Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML
Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML
Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML
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