The Top

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By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 03:19 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. It was going OK, until he started asking me if he should stick with the site until he finds the right person. I guess I know how he feels about me, at least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 683

You deserved it 2 921

By rhiannakirwan - 17/04/2016 18:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 641

You deserved it 7 338

By lemonadedisguise - 18/07/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I was out to dinner with a friend. When the bill came with a customer satisfaction survey, I put honestly that the "server friendliness" was "below average." Ten minutes later, I had to return to the restaurant to beg the waitress for my keys, which I had left on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 947

You deserved it 22 627

Jesus is my social media manager

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 986

You deserved it 3 912

By NonBelieber - 18/09/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Bieber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 863

You deserved it 3 101

Goddammit

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I thought it would be easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 329

You deserved it 31 961

Thanks guys

By mommydearist - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 2 991

Customized

By gss - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I pulled one of my favorite hoodies out of my closet, and immediately noticed several large stains on it. Apparently, my dad had managed to open a hole in the roof and couldn't be bothered to patch it, so a squirrel got in and used my closet as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 531

You deserved it 2 287

By ant_hater - 28/08/2011 18:18 - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 646

You deserved it 2 532

By badtasteinmen - 15/10/2015 18:19 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 437

You deserved it 1 862

By the only sober one - 15/05/2013 06:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 959

You deserved it 2 807

By callmeclarence - 23/06/2014 05:41 - United States - Valencia

Today, I took my clothes off for a shower at an RV campsite. I started running the water when I noticed there was a pack of hornets in the bathroom. I stood there, stark naked, waiting for a chance to get out, for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 083

You deserved it 5 636

By NoMoreMeatForAYear - 21/05/2014 21:23 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 373

You deserved it 4 423

By GreatParenting - 26/07/2015 22:47 - United States - Nampa

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 171

You deserved it 1 964

Sex talk

By Bellagirl - 19/07/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 599

You deserved it 5 500

Fever pitch

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 14:26 - South Africa

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he was going to make it to our first child's christening as there was a football match on at the same time. Without hesitating, he replied that he would just watch the recording. He meant the recording of the christening. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 516

You deserved it 6 405

By Boss Troubles - 17/03/2015 06:12 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 854

You deserved it 12 393

Quack

By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 03:14 - New Zealand - Takanini

Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 714

You deserved it 1 594

By Anonymous - 05/03/2016 05:57 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 120

You deserved it 1 798

By brutality - 15/06/2009 05:38 - Canada

Today, I saw a few old co-workers at the bar. They recognized me and started calling me by the nickname they had for me that I was unaware of. It appears I was known as "butch megan" by the entire office for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 972

You deserved it 4 128

By Anonymous - 09/10/2014 22:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 619

You deserved it 6 138

By WellGroomed - 26/11/2015 15:20 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 692

You deserved it 1 601

Silver lining

By Beeky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Helena

Today, I was excited to receive a rejection letter, because this was the first company to even acknowledge that I sent them a resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 3 320

Say it

By Her - 06/11/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. We were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say, "I love you". So I told him to, "say it already." Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 461

You deserved it 5 569

By Anonymous - 08/05/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 057

You deserved it 5 550

By halebop - 06/04/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I was talking with my father on the phone when I mentioned I wanted to stay at school over the summer and work. He asked if it would be lonely with the campus empty, when I replied that my friends would be working here too. He asked: "What, all two of them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 723

You deserved it 5 177

By CJ - 12/08/2016 01:02 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 192

You deserved it 2 317

Thanks, I guess

By Stuckism - 15/09/2009 17:16 - Malaysia

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line told me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I had a headache, my legs were stiff, and my date must've thought I stood her up. The tech finally arrived, pries the door open, then rudely asked, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 492

You deserved it 3 594

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 408

You deserved it 8 860

By MichiganExile - 31/01/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 584

You deserved it 5 959

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to the gym that I just became a member of, making an extra effort to look good because I've heard there are hot guys there. The lady at the front desk said they need to take my picture, then took a second look and said, "Don't worry hun, we'll take it when you're more prepared." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 026

You deserved it 6 073

Today, my boyfriend and I had a threesome. He suggested we have another guy. It ended up devolving into a twosome, and I wasn't part of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 347

You deserved it 18 966

Today, despite all of the pictures and proof of my fiancé, my parents still think I have an imaginary boyfriend. They met him, and were there when he proposed. They think it's all a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 808

You deserved it 4 363

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 733

You deserved it 2 655

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 253

You deserved it 40 046

Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 811

You deserved it 42 378