The Top

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Where everybody knows your name…

By Anonymous - 28/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 638

No plan B

By Marie - 07/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my phone randomly stopped working and I have three phone interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 66

"Your text here"

By Rerere - 24/02/2025 03:00 - Australia

Today, I gave my friend what I thought was the perfect birthday gift, a personalized mug with her favourite quote. When she opened it, she looked confused so I explained. Then she said, "I’ve never ever said that." I realized I'd printed a quote from a completely different friend. I awkwardly told her, “Well, now you have something new to say!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 593

Sticky

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I thought I was clever for doing my laundry while multitasking and making dinner. When I went to transfer my clothes from the washer to the dryer, I discovered that I'd accidentally washed a pack of gum that was in my pocket. The gum had melted into my favorite shirt, and I now have a sticky mess to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 159

Renewed energy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2025 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 392

How are people still doing this?

By Anonymous - 08/03/2025 15:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I texted my friend to ask if she wanted to grab lunch. She didn't respond, so I followed up with, "You alive? Or just avoiding me?" An hour later, I realized I'd texted my boss. He replied with a very professional, "I’m alive, thank you for asking. Lunch is a bit early for me today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 486

Stepdad woes

By Djdjfj - 22/03/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, I reminded my fiancee's kid to put the toilet seat up when he pees. My fiancée heard and shrieked at me to stop being controlling and weird. Yesterday, she threw a tantrum because there was piss on the toilet seat. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 113

There was an attempt…

By Anonymous - 26/03/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I tried to flirt with a guy at the gym by commenting on his headphones, saying, “Nice headphones, you must be into music.” He stared at me blankly and said, “I’m not wearing any headphones, these are just my ears.” I swear I heard him laugh as I backed away, defeated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 486

Stir crazy

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 18:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, even if I clean the whole house, my husband refuses to wash dishes if I cook, as I “use too many”, because when he cooks he only uses one pot. His “cooking” is dumping all the week's leftovers into a pot and calling it “stir fry.” It’s disgusting and he’s the only one that eats it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 97

Are you winning?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 121

Truth bomb

By Hoo boy - 09/04/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 89

Gentrification

By Broke boy - 16/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, after I got a second job to help cover rent, my landlord just raised it anyway “because the neighborhood is up-and-coming.” There’s still a pothole the size of a kiddie pool in front of my building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 75

Oh well…

By Bobert - 27/04/2025 04:00 - Romania

Today, I was out of town on a work trip. I'd fought with my wife before leaving, and I felt bad, so I called her and poured my heart out, telling her how much I loved her. She sighed and said, "Okay, anyway…" and complained about bills and chores for ten minutes, then wouldn't say she loved me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 194

Leaking from everywhere

By Anonymous - 28/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I woke up bleeding from every orifice in my body. I've got a nose bleed from my medication, my gums bled when I brushed my teeth, I'm on my period, and I have hemorrhoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 89

Probably not

By Michael tee - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 5 146

Just not with me

By NotMeFML - 07/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I found out that the girl I went on a date with, and refused to sleep with me because she, “doesn’t have sex on the first date” had no qualms about sleeping with my buddy on his first date with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 330

You seem delighted

By Anonymous - 16/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom walked into my room without knocking to have a whole conversation about some distant relative's birthday in 3 months time. The whole time I had my bullet vibe still up inside me, so I had to talk to my mom while trying not to react to having an orgasm in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 145

Not happening

By Kape pa tayo! - 18/05/2025 21:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my mom shoved a document for me to sign. It's pretty much my will, leaving everything to her boyfriend/fiancé's 11 year-old son, who is a bratty hell spawn of Satan. Before I could say anything, she said not to bother leaving anything to my adopted daughter, because she said if I die, she's going with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 76

Such a rush

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Loughborough

Today, at the park, I saw my toddler fall. I rushed over, picked him up, and said, “It’s OK, Mum’s here.” He looked confused. So did his real mum. I had mistakenly grabbed a random child instead of my own in front of everyone. They weren't even wearing similar clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 456

