Today, I was at a red light when the guy next to me gave me that look people give when they want a street race. I won, but I should've seen the word "Sheriff" written on the side of his car. FML
Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I learned that making an illegal U-turn right after you see a cop doing one will not stop said cop from ticketing you. FML
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