The Top

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Technologically Challenged

By paper towel virgin - 24/05/2013 00:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 334

You deserved it 40 309

By Anonymous - 10/10/2010 04:29 - United States

Today, I swerved to miss hitting a kitten, over-corrected, hit and killed the cat, and totaled my truck by hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 512

You deserved it 13 900

By Rob - 09/10/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 043

You deserved it 7 017

By burn - 01/08/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 992

You deserved it 3 509

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 056

You deserved it 63 313

By The Joker? - 31/07/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 910

You deserved it 3 471

It's true, though

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 23:06 - United States - Horseheads

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 928

You deserved it 11 268

By notabeliever - 29/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 780

You deserved it 7 215

Nature is healing

By screwthewilderness - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I visited my vacation cabin. I've been planning to sell it, and it was in perfect condition when I last visited about 6 months ago. I walked in the door to find the floor covered in muddy pawprints and bloody remainders of meals. It appears some bears moved in during my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 652

You deserved it 3 769

Pranked, level 2000

By Poopyhead - 08/11/2009 19:14 - Ireland

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 759

You deserved it 15 749

By Lo_Bolian - 25/04/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 694

You deserved it 3 421

Close quarters

By Frannny - 15/08/2023 20:00

Today, my mother-in-law pulled into our driveway like a bat out of hell, knocking down the mailbox, and nearly running over our dog who was outside. What was the rush? Hannity was gonna come on TV. My husband refuses to find this woman a home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 116

By culodegrillo - 13/05/2013 20:36 - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 061

You deserved it 3 278

The Vengabus is coming

By tim12345 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 537

You deserved it 3 642

Keep quiet

By PoorAndabroke - 28/05/2022 22:00

Today, I learned that you shouldn’t announce on social media that you’re leaving on vacation for a week. Your house might get broken into, and all your electronics will be missing. They were kind enough to leave a note saying, “If you can afford a vacation, you can afford to replace all this shit. Have fun!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 1 447

By anona - 08/07/2014 16:29 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I complained to the train company online. I filled in information and added several photos as evidence. I only realised later that the photos I attached were nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 230

You deserved it 65 340

By painful - 24/07/2011 08:55 - Norway

Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 2 655

By Anonymous - 23/07/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, I realized that the guy I've been sending anonymous, dirty emails to knows who I am. My signature, which includes my full name, was automatically added to the end of every email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 82 844

Chill out, Bugs

By trex_life - 14/03/2021 20:00

Today, I bought my sister a bunny and all it does is try to bang my cat, and shit and piss in my room to mark its territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 551

The spirit world

By ElixirRose - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I killed a centipede. Now every little itch I feel, I think it's the centipede's spirit coming back to haunt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 708

You deserved it 47 078

Snoopy

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's Facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex-girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 389

You deserved it 37 065

Pull yourself together

By ohgosh1428 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in Las Vegas, after taking my drunk dad and his drunk friend to their respective hotel rooms, I realised that I, despite being 16 years-old, am the responsible one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 254

Not now!

By Vombride - 16/03/2021 08:00

Today, at noon, I'm marrying the love of my life. It's 4 a.m. and I can't stop vomiting and shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 94

Fairweather friends

By Anonymous - 28/08/2023 14:00 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad is terminally ill from bone cancer. It’s been 2 months and not even one of my so-called friends have asked me how I’m doing or how my parents are doing. They do however contact me when they need something. I have always been there for them - guess I was a fool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 137

Many such cases

By gaga - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 092

You deserved it 39 497

Morning!

By wellesleybanana - 17/04/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 267

You deserved it 4 691

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 14:33

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 1 310

By VocalizedBoar - 20/05/2012 23:35 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, there is an annual solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 769

You deserved it 3 323

VocalizedBoar tells us more.

VocalizedBoar 6

Monday 21 May 2012 9:32

No joke, all solar eclipse glasses were sold out. Even all the welding goggles were sold out at the hardware stores.

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 826

You deserved it 51 745

Baker's dozen

By Glenn - 21/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad undermined my life's work. I finally opened my own bakery, but my dad told me it's a "sissies job" since it doesn't involve manual labour like he did for 50 years and I'll probably go out of business, because no one will want cakes from a 6 foot 8 man with tattoos, piercings and a shaved head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 129

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 105

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 421

You deserved it 3 364

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years left me for the woman I had previously expressed concerns about. I wouldn't feel so bad if he hadn't dumped me and then got with her not even two hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 171

Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 4 411

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 300

You deserved it 4 186

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 562

You deserved it 2 294