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Act of kindness

By dre_bro11 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

agreeclassic 34 375

vote type 1 12 578

Lay the blame

By jobless - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a guy came into my gas station, showed me the gun on his hip, and asked me to kindly empty the register. My asshole boss claimed afterwards that because we live in an open carry state, and because the guy didn't point the gun at me, that there was no actual robbery and I just gave him free money. FML

agreeclassic 34 364

vote type 1 2 889

College life

By rimenrezon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

agreeclassic 34 341

vote type 1 2 537

Pay attention

By That_Indian_Guy - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oviedo

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

agreeclassic 34 291

vote type 1 9 729

Thanks guys

By MCRxforever - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

agreeclassic 34 211

vote type 1 3 710

Bad sign

By TJ AJ RJ / IV the V - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Diego

Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML

agreeclassic 34 117

vote type 1 4 219

Nice day for it

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 5 year old-son and I went out for a walk. As I was looking in a shop's window display, I turned around to see my son pooping into an open manhole on the street. FML

agreeclassic 34 101

vote type 1 9 732

Oh no, the fun police is here

By We're still popping them - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, the neighbors called the cops because they heard "gun shots". My girlfriend and I were popping bubble wrap. FML

agreeclassic 34 075

vote type 1 2 940

Merry sigma grindset!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, I'd be spending it with family. However, my boss decided everyone has to work today, despite the fact that there's enough people who want to work to run the place. Apparently it's "fairer" if we all have to do it - except him. FML

agreeclassic 34 048

vote type 1 2 367

It's a sign!

By unknown951 - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 34 040

vote type 1 4 830

Roomies

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

agreeclassic 34 012

vote type 1 3 053

You never know

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

agreeclassic 34 002

vote type 1 3 695

Thanks, I hate it

By Rawr - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

agreeclassic 33 991

vote type 1 2 958

**** my shit up

By hair2daygone4ever - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

agreeclassic 33 971

vote type 1 4 862

A day to remember

By TitMunch - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

agreeclassic 33 965

vote type 1 4 483

The usual?

By yeahno - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

agreeclassic 33 964

vote type 1 2 526

Thanks but no thanks

By Nicole - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So, it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

agreeclassic 33 949

vote type 1 3 372

Logical

By hooligyn123 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML

agreeclassic 33 837

vote type 1 1 908

Hmmmm…

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

agreeclassic 33 823

vote type 1 5 380

Whta? How? Why?

By pregz - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

agreeclassic 33 785

vote type 1 2 696

Gratitude walks

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my soon to be 12 year-old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML

agreeclassic 33 735

vote type 1 5 242

Stuck

By Fackwork - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML

agreeclassic 33 712

vote type 1 10 350

Xenu approves

By sonofanut - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

agreeclassic 33 697

vote type 1 2 471

Smells like…

By BobsBabe2 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

agreeclassic 33 618

vote type 1 2 936

Jumpy

By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

agreeclassic 33 587

vote type 1 9 331

Feeling faint

By thatguy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

agreeclassic 33 582

vote type 1 9 331

The Vengabus is coming

By tim12345 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

agreeclassic 33 534

vote type 1 3 642

Twisted firestarter

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

agreeclassic 33 477

vote type 1 5 883

Please explain

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my pads were not in fact "big band-aids" and that he should probably remove them from his legs. FML

agreeclassic 33 465

vote type 1 3 339

Succession

By Greatgrandpa - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Curacao

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

agreeclassic 33 415

vote type 1 2 975

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I learned that the respondents on the Suicide Hotline recognize me, and not fondly. FML

agreeclassic 904

vote type 1 226

Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML

agreeclassic 36 378

vote type 1 3 177

Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML

agreeclassic 40 485

vote type 1 2 939

Today, it's my birthday. When my crush spotted me in the hallway and wished me a Happy Birthday, my nerves got the best of me and I blurted out, "You too!" FML

agreeclassic 31 045

vote type 1 5 340

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

agreeclassic 42 782

vote type 1 5 808

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

agreeclassic 33 320

vote type 1 3 388