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Bankers!

By Grinsporked - 11/10/2019 22:00

Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 146

By she sure has an arm. - 28/02/2013 11:57 - United States - Clinton

Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 2 633

Multitasking

By the_dog_sitter - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, I watched as a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was OK but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 012

You deserved it 25 097

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 1 336

Hey stinky!

By kristinjanie10 - 04/06/2021 04:00

Today, my doctor informed me that my severe body odor has no cure, no treatments, and is caused by… eating food. Not any specific food, just food. So either I can stop eating entirely, or I can smell like rotting fish in an outhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 116

Communication breakdown

By Jen - 20/03/2012 05:11 - United States - Woodland Hills

Spicy

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 024

You deserved it 7 330

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 990

You deserved it 4 110

By cdick - 11/03/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to exchange presents for our birthdays. I spent $100 on perfume and Victoria's Secret clothes. She bought me a bag of lifesavers, then asked me to leave because she wanted to take a nap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 222

You deserved it 5 441

What's your excuse?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 06:00

Today, I'm in a legal dispute with my neighbour, but he uses his autism as an excuse for being an asshole. I know people with autism much worse than his who are the nicest people, but this guy uses it like a get-out-of-jail free card, especially in front of police, or whenever we go to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 131

By blue. - 19/05/2011 23:32

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 239

You deserved it 3 462

On yer bike

By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 20:00

Today, I replaced the fog lights on my car and completely filled my gas tank. $50+ later, the transmission decided it wanted to go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 103

By neveragain - 16/03/2012 05:11 - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 495

You deserved it 30 902

By Meghan - 22/02/2013 01:33 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "The lovely Meghan." I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 706

You deserved it 5 883

Bad influence

By I'm depressed and I'm not an irredeemable asshole - 20/08/2022 14:00

Today, I told my friend that I don't like spending time around one of her other friends. He's a hardcore Trumpist, who goes out of his way to make people uncomfortable, and be as cruel as possible at every opportunity. She uninvited me from our weekly game nights, because, "He's lonely and depressed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 382

By Samantha - 13/03/2012 17:59 - Canada

Today, my dad insisted on having a family movie night. He chose the movies Jaws and Mayday. I'm going on a diving expedition tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 010

You deserved it 2 929

Nooooob, dude

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that the automatic message on the bottom of my email that I use for work is the signature, and can be changed, but for the past year I've used it, it's been an 'Get Outlook for Android' ad link the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 863

Get out

By Let Me go - 27/08/2022 02:00

Today, my husband needs the money from my job, but will in no way support me to work. He NEVER cooks, cleans, or picks up after himself. I've got no place to work, except a nook by the bathroom, and I have to manage my toddler, who always poops only when I'm in a meeting, and cries for me. Quitting my job is "out the question." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 245

Your funny uncle

By Sole Heir - 16/12/2023 03:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, I was cleaning my recently late uncle's house. I found an old framed photo of a boy aged about 3. He's naked and shyly smiling to the camera, holding a heart-shaped sign that reads, "My penis is small, but my love is BIG." I showed it to my mom and asked who it was. She just snorted and said, "You were his favorite!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 122

By divorced - 07/03/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I said to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said, "Mommy, I don't want to leave." She wasn't talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 170

You deserved it 10 458

By sistermonster - 26/02/2014 09:45 - France - Salon-de-provence

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 207

By collegedoesntwantme - 07/03/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I got a letter from my college saying that if my tuition was not paid in the next 24 hours, I will be terminated from classes. Turns out account services has been depositing my tuition money in another student’s account whose social security number was one digit different from mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 418

You deserved it 3 264

yeeesh tells us more.

yeeesh 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 18:19

my ssn was correct, but some dumbass work-study in account services was handling payments apparently and somehow put the mailed checks from my parents into someone else's account. my parents came in person to pay by check after i got another letter saying i was to move out of my dorm since the tuition still hasn't been paid. all they could say was, "oh, we're sorry, but here's your money back," after i was humiliated by eviction from my dorm room and already suspended from classes.

By Good choice cat - 24/02/2014 19:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that I'm the only person in my family that our new cat likes. She sleeps on my bed and always sits in my lap and despises everyone else. I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 722

You deserved it 4 518

By Kyle - 10/05/2011 10:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 000

You deserved it 47 006

Time for a change

By Lilly - 22/12/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend is sulking and throwing things around. Apparently, the “love of his life” Demi Lovato got engaged. When I told him he’s overreacting over a celebrity and that I should be the love of his life, he punched a hole in the wall, screamed at me, and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 202

Third, fourth, and fifth wheel

By Unwanted - 10/06/2010 12:54 - Australia

Today, I was in a car with my housemate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 075

You deserved it 3 970

So cute

By lildale92 - 05/11/2019 02:00

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 305

By dragynfyre - 06/03/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 942

You deserved it 2 136

By goinginsane - 06/05/2011 07:25

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 799

You deserved it 7 173

Bizarre love triangle

By sunburychick - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 125

You deserved it 26 382

Artificial teeth

By horribleawfulnogoodverybadweek - 15/11/2019 05:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over text because she discovered from my mum that my teeth aren't my natural teeth, and she feels disgusted kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 225

You deserved it 185

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, my mom showed to my girlfriend my naked baby photos. My girlfriend said, "Nothing’s changed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 732

You deserved it 374

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 678

You deserved it 47 240

Today, I was told by one of my bridesmaids that she can't afford the travel costs to get to my wedding, after telling me that she didn't need me to organize alternate free travel for her. I'm getting married in less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 096

You deserved it 241

Today, I walked out of our house. My wife suddenly became quiet again because she was mad at me for an unknown reason. It's always like this, and it annoys me every time. She has too much pride and doesn't want to talk things out. I feel so sad, especially since we have a five-month-old baby. I want to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 153

Today, I showed my best friend a picture of my new girlfriend. He gave me a high five, followed up with, "Looks like we're Eskimo bros!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 132

Today, my school textbook's back cover ripped off. Not wanting to have my teacher find out, I glued the cover back together. Only after the glue dried did I realize that I actually glued the back cover upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 364

You deserved it 25 342