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Bastard child

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 11:01

Today, my scumbag son proposed to his sweetheart girlfriend with an engagement ring he stole off his sister's finger while she was in hospital unconscious after an epileptic fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 122

You deserved it 217

Nice try old man

By Chris - 23/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 368

You deserved it 2 253

By RainbowSuck - 07/02/2017 16:00 - Canada

Today, after passing various interviews and tests, I was given a great job pending a pre-employment medical test. Now I'm jobless and colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 230

You deserved it 719

Size Queen

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 19:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 195

By Dumped - 22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 143

You deserved it 11 687

By OfficeFatty - 30/10/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 773

You deserved it 5 010

Leave us alone

By DepressedMama - 26/01/2022 12:00 - United States - Kula

Today, my husband and mother started supplementing my newborn son with formula, because they are such control freaks and don't like my son getting attached to me. He was doing very well while exclusively breastfed according to the doctor. But it looks like my happiness or my son's well-being is of zero importance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 176

Well received

By egghead - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 603

You deserved it 3 313

By foreveralone - 23/07/2013 09:51 - New Zealand - Torbay

Today, I was finally asked out on a date after a year of being single. Turns out he got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 979

You deserved it 3 555

By youngboob - 21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 228

You deserved it 3 692

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 838

You deserved it 46 014

By bluehairedfreakgirl - 01/06/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 523

You deserved it 38 736

Boom boom

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 232

You deserved it 953

Little shit

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 20:01 - Malaysia

Today, I went to the graveyard with my little brother to visit my grandfather's grave. While we were there, my brother suddenly asked me, "Can you die now? I hate you." He's 7 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 168

Thanks

By yeahhhhhommmie - 18/09/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man came up to me and said, "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 057

You deserved it 3 521

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 06:44

Today, I signed up to a Christian website in order to try and 'find God again'. I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 27 294

By epiiphany - 16/12/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 048

You deserved it 5 349

Weird-ass kids

By fml9124 - 05/12/2020 02:02

Today, my Asian girlfriend broke up with me because I'm not Asian, I'm Irish-American, 100%. She doesn't have a problem with me, though. It's her kids. Her grown children want her dating Asian men. She's 62, I'm 63. Is that like reverse racism when the kids are more racist than the parents? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 141

That's great honey!

By Anonymous - 09/05/2023 10:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Bumble. He spent the entire time talking about his pet tarantula and showing me pictures of it, all while I made 'ooh' and 'aah' noises, as if the guy was a child showing me his kindergarten drawings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 263

Go broke, go woke

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 742

You deserved it 8 549

Single and unwilling to mingle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 14:00

Today, without really meaning to, I’ve become the angry old widower who lives alone, and whose neighbours don’t talk to him and their kids are scared of. I can’t be sure, but I think the kids even invented a legend about me being the old man monster of the neighbourhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 203

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I went to a BBQ. The night was going well until I had to wrestle car keys away from my intoxicated mother in front of all my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 589

You deserved it 1 995

What's this?

By sorrydad - 13/12/2009 18:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had our parents over to our new apartment for the first time. We spent hours cleaning, cooking, and making sure everything was "parent-appropriate." Apparently we didn't notice the BDSM catalog in the pile on our coffee table... but his mom sure did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 551

You deserved it 19 920

By gracewinchester - 10/10/2014 06:57 - United States - Eugene

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 562

You deserved it 5 069

gracewinchester tells us more.

gracewinchester 12

Saturday 11 October 2014 0:33

Just to clarify: I wasn't just crying because of the soup. My college apps are due Monday, I was going to have to be at school from 7:30AM - 8:00 the next morning, I have a huge part in a play and expectations are very high, SATs are Saturday, LOTS more. The store's official policy is to have an employee come with the customer and get a soup sample. The soup sample cups look exactly like the salad dressing cups so she probably thought I was trying soup without asking or an employee made a mistake, which is actually what happened. I normally don't ever cry in front of people but for some reason that just set me off. Hope that clears anything up :)

No more clicks for you

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 14:00

Today, after I'd saved a baby mouse and was filming a YouTube series of me taking care of it, my boyfriend told me he found a “rat” in the kitchen, but not to worry he killed it and fed it to the cat. He killed my baby mouse, and now he’s mad I didn’t praise him for his brilliant extermination job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 661

By theseguysarewhipped... - 06/10/2014 15:05 - Canada - London

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 696

You deserved it 5 252

Getting on a bit

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 12:00 - Germany - Leer

Today, I’m at that glorious age where I have to pull apart my wrinkles to get at the zits hiding inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 113

By Juicy12Jham - 09/09/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with Microsoft Customer Service for about a total of two hours. That's the longest I've ever talked to anybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 123

You deserved it 4 463

Since when has that been there?

By Michelle - 19/12/2020 08:01

Today, I thought something was wrong with my car battery because my dashboard lights were really low. I paid $77 to find out the dimmer switch was turned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 876

Mind your own business

By New CV and Tinder needed - 23/05/2023 12:00

Today, I got a harsh warning from my boss. I apologized because I was genuinely in the wrong. My girlfriend found out about it and sent my boss a message, threatening to kick her ass. I'm now suspended. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 169

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 884

You deserved it 2 807

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 981

You deserved it 9 588

Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 1 888

Today, at college, I finally talked myself into confessing my feelings to a girl I really like. Her response was to threaten to sue me. For what, exactly? I have no goddamned idea. I just don't understand people anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 775

You deserved it 3 439

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 382

You deserved it 28 568

Cheerleading? No... This is Sparta!

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 97