Hotly debated topic

By Office Space 2025 - 23/05/2025 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, my coworker and I debated whether 100 average dudes could take down one gorilla. He said, "Only if 30 of us are willing to die." I disagreed, so we started working it out, using a whiteboard to do the math… which we forgot to wipe before the next meeting. HR now has us on a watchlist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 495

Perfectionist

By Carlweezer5296 - 30/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I was working on a middle school project that needed to be at a 900 percent or above, this being my math level. I take a 8th grade algebra class so I needed mine to well be a 900, and after months of working I'd got it there. I got one answer wrong and it sent me to 860, where I’ve been for the last 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 129

Are the straights OK?

By Nurse ratchet - 01/06/2025 11:00 - United States

Today, my fiance lost his shit when I told him that I’ve decided to go to nursing school. He claims that all nurses are cheating whores and that if I become one we’re through. His source? The troglodytes that thrive in the bowels of the internet. All because one guy got his heart broken by a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 106

Get on with it

By Not PMS, she's just a mega bitch - 08/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, at my son's soccer game, I tried to give him a bottle of Gatorade, but the top was damp with condensation and I couldn't get a grip. I wiped it dry and tried again, successfully this time. No big deal, except my wife was watching and screamed, "IT SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT LONG!" Everyone stopped and stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 79

Blackout

By itsgonnabealongnight... - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 678

You deserved it 3 138

Which show is it?

By Not Riverdale - 26/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spoiled a TV show I've seen that a friend has started binge-watching by saying, “Episode 7 really did my head in.” His face turned from excitement to annoyance, and has vowed revenge, saying, "Great, I'm going to be anticipating episode 7 for the next few hours thanks to you, stop talking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 444

Hell in a handbasket

By Depressed - 01/07/2025 22:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I live in a country where people are debating something called "The big, beautiful bill." The bill itself is terrible if you're not a sociopathic rich person, but the media is actually using that name. Big beautiful bill. Are we a nation of children? If so, well, googoo gaga I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 273

Idiots, idiots everywhere

By Annon - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire, and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 161

You deserved it 2 561

My love language is gibberish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I tried to sweet talk my crush by texting them in Spanish using Google Translate. I wanted to say, “You look amazing today,” but it translated to something like, “Your fish smells weird today.” They responded with a confused emoji and “¿Qué?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 371

Not even once

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 08:00 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I got addicted to online slots, racked up nearly €30,000 in debt, and completely ruined my financial future. It’s been almost a year since I stopped gambling, but the shame and the debt are still crushing me. I’m trying to get back on my feet and even created a fundraiser just to breathe a bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 612

Chemistry

By Anonymous - 25/07/2025 03:00 - United States - Reno

Today, I matched with a cute girl on a dating app and messaged her something flirty: “Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te.” She replied, “That’s my cousin’s joke. He used it in his wedding vows last year. Small world, huh?" Of all the matches to make, I had to match a distant relative… FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 427

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 567

You deserved it 7 930

Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 145

Today, I was running a meeting feeling very stressed. I grabbed my stress ball out of my bag, squeezing it vigorously throughout the meeting. When I stood up to talk my stress ball exploded all over my new black suit and the desk. So much for relieving stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 4 359

Today, after returning from some caveman type "men’s retreat" with his buddies, my husband is now refusing to cook or help out with the house and kids as it’s "women’s work." He also expects to be fetched beer on demand and referred to as "King" from now on. I don’t know rather to laugh or cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 605

You deserved it 309

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 225

You deserved it 44 432

Today, I was on a flight home. I wasn't going to arrive until midnight, so I was offered an earlier flight that got back at ten. I got to baggage claims and it turned out they lost my bag. I sat there for 2 hours. The people on my original flight left for home before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 872

You deserved it 3 838