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By bobbeta30 - 11/01/2012 16:33 - United States

Today, I spent five dollars on a virtual cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 408

You deserved it 44 474

bobbeta30 tells us more.

bobbeta30 14

Saturday 14 May 2016 5:35

i'm the OP, I just stumbled upon this FML after over 4 years.. I'm pleased to announce that I've moved on from spending $5 on virtual cats to over $300 on virtual anime girl cards. and I have 2 real cats now. don't let your dreams be dreams, guys

By failure - 22/09/2011 18:36 - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 812

You deserved it 5 056

By vet1 - 11/07/2013 15:18 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, as part of my veterinary degree, I had to demonstrate how to jerk off a dog in front of my entire class. Afterwards, the lecturer said that I have the 'magic touch'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 658

You deserved it 7 361

Panic attack

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 802

You deserved it 18 103

Hangry

By thedri11 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxnard

Today, I was so broke I went to Costco, not to buy anything, but to eat their free food samples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 514

You deserved it 3 830

By Shouldaknown - 06/08/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 192

You deserved it 8 413

By Anonymous - 12/09/2012 16:05 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my book bag was so heavy that it set off my car's passenger detection system in the front seat. I had to buckle in my textbooks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 349

You deserved it 3 840

By yrfavweapon - 02/07/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, after two hours, I finally got my very cranky, sick baby to fall asleep. Five minutes later, a neighbor started shooting off fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 554

You deserved it 3 881

Foot in mouth syndrome

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 222

You deserved it 40 792

Offended

By Anonymous - 04/09/2009 04:31 - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 217

You deserved it 3 525

Cheeky

By woopdeedo_1 - 07/03/2010 19:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 299

You deserved it 3 622

By miss_strauss - 25/01/2016 18:21 - United States - Conroe

Today, my boyfriend moved in with me. I just walked into my kitchen to find my thirty year-old, perfectly seasoned cast iron skillet completely submerged in soapy water in the sink, presumably from last night when he washed the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 733

You deserved it 4 197

miss_strauss tells us more.

miss_strauss 5

Tuesday 26 January 2016 9:34

OP here. I had cooked a dinner in a sort of celebration of our first night living together, and he offered to do the dishes afterwards. I happily agreed and asked him to leave the skillet for me because it requires extra TLC. When I woke up and found it this morning, I went to work making sure there wasn't too much damage done, and he was horrified when realized what he did. I couldn't be mad at him, because he was only trying to help. Also, for those wondering about why I've kept a skillet for this long. I'm only 23, but it was my grandmothers and then my dad inherited it when she passed away. He passed it on to me when I went to college and got my own apartment. Cast iron, if maintained and loved properly, can be the best tool of a good kitchen and can last forever. It's really not strange to small town southerners to have cast iron pans that are older than them:P

Go to jail, donut pass go

By Golden~ - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out that the school principal takes all the money from the school fundraisers to buy herself donuts. I'd donated over $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 075

You deserved it 5 496

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 014

You deserved it 32 382

By Anonymous - 08/02/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 860

You deserved it 3 585

By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 17:35 - Canada

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 030

You deserved it 5 978

Got talent?

By sorrygrandma - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 982

You deserved it 4 287

Great input, dad

By shamed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 812

You deserved it 3 408

By Anonymous - 04/04/2012 17:45 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 409

You deserved it 34 681

By dude5028 - 08/09/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I switched from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and told them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 174

You deserved it 4 110

By 16isntsweet - 20/08/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I had my sweet sixteen party. All my best friends came to the microphone to make a little speech. When my boyfriend came to do his, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 989

You deserved it 6 074

By burnedboy - 18/01/2010 19:39 - United States

Today, I saw Avatar in iMax 3D. Towards the end of the movie I jump, yelled, and spilled my drink all over the people in front of me because I thought a burning piece of ash landed on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 622

You deserved it 44 631

By drbckflps - 18/12/2014 00:48 - Australia - Mount Gravatt

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 933

You deserved it 2 979

drbckflps tells us more.

drbckflps 22

Friday 19 December 2014 7:35

I haven't read all the comments yet but thank you for your condolences. This is indeed the grandmother of my son and no, she didn't take the holiday as a way of grieving - it was purely opportunistic. She wasn't even polite to us at the funeral: her words to me were, "In six months when I get back you'll have forgotten this whole thing ever happened." Very disappointing. Thank you all again. I'll reply again when I get a chance to read some more comments.