Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, I was watching The Walking Dead while in bed, when I heard a noise in the kitchen. I told myself I was just imagining things. Several hours later, as I was getting ready for sleep, I found out I'd actually been robbed. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
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