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Late bloomer

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

agreeclassic 45 879

vote type 1 9 461

One happy family

By Anonymous - 07/11/2025 12:00

Today, I realized whether it's my father, step-bro/sis and even my own mom don't care what happens to me. I stayed away from drugs, have a marriage that is great and kids I love, but none of them can look at me in any way because I have my father's blood. They have no idea I'm extremely suicidal, because I'm quiet about it. FML

agreeclassic 398

vote type 1 106

I'm horny, horny horny horny

By It was a mistake!! - 12/11/2025 20:00

Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML

agreeclassic 45

vote type 1 782

Enjoy your stay

By Anonymous - 16/11/2025 09:00

Today, I walked into my hotel room, took off my coat and started unpacking. Ten minutes later, an older couple walked in, holding luggage. I'd gone into THEIR room. The receptionist gave me the wrong fob. They were surprisingly calm, but I had to explain why I’d already used one of their towels. FML

agreeclassic 369

vote type 1 86

Reasonable

By Anonymous - 18/11/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend said, "I won't marry you, but I want to spend my life with you." When I told him that upset me, he said, "My ex completely changed once we got married, and I like you as you are now." FML

agreeclassic 365

vote type 1 156

Office supplies

By Nervous - 04/12/2025 03:00

Today, during a Zoom meeting, I tried to discreetly mute myself before yelling at my printer for jamming again. I wasn’t muted. My whole team listened as I threatened a piece of office equipment with violence. My boss suggested therapy for “Printer anger.” FML

agreeclassic 156

vote type 1 383

Tattoo backstory needed

By Anonymous - 05/12/2025 22:00

Today, I got my boyfriend naked for the first time. He had "Baby Fucker" tattooed over his groin. He had some weird explanation for it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him fucking a baby, and it turned me off massively. I don't think I can keep dating him. FML

agreeclassic 314

vote type 1 67

Pranked

By fucker43 - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Atlanta

Today, my friend made the effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 48 130

vote type 1 4 793

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

agreeclassic 19 301

vote type 1 79 059

Good comeback

By Juice Ko Day! - 27/12/2025 03:00

Today, three minutes into on our Christmas Family Reunion, I got kicked out and now probably permanently. What did I do? My aunt, who NEVER FAILS to do this, did loudly the, "Wow! You've gotten fat!" greeting on me, whereas I responded with an even louder, "And WOW! You've gotten even uglier!" FML

agreeclassic 512

vote type 1 99

You get what you give

By Anonymous - 28/12/2025 22:00

Today, to my horror, I discovered that my husband is cheating on me. My friends and family refuse to support me, stating that, "He cheated on his ex-wife with you, what did you expect?" I honestly thought he was my soulmate and that's why I pursued him. Why can't anyone understand that? FML

agreeclassic 114

vote type 1 1 003

See you in court

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend had always told me that his mom was dead. Apparently he just meant she’s dead to him. She’s actually a con artist. I just met her for the first time, after learning she impersonated me, stole my savings, ran up credit card debt, and bought 3 cars. FML

agreeclassic 676

vote type 1 83

He reaped, you sow

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, my grandpa’s estate is being sued. Over his career as a cross country truck driver, he impregnated dozens of women, some of which were underage. Now so many of them are suing, my grandma might lose the house that’s been in our family for generations. FML

agreeclassic 593

vote type 1 127

I'm always right

By Anonymous - 13/02/2025 05:00 - United States - Crestview

Today, my dad got mad at me because after he told me that when I'm not going anywhere to stop putting on perfume, I told him I wasn't wearing any. I took a shower this morning, my hair is still wet. When I tried to explain this, he got pissed and said that I just needed to accept when he told me I was wrong and shit. FML

agreeclassic 468

vote type 1 93

Dodge

By hollywoodhelman - 16/02/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I bought the girl I like concert tickets for our favorite artist, who is usually never in our town, for her birthday. She said, “No thanks, I have to work that day.” She works Monday-Friday. The concert is on Saturday. When I mentioned this, she asked me, “So, what did you think of the Super Bowl halftime show?” FML

agreeclassic 434

vote type 1 245

I'm too old for this shit

By Michael - 18/02/2025 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I took a quick nap before going out with friends. I set an alarm for 30 minutes. When I woke up, I thought it had been a few minutes, so I jumped up, got my coat, and ran out the door. Turns out, my nap lasted 5 hours, and I missed the entire night out. My friends are still sending me pictures of them having fun. FML

agreeclassic 311

vote type 1 367

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 22/02/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I got served with a child support hearing. I've never met the woman suing and the person she’s going after has the same name as me. The court people told me not to worry, but those are famous last words and I know it. FML

agreeclassic 517

vote type 1 66

Unboyfriendable

By Emotional Damage - 25/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my little cousin, who just got a boyfriend, found out I've been single my whole life. She asked, "Is it because you're really ugly and awkward?" Yes. Yes, it is. FML

agreeclassic 502

vote type 1 101

Sticky

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML

agreeclassic 345

vote type 1 159

Renewed energy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2025 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML

agreeclassic 227

vote type 1 392

How are people still doing this?

By Anonymous - 08/03/2025 15:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I texted my friend to ask if she wanted to grab lunch. She didn't respond, so I followed up with, "You alive? Or just avoiding me?" An hour later, I realized I'd texted my boss. He replied with a very professional, "I’m alive, thank you for asking. Lunch is a bit early for me today." FML

agreeclassic 145

vote type 1 486

Stepdad woes

By Djdjfj - 22/03/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, I reminded my fiancee's kid to put the toilet seat up when he pees. My fiancée heard and shrieked at me to stop being controlling and weird. Yesterday, she threw a tantrum because there was piss on the toilet seat. I can't win. FML

agreeclassic 510

vote type 1 113

There was an attempt…

By Anonymous - 26/03/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I tried to flirt with a guy at the gym by commenting on his headphones, saying, “Nice headphones, you must be into music.” He stared at me blankly and said, “I’m not wearing any headphones, these are just my ears.” I swear I heard him laugh as I backed away, defeated. FML

agreeclassic 104

vote type 1 486

Stir crazy

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, even if I clean the whole house, my husband refuses to wash dishes if I cook, as I “use too many”, because when he cooks he only uses one pot. His “cooking” is dumping all the week's leftovers into a pot and calling it “stir fry.” It’s disgusting and he’s the only one that eats it. FML

agreeclassic 466

vote type 1 97

Are you winning?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML

agreeclassic 404

vote type 1 121

Truth bomb

By Hoo boy - 09/04/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML

agreeclassic 437

vote type 1 89

Gentrification

By Broke boy - 16/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, after I got a second job to help cover rent, my landlord just raised it anyway “because the neighborhood is up-and-coming.” There’s still a pothole the size of a kiddie pool in front of my building. FML

agreeclassic 432

vote type 1 75

Visual effect

By Anonymous - 25/04/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend suggested I try on some old clothes, after weeks of eating better and exercising. The good news: they fit again, and are even a little bit loose. The bad news: somehow, I look fatter now than I did before I started trying to lose weight. FML

agreeclassic 368

vote type 1 84

The worst excuse

By Anonymous - 29/04/2025 00:00 - South Africa

Today, after my boyfriend broke things off saying he couldn't handle being in a relationship after the death of his brother, I found out that he's back on Tinder not even three weeks after the break up. FML

agreeclassic 384

vote type 1 115

Open wide

By Anonymous - 02/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment and was running late. I frantically put on my shoes and rushed out of the house. When I arrived at the dentist’s office, they told me I was scheduled for a root canal, not a cleaning. I forgot to confirm the appointment. After I sat down in the chair, I tried to back out, but they were already numbing my gums. FML

agreeclassic 124

vote type 1 519

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, a coworker accidentally drank my coffee and made me more in an identical mug, placing it back like nothing happened. Thanks to all the sucralose in the not-my-soy creamer she used, I'm still on the can. It's midnight. FML

agreeclassic 5 055

vote type 1 474

Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML

agreeclassic 26 804

vote type 1 2 562

Today, at my job at a pet store, my boss told me to go outside and hand out flyers. I saw a man sitting on a bench and walked up, saying, "Hi! Do you have a pet?" He teared up and said, "I just put her down this morning." FML

agreeclassic 2 256

vote type 1 183

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

agreeclassic 37 247

vote type 1 4 159

It's National Hotdog Day!

agreeclassic 659

vote type 1 204

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

agreeclassic 40 295

vote type 1 6 519