FYL1313

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time." He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

Sex Ed is broken

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML