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By WellGroomed - 23/10/2015 01:19 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I walked into my living room to find my housemate sitting on the couch, bollock naked, trimming his pubes with scissors. He's surprised I have an issue with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 231

You deserved it 1 643

WellGroomed tells us more.

WellGroomed 4

Saturday 24 October 2015 5:07

This was actually a few years ago when I was living in Dublin. Never seen that movie so they could well have plagiarised the idea from me! Another classic from this guy: With my toothbrush in his mouth-"you're not one of those people who cares when someone uses their toothbrush are you?" FML

Son, we have something to tell you…

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my parents told me I was adopted. I can understand parents waiting for a child to be old enough to understand, but I'm 33 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 122

You deserved it 2 708

By GaveAnInchTakeAMile - 11/05/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 602

You deserved it 5 857

By northernlass - 20/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 957

You deserved it 2 683

Butter fingers

By two-hours-to-pick-up - 09/10/2009 09:46 - Australia

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 10 833

By AIienware - 30/06/2015 15:33

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 595

You deserved it 6 131

CPS FML

By Anonymous - 28/06/2015 05:13 - United States - Corona

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 042

You deserved it 2 670

By Anonymous - 25/06/2015 07:06 - Australia - Subiaco

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 266

You deserved it 2 385

By depresso - 13/03/2009 05:30 - Canada

Today, I found an obituary clipping on my kitchen table. It was for my grandpa. No one told me he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116 161

You deserved it 5 095

By mandygeegoesnom - 29/02/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 169

You deserved it 2 541

By legit - 02/03/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 216

You deserved it 46 945

Understandable

By whytetrash - 02/11/2012 05:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 913

You deserved it 2 896

By FML - 19/01/2016 06:41 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 026

You deserved it 1 460

By queenmeme - 08/10/2014 06:02 - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 384

You deserved it 3 742

By Kristinmarsh08 - 29/10/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months. His reply? "I gotta work that day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 369

You deserved it 3 716

By Miserable - 11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 640

You deserved it 41 151

Work is work

By mylifeisfed - 04/11/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 817

You deserved it 12 847

By emma_waters23 - 26/04/2013 00:11 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 845

You deserved it 6 012

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 011

You deserved it 2 795

I just work here, dude

By TVKill3r - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said, "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 184

You deserved it 2 836

By TheVagabond_SRG - 02/08/2016 06:46 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I started my first day at a job. First thing my manager does is ask me if I knew the fastest way to kill someone there, then told me with a straight face all of what would occur when dumping a person's head into the deep fryer. Then the psycho assigned me to the fry station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 554

You deserved it 1 079

Smells like… victory

By sickofthesmelltoo - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 071

You deserved it 3 169

Make it stop

By shitty shit - 26/05/2015 15:40 - United States - Carmel

Today, I was looking at old pictures with my mom and saw one of myself crying in kindergarten. I asked why I was crying. She said that was the day a boy kissed me on the cheek, and I thought I'd gotten pregnant. She then decided to give me the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 238

You deserved it 3 907

By Anonymous - 17/04/2015 19:50 - Argentina

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 369

You deserved it 1 951

Bigmouth

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 772

You deserved it 10 446

By Anon - 28/12/2012 08:14 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 308

You deserved it 35 614

Miserable

By myworstday - 05/04/2016 01:36 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was let go from an unpaid internship. The reasons cited was that I seemed unhappy at work. No, that's just my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 2 009

By Liv - 29/10/2013 22:09 - United Kingdom - Great Bookham

Today, my mother was talking about a holiday she went on this time last year. She turned to me to say, "You would've loved it, it's a shame you couldn't come". I was there. It was just the two of us on holiday together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 899

You deserved it 2 806

By the fuck? - 05/03/2016 09:49 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, I actually had to reassure the girl I'm seeing that she can't "catch" my epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 763

You deserved it 1 724

Marooned

By fmljae - 20/01/2011 09:11

Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 865

You deserved it 30 985

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 219

You deserved it 4 362

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 725

You deserved it 11 828

Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 657

You deserved it 9 824

Today, the heat rash that has been devouring my side for the last week was revealed to be something much worse: shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 736

You deserved it 3 051

Today, my grandma died. I was very very close to her, but now my kids are grieving the loss of their great grandma. Between my 7 year-old getting extremely mad, my 5 year-old being super whiny/needy, I'm getting no sleep as my 3 year-old is almost constantly having nightmares. I've yet to get my time to grieve and I'm tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 132

Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 278

You deserved it 4 590