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Jump on me, I beg you

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/07/2010 01:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 257

You deserved it 10 728

The accused

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my neighbour asked me to stop "flaunting my nudity" where her husband can see me. By this she apparently meant my bathroom when I open the window to let the steam out, because her husband can see me shower from their son's treehouse. Somehow, I don’t think me or my window are the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 767

You deserved it 168

By SophieGray - 20/05/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 911

You deserved it 5 070

By wait..what - 22/09/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I was in class just taking notes and minding my own business. The teacher has already called my parents twice complaining about me. As we are taking 3 pages of notes she grabs mine and rips them up, saying that she is sick and tired of me drawing. I was drawing the graphs on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 743

You deserved it 3 449

So, this is my mom…

By Emily - 03/07/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 3 160

By Wronged - 21/09/2009 10:53 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 548

You deserved it 3 578

Trans women are women

By Colton - 07/06/2021 20:01

Today, I'm dating a trans girl, who is also my best friend. She confessed to me long ago that she was born male, and that wasn't a big deal to me. The problem is that my family is constantly harassing her, because I should have been "with a real girl instead of a monster with severed genitals." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 512

By Charles - 18/05/2011 17:13 - Norway

Today, I finally found out who has been hacking my email account to send dirty messages to my teacher. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 089

You deserved it 3 927

By noname - 18/02/2013 01:28 - United States - Middletown

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 220

You deserved it 3 060

Late start

By Radayam - 15/06/2021 20:00

Today, I learned that the starting date for my class was a typo. Instead of 6/22, it was 6/2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 809

You deserved it 2 632

Better off

By Anonymous - 25/08/2022 04:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I took a walk without asking for permission. He thought guys would be hitting on me the entire walk, and that I chose to go alone to pick up numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 179

By dontgothere - 23/02/2014 04:40 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 574

You deserved it 6 726

By mattrd - 13/02/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I was making lunch, when my two-year-old ran up to me and handed me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending the rest of my day cleaning the entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 500

You deserved it 4 247

mattrd_fml tells us more.

mattrd_fml 31

Thursday 14 February 2013 14:12

OP here. First off, I am a father. Not a mother. lol. for everyone who wonders how this could happen, I should have put the baby powder back in his diaper caddy, but for some reason I didn't. I have no reason just forgot I guess. And sometime during me preparing his lunch he went to his room grabbed it off his changing table and powdered the house until it was empty and longer any use to him. He is quick! I wish I had eyes on the back of my head. Thanks for all the people who were understanding.

By Dsark - 19/02/2014 05:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 337

You deserved it 3 748

By Anonymous - 02/06/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 42

Memory hole

By George - 02/09/2022 00:00

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 310

Pleasant smell

By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 01:00

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 12/02/2014 21:25 - Australia

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 655

You deserved it 4 847

By AplJax3 - 06/02/2013 21:05 - United States

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 563

You deserved it 4 004

AplJax3 tells us more.

AplJax3 2

Thursday 7 February 2013 3:13

Hey guys, OP here! While my husband is an ass, the reaching up and bending over for things lasted until I dropped a full bottle of water on his foot (accidentally on purpose). After that, he stopped laughing and gave me back rub. Since I am currently denying him sympathy for the tiny bruise on his pinky toe, I'd say we're about even.

Cheaply romantic

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 16:00

Today, I walked into a dollar store as my boyfriend's girlfriend. I came out as his fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 491

By Sarahfizzeller - 26/05/2010 20:13 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 668

You deserved it 3 399

Error!

By Anonymous - 29/12/2019 03:00

Today, I called my cell phone tech support to help with my Samsung device. They sent me contact info for Apple support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 270

Gonna need that channel name

By alyssac11 - 25/05/2010 04:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 635

You deserved it 4 263

By AnnaMarie. - 28/02/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 584

You deserved it 3 859

My house, my rules

By lordoftheweird - 06/01/2024 06:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Spicy

Today, I had to make a house rule for my extended family who live with me: No more incestuous sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I love her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 332

You deserved it 5 593

What the hell am I doing here?

By weirdome23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 801

You deserved it 8 734

By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/01/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Spicy

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 139

You deserved it 4 336

By DBZ - 20/02/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 7 547

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Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I asked my husband if we could start talking about kids. He said sure, so we talked about kids. Then I asked if we could maybe start trying to have kids, and he said, “Absolutely fucking not, are you mad? What’s wrong with you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 562

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After I said no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 290

You deserved it 9 982

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 819

You deserved it 42 551

Today, my boyfriend asked me to use a sex toy on him. Am I in the wrong relationship? FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 2 087

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 323

You deserved it 12 407

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 759

You deserved it 5 319