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Kinda sussy

By Rosebud - 07/08/2023 04:00 - United States - Flint

Today, I “caught” my partner looking at porn, again. I walked in on him with his cock out, looking at his phone. He jumped to put it away, except just like last time, I told him we could watch together, but he's “too ashamed” to even discuss it. At this point I’m pretty sure he’s just sexting someone else and doesn’t want to get caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 186

Helicopter parents

By that girl. - 06/06/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, instead of having my friends come pick me up, my dad drove me over to visit them. He insisted on walking me up to the door, hugging me goodbye, and making sure my friends were appropriate enough to hang out with. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 557

You deserved it 3 566

By Mikey - 26/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 514

You deserved it 8 726

By JACKxRAWR - 18/05/2013 09:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a slip through my door saying that the package I'd ordered couldn't be delivered today because no-one was home to sign for it. I got the slip just in time to watch the guy who put it through my letterbox get in his van, look me in the eye and drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 718

You deserved it 3 955

JACKxRAWR tells us more.

JACKxRAWR 22

Saturday 18 May 2013 17:22

OP here. The bastard didn't even knock and left the package in a post office the other side of town, even though I live five minutes from a sorting office.

Stripped

By Ro. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car was stolen. I got it back later without the engine, any of the wheels or my brand new radio and speakers. They even took my car mats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 813

You deserved it 2 580

By plasticfantastic - 25/04/2009 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 735

You deserved it 9 630

Hate crime

By Anonymous - 09/05/2022 04:00

Today, I was planning to propose to my girlfriend. I got out the ring and… she did the same. Coincidentally, she'd planned to propose to me, so we'd both got rings. Too bad our perfect moment was ruined by the bigot who called us “lezzers” and poured a pitcher of beer over both our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 455

You deserved it 302

Mom's alone time is precious

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 06:00

Today, my daughter found out there was a vacant seat left in first class on our flight and damn if she didn’t pounce on the opportunity to get bumped up into it so fast, because she, “like, deserved a break.” She left me in economy class for a 10-hour flight with her 3 year old and 1 year-old with teething pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 244

By paging dr. kevorkian - 16/05/2013 21:23 - Netherlands

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 831

You deserved it 5 918

By Username - 28/07/2011 21:36 - United States

Today, I got the worst sunburn I've ever had in my life, and then discovered I'm allergic to aloe when I went to treat the burn with some gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 529

You deserved it 3 661

Who the f***?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 951

You deserved it 5 951

By Anonymous - 08/11/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 564

You deserved it 2 758

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 20:21 - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 645

You deserved it 77 931

Good night, sleep tight

By sleepy - 01/07/2019 02:10

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 205

By blah blah daddy - 02/10/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 449

You deserved it 10 384

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 869

You deserved it 2 438

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 65 477

By Anonymous - 11/07/2014 22:54 - United States - Stockton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 184

You deserved it 3 942

By toothache - 14/05/2013 12:03 - United States - Morton Grove

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 408

You deserved it 4 402

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 22:00

Today, at my little cousin’s birthday party, some spoilt child played a prank and placed chocolate cake on my seat just as I was about to sit. Let’s just say of all the days, today was a bad day to wear cream trousers and park the car quite a way away from the venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 140

Charming dude

By unzucht - 30/05/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 757

You deserved it 2 501

By WTF - 22/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 589

You deserved it 19 412

Take it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 00:01

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 1 697

By failure as a parent - 11/05/2013 21:19 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 438

You deserved it 6 295

By Anonyme - 29/05/2012 10:19

Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 98

Accidents come fast

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 3 005

By angry - 04/11/2009 18:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on webcam with my girlfriend, who was naked. She turned the webcam to point it at the screen for a second, and she was also on webcam with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 715

You deserved it 3 248

By trice - 08/05/2013 17:48 - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 388

You deserved it 4 305

By gazza - 26/05/2012 20:41 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, in the middle of a localised drought, and an accompanying hosepipe ban, my mother has decided that she still needs to water her lawn. To balance out the water usage, she's placed a complete ban on the use of our shower until the weather lets up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 471

You deserved it 1 757

By Marmarfarfar - 07/05/2013 16:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 261

You deserved it 4 037

Marmarfarfar tells us more.

Marmarfarfar 25

Wednesday 8 May 2013 3:27

Hey everyone, OP here! I enjoyed reading all the comments, and I am happy to know I'm not the only one to laugh or cry when reading a good book. Just wanted to say that I am not from an up tight family, me and my brother had been picking on my mom all day making jokes. I was just around her at a bad time and she thought I was still laughing at her, so I might actually deserve this one. :)