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By Soakedandbroke - 26/01/2016 17:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 000

You deserved it 1 790

Bedtime

By kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Woodville

Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 650

You deserved it 1 711

By DatAss - 15/01/2016 10:56

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 027

You deserved it 2 471

The blame game

By Anonymous - 12/01/2016 14:44

Today, I'm mad at my dad for forgetting it's my birthday. He's mad at me for not reminding him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 803

You deserved it 1 915

By drew the short straw - 15/12/2018 13:30

Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 224

By FMeRight? - 28/12/2015 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me in front of his whole family with the ring his mother had helped him pick out. Two hours later, I found emails of nudes from another women that had been sent to him a week prior, on his phone. Our flight for home leaves in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 940

You deserved it 1 658

By fuckingads - 13/02/2017 19:00 - United States - Brookfield

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex to music, which we hadn't done before. I was getting close when it cut to commercial. I was so turned off by the idea of coming during an ad break that I didn't come at all. Thanks Spotify. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 723

You deserved it 2 172

Just great

By Sadginger - 21/12/2015 23:45 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Spicy

Today, the man I have been in a long-distance relationship with for two years told me he has been cheating on me for six months, and that he's leaving me for her. I'm due to fly out to see him next week on a non-refundable ticket. He insists that, "We can still hang out, just not have sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 380

You deserved it 2 262

By sharee - 19/12/2015 20:51 - United States - Providence

Spicy

Today, my father-in-law asked me if I have breast implants in front of the whole family for the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 333

You deserved it 2 132

By shitlicker - 08/12/2015 04:38 - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 195

You deserved it 2 145

Growing old disgracefully

By adam - 05/12/2015 14:54 - Czech Republic

Today, my dad is having his midlife crisis, bought a Mercedes, along with having a girlfriend less than half his age. I was trying to be supportive, until I found out he is funding his midlife crisis with my university loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 288

You deserved it 1 566

Effective

By Nublet - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 451

You deserved it 5 588

By clkoko - 27/11/2015 02:47 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using three times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 457

You deserved it 5 588

Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.

By Karma - 15/03/2017 02:00

Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 680

You deserved it 7 240

By Dying Son - 05/04/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 192

Or he's a drug mule?

By jlujan00 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I cleaned up the dog poop from around the back yard. This is how I discovered that my dog's favorite snack appears to be used condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 519

You deserved it 3 066

By xloverin - 14/11/2015 16:23 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 166

You deserved it 12 160

By CSPKrissi - 04/04/2017 04:00

Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 255

You deserved it 402

By Dumped - 06/04/2017 14:00

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 369

You got what you wanted

By Anonymous - 19/08/2014 18:16 - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned, "The bitch on the pot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 153

You deserved it 19 062

Pile on

By BoCoMoGal - 13/05/2017 04:00

Today, my phone reset, wiping the touch ID on my credit card. I can't remember the password so I'm locked out. I tried "Forgot password", but you need to have the physical card. The card is tucked away in the bank lock box. The key to the lock box is packed in one of the 150 boxes we have prepped to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 834

You deserved it 2 493

By kiwibadja - 09/12/2016 15:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I thought it would be a nice idea to take some flowers and candy to a friend whose cat had just passed away. As I was leaving, I ran over her other cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 356

You deserved it 1 885

By whoops - 01/08/2014 20:45 - United States - Vincennes

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 366

You deserved it 25 991

By Anonymous - 12/06/2019 02:10

Today, my husband came home with tears in his eyes. I ran and asked him why he was crying. He said he wasn't, but he finally admitting to talking to a woman in a bar who, when she noticed his wedding ring, sprayed him with mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 263

By Anonymous - 27/09/2015 07:10 - United States - Queens Village

Today, while singing Happy Birthday to my husband, I desperately needed to fart. I couldn't leave the room, so I let it out real slow. There were over 20 of us there, yet somehow my mother-in-law knew it was me. She went over to the window and opened it wide, all while glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 160

You deserved it 4 070

By meghancuma - 22/09/2015 17:25 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got fired from my nannying job because one of the mom's several boyfriends mentioned that he found me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 1 576

meghancuma tells us more.

meghancuma 14

Wednesday 23 September 2015 3:16

OP here, her kids were the best. That's the worst part of losing the job.

By sirengamer - 14/06/2017 20:00 - United States

Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 991

You deserved it 314

By TheVengefulGeek - 13/09/2015 21:28 - Canada - Hanmer

Today, I got excited about finishing up my laundry detergent and softener, because I could get new ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 480

You deserved it 3 486

WretchedOnyx tells us more.

WretchedOnyx 29

Monday 14 September 2015 15:01

OP here. Can't believe this actually got published. Insight time: we've been stuck in the little-to-no-money rut for a about a year now. The detergent we had smelled like hospitals and that weird plastic-y smell you get hit with at the dentist's office. We finally have enough money to get the stuff that has an actual scent instead of whatever "clean breeze" is supposed to be, so it's a small victory that is actually quite symbolic to us. Your comments had me laughing. A lot of you are right; enjoy the little things. You tend to miss out if you overlook them :)

By AgentKoos_99 - 11/10/2016 07:52 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after waiting 3 months to see if I got the job I had applied for, I was told that they never received my application. Turns out that the email address that they told me to send it to was not being checked anymore and that they would be happy to consider me for the following year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 032

You deserved it 1 361

By FranchezDeVista - 30/08/2015 18:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 130

You deserved it 2 269

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Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 373

You deserved it 1 900

Today, after 4 years of staring each other down at the bar, we both finally made a move and ended up at his apartment. After 45 mins of unsuccessfully getting anywhere, I left, to walk home in a hail storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 358

You deserved it 3 749

Today, and for the past seven weeks, the weather forecast has been the same, invariably saying, "This week, it’ll be either hot or rainy, but next week it’ll be mild and sunny." I’m still waiting for "next week's” weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 188

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 207

You deserved it 50 197

Today, my wife had our first child. He's identical to her coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 144

Today, I was hanging in the street with the boys, listening to some jams on my car's new speaker system. Some asshole from the apartments above me threw a bag of trash at my car. Direct hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 980