The Top

The truth is actually much dumber than some of you are giving me credit for, and definitely warrants a YDI. I'd bought a few small glass things for my friends from Venice. They were all packaged so they made it off the plane fine. When I got home I put them down and started nailing up posters that I'd got in the museums on my visit. I put the hammer down on a pile of boxes while I went to get more nails, which was dumb, and it fell off onto the ornaments. The novelty postcards were all I had left.

By fuckmyliiiiiiife - 01/05/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 436

You deserved it 25 978

Be grateful

By Anonymous - 14/11/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our one year anniversary because "He knew I liked them." He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 607

You deserved it 47 431

Nice try, loverboy

By Gina - 08/04/2022 22:00

Today, my date cried because his mom recently died. Of course, I was sympathetic because I'm a nice person, but he tried to leverage my sympathy into a blowjob in the restaurant toilet. Since we "obviously weren't going to work as a real couple", it was apparently "the least I could do to make him feel better." Creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 481

You deserved it 207

By Laurel - 25/05/2013 04:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 930

You deserved it 9 078

Great deal

By Depressed - 04/08/2011 11:45 - Sudan

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 417

You deserved it 41 392

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 21:27 - Canada

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 620

You deserved it 43 162

Tl; dr

By projectfain - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Akron

Today, I e-mailed the online instructor for my job, telling her that I had fallen behind in my work due to my grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope your grandmother gets better soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 294

You deserved it 3 279

By brokeasajoke - 11/11/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 587

You deserved it 3 293

Hanging

By James - 31/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 414

You deserved it 18 023

By Sheh - 16/07/2014 15:02 - Sweden

Today, while out grocery shopping with my mother, she asked me to hold a large bag of rice for her. Ten minutes later, I realized I'd been absent-mindedly stroking it the whole time, just like when I pick up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 475

You deserved it 9 360

Sheh_fml tells us more.

Sheh_fml 25

Wednesday 16 July 2014 20:38

The bag of rice didn't have any handle, so I held it kinda resting against my torso, just like when holding my cat. I guess it has just become a habit. Loving all the puns :)