31 years-old
Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I'd left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I'd left my phone on the hotel counter. FML
Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML
Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently, my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML
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