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School's out for summer, thank God!

By reluctant teacher - 15/06/2019 19:41 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 314

War of words

By Anonymous - 30/09/2024 11:00 - United States - Anaheim

Spicy

Today, my husband is on day two of giving me the silent treatment. It started when he got mad that the house was messy and said, “Why can’t you be like those wives online?!” I snapped back, “Why can’t you fuck like the guys in the porn?!” Let’s see who apologizes first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 344

Crushed

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 23:08 - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 496

You deserved it 2 328

By Nicole - 19/09/2011 20:16 - United States

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 775

You deserved it 44 574

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 14:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 294

You deserved it 44 142

Our cross to bare

By sierra808 - 31/05/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I was walking on the beach when I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other, I smiled and waved, and as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 570

You deserved it 17 566

By sincerely depressed. - 09/08/2012 21:42 - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 833

You deserved it 40 533

You're all grounded

By Anonymous - 08/05/2023 12:00

Today, my teen son and his friends catfished a woman in her forties so they could laugh at her when she got to the restaurant. I'm beyond furious. The poor woman was humiliated, but did my wife care? No, she only got mad at them for using her credit card to sign up to the dating app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 139

Let it out

By :-( - 17/07/2013 05:22 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 530

You deserved it 3 664

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I was pitching at a fastpitch softball game. The other team chanted about the ball being too high and almost hitting the batter in the eye. After throwing the next pitch, the ball was savagely returned by the batter, straight into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 408

You deserved it 2 789

Rookie mistake

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, I had to pay an exorbitant fee to get my drain unblocked. It turns out it was about a million condoms. My son just got his first serious girlfriend and apparently instead of throwing them in the bin, he flushes their used condoms down the toilet. I’m gonna kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 250

By Mojo - 14/12/2009 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my crush took me to a park and told me he loved me. We sat on an old bench and were just about to kiss when I screamed. I now have a huge splinter in my arse and he can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 580

You deserved it 5 196

Irony at a base level

By danyelicindereli - 29/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 263

You deserved it 48 210

By disgruntled - 09/12/2015 15:01

Today, my boss is writing me up for not signing a report before I left work. He refused to print the report that day, and I don't have access to the printers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 320

You deserved it 1 521

By thatsfine - 14/07/2013 22:52 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 769

You deserved it 3 280

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 337

You deserved it 68 771

By Anonymous - 02/03/2019 14:00

Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 384

You deserved it 262

Fundies say the darndest things

By Lyle - 13/12/2020 01:07 - United Kingdom

Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 624

You deserved it 124

Nagging

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my husband never wanted to marry me, he only did because I wouldn't quit pestering him to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 274

You deserved it 57 485

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 5 581

By nilssonfan - 17/11/2010 08:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 870

You deserved it 5 966

By Ryuun12 - 03/10/2014 03:20 - United States - Morgan Hill

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 8 809

Ryuun12 tells us more.

Ryuun12 4

Saturday 4 October 2014 4:57

Lol. I'm not overweight. I just have meaty thighs. Yet my calves are... veryyy skinny. I do have me some moobs though! Lol. And a bit of a belly. I was trying to be funny not complain about being fat, lol. But its not really that obvious. But you know. Always appreciate these nice comments. (Hint thats sarcasm. Besides the few that were nice.

By lolomg - 08/09/2011 01:22 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 580

You deserved it 3 078

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 193

You deserved it 47 586

Waxing and waning

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 22:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Spicy

Today, being tired of all the shrubbery growing “downstairs”, I decided to give my lady bits a good waxing. So, naturally, I now have a tiny tear in my right labia and I'm scratching my itchy buttcrack with an old toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 521

That's some BS

By unemployed - 21/05/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 778

You deserved it 77 835

By Forever Alone - 03/07/2013 04:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my mom bet my dad $100 that she could pay my boyfriend ten bucks to break up with me. She is now $90 richer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 821

You deserved it 3 699

By Joey - 24/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 778

You deserved it 8 363

Time for a change

By whattalife - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 705

You deserved it 5 185

By soupduped - 06/12/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 850

You deserved it 38 382

FML on Facebook

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The Top

The Top

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 438

You deserved it 1 547

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 623

You deserved it 29 953

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 788

You deserved it 5 560

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldn’t find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 9 220

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 273

You deserved it 30 251

Today, my professor handed me back a paper I spent hours hours working on. At the bottom in red it said "D" followed by, "That was a gift." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 8 024