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By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 3 537

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 608

You deserved it 25 149

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 02:39 - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 614

You deserved it 5 542

No match for the overwhelming force

By biotch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 298

You deserved it 6 550

By flurina - 18/12/2009 20:44 - Canada

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 459

You deserved it 3 669

I'm a loser, baby

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I felt like too much of a loser to go to a Christmas party, since I'd be the only one going without a date. I had to invent imaginary friends who were "coming into town for the holidays" to feel like less of a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 672

You deserved it 10 033

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 15:30 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 562

You deserved it 5 270

Too late

By fuzzle003 - 13/06/2012 12:47 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I finally bought the expensive but beautifully stylish dress I've been eyeing for ages online. Ten minutes later, I went back to check the shoes the model was wearing so I could coordinate my outfit. The dress had been reduced to half price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 718

You deserved it 4 145

By jessinono - 17/05/2013 16:16 - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 662

You deserved it 5 549

Boring

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 14:58 - Canada

Today, after drunk texting