Miss Single
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML
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