liljeron

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

Then it hit me

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML