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Yeah I'm OP, just to clear things up...I am English and 'sick' is a fairly acceptable synonym for vomit (the noun). My cat is NOT stuck in my radiator, it just puked in it, I'm 16, is it so unacceptable to have a family cat in the city? Oh, and yes, I was being sarcastic :P

By xMiSS_CuTiEx - 27/12/2009 22:25 - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 129

You deserved it 14 377

By Random Person - 21/11/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 453

You deserved it 3 597

Romance

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 916

You deserved it 4 676

By rightlessonwrong - 15/09/2014 05:06 - United States - Houston

Today, after politely reminding my husband to turn the bathroom light off after he's done, he did so. While I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 604

You deserved it 8 298

rightlessonwrong tells us more.

rightlessonwrong 17

Monday 15 September 2014 23:53

OP here. I was on the toilet while he was brushing his teeth. After he turned the light off I said "Hello, someone still in here!" To which he replied, "Oops! Sorry Hun!" And turned it back on for me.

By JuniorDetective - 07/05/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 439

You deserved it 17 855

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 16:54 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a grown man yelled at me because he'd been waiting for 15 minutes and still hadn't been seated or had his order taken. We were at a self-serve breakfast buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 420

You deserved it 3 991

GET OUTTA MY WAY

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike. Instead of coming to my aid, the driver just laid on his horn and screamed out the window for me to move my ass, because he had places to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 106

You deserved it 5 441

By Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 494

You deserved it 3 570

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 13:39 - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 368

You deserved it 9 691

By notenoughsex - 19/03/2009 05:46 - Canada

Today, I saw a video in class about women aged 65+ and their sex lives. An elderly, blind woman was having sex at her senior's home. I don't know what's worse, watching an hour-long documentary on this, or the fact that these women are having way more sex than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 661

You deserved it 10 514

By homeless - 26/03/2014 23:45 - United Kingdom - Winchester

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 465

You deserved it 3 656

Monday motivation

By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 09/02/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 904

You deserved it 2 339

Rah rah rah

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 5 099

Polite

By bleue - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let rip a loud fart. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 482

You deserved it 4 927

Catfished

By mylovelifeisanepicfail - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 233

You deserved it 3 980

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 10:41 - France

Today, my two favorite things in the world are Pizza and Beer... I now discover I have Celiac and can't have either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 886

You deserved it 3 321

Oops

By Hornymuch - 02/11/2012 11:35 - Germany

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 125

You deserved it 28 951

By justdoingmyjob - 18/07/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I was meeting the mayor of a major city as part of an internship program. Seated directly in front of him during his presentation on the budget crisis, he unleashed an enormous, foul fart in front of the entire audience. And then blamed it on me, everyone believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 431

You deserved it 3 139

By Nickie809 - 17/09/2012 14:59 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 178

You deserved it 1 876

By hazlanz216 - 06/10/2011 22:28 - Canada

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 971

You deserved it 2 173

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 157

You deserved it 3 568

By AlonsoKold - 26/07/2013 01:32 - United States - Clinton

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 745

You deserved it 46 913

AlonsoKold tells us more.

AlonsoKold 15

Friday 26 July 2013 18:02

They were just dried spaghetti noodles

By I_AM_READING - 14/10/2014 07:15 - United States - Anchorage

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 761

You deserved it 3 226

I_AM_READING tells us more.

I_AM_READING 5

Thursday 16 October 2014 2:26

OP here... I have no idea why she hit me instead of asking me not to help and still haven't a clue as to what stereotype it was. I was waiting for my father to come out of the store when I noticed her crossing the street when she just dropped the bags I came to help and she swung whatever was left in the bag at me till I left. I lucky didn't get hurt but I was kinda humiliated but as far as I could tell no one saw. I got a laugh telling my friends at school though so either way it just another funny story to tell.