The Top

Yeah I'm OP, just to clear things up...I am English and 'sick' is a fairly acceptable synonym for vomit (the noun). My cat is NOT stuck in my radiator, it just puked in it, I'm 16, is it so unacceptable to have a family cat in the city? Oh, and yes, I was being sarcastic :P

**** the patriarchy

By single not ready to mingle - 27/10/2020 18:02 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that we could keep dating, but he doesn’t see a future with me because I’m not a good submissive woman like his mother. His mother who’s been married four times for cheating on all her husbands. Yeah, good woman indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 147

By ass slap - 11/08/2013 15:35 - United States - Broomall

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 257

You deserved it 24 863

By Cherrish it - 04/09/2012 04:24 - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 608

You deserved it 58 921

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 852

You deserved it 6 209

By For - 28/12/2009 14:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband if he thought I was pretty. He replied "compared to what?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 673

You deserved it 7 007

By Anonymous - 29/01/2017 14:00 - United States

Today, a few people in my class used calculators on the math final exam, even though it clearly stated at the top that they weren't allowed. The teacher found out, and now everyone has to retake the 200-question exam. I didn't even use a calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 755

You deserved it 500

By TayRenee - 30/01/2017 14:00 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, while in an ambulance after being in a car wreck, the EMT told me I would need to sign some electronic paperwork. He held it above my head for me to sign and promptly dropped it on my my face, breaking my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 594

You deserved it 483

By highheelcyanide - 06/11/2014 01:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend became a magician. His best trick? The disappearing act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 970

You deserved it 4 003

highheelcyanide tells us more.

highheelcyanide 11

Thursday 6 November 2014 20:39

First of all, I am so excited that this got posted! Almost makes dating the jerk worth it! Also, all the comments are hilarious. To answer some questions, no, I most definitely am not pregnant. There wasn't even a scare. On the backstory, he wasn't *technically* my boyfriend, but we had been dating and things were going really great. He did all the right things and we had a great connection (or so I thought). So after a while we slept together, and enjoyment was had on both sides. Nothing seemed off for a few days, and then he gradually quit texting me and I never saw him again after that night. Live and learn, I suppose.