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OP here! Thanks for all the comments and concerns. To make this shorter I've already answered specific questions directly. She was a really nice lady and thought my hand tattoos (flowers,) were nice and just wanted to see the rest of the hidden one she noticed. After she realized just how far up my leg it went, and how high my skirt had been pulled she did back away. I could be mad at her but really I just see it as a funny story to tell, no harm was meant and she meant it as a compliment in her own way. She did tip me, and it helped my business at least since other customers felt bad for me and over tipped me. ;) Keep the jokes coming, I think they're all great!

Great seeing you again

By Kristin - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 006

You deserved it 3 979

By bleurghh - 31/12/2010 15:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a guy I like when I was out shopping. We acknowledged each other with a little wave, but as I walked away, I heard him say to his friend, "She's never gonna get me with THAT moustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 888

You deserved it 8 861

By broke_kid - 03/01/2010 13:18 - United States

Today, I noticed white stuff in my colored clothes as I transferred them from the washer to the dryer. That's when I realized that the white stuff is my paycheck which I had put in my pants earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 154

You deserved it 15 039

Bunch of freeloaders...

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 890

You deserved it 3 333

By superspy3214 - 04/11/2015 03:24 - United States

Today, I was working at a movie theater when I was called to clean what can only be described as "Dog Shit Surprise" out of a theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 173

You deserved it 1 442

superspy3214 tells us more.

superspy3214 16

Wednesday 4 November 2015 18:15

OP here, first of all I'm still in school making A's in my honors courses and secondly it was neither human nor dog shit, apparently a guy brought his kid into the theater to see Paranormal Activity and the kid got so scared he threw up then dumped his popcorn and mozzarella sticks on the ground

Patterned

By jhughes1997 - 17/06/2013 01:39 - United States - Decatur

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 913

You deserved it 12 510

By Thatguynoonelikes - 29/09/2015 13:21 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was babysitting a couple of kids. I'd spent time with them before, so I brought my video game console to play with them. I forgot to take it home with me. They soon sold it to another kid for $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 853

You deserved it 6 536

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 13:55 - Canada

Today, I spent a hundred dollars on new "business casual" clothes and took two hours to get ready for my interview with a government agency. My interviewer was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 927

You deserved it 7 396

Hey!

By QueueJumper - 11/02/2014 00:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 571

You deserved it 17 642

By FuckingDone - 20/05/2016 23:08 - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 164

You deserved it 1 112

By Oreo - 10/05/2016 08:58

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 598

You deserved it 1 963

By technical - 31/03/2015 02:50 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 999

You deserved it 2 380

By nohobo - 09/03/2015 21:22 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I noticed that whenever I don't give the homeless guy around the corner some money, my side mirrors get stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 829

You deserved it 2 997

nohobo tells us more.

nohobo 4

Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:12

OP here. Only the reflective glass parts get stolen and it takes 10 seconds and a screwdriver. Dealership ones are sold on the black market for half price, though I got the cheap chinese plastic ones and those go missing too. Out of spite I think, since they have my plate number on them and are worth nothing. The police won't do anything, it's a common theft; they told me to get better insurance -_- . Car alarm wouldn't work either, the thief would be gone by the time I arrive. They got stolen 3 times, all nights after I didn't give the guy anything. And the guy is pretty much harassing me now. Like coming to my car to offer to carry my bags or opening my door (creepy, right?). I tried to firmly but politely tell him to leave me alone but nada. Gonna report him for harassment and if he comes near me again he'll get a face full of pepper spray, since that's probably the only way he'll understand. Sorry for the wall of text, and thanks for your supportive/funny comments, they've made my day :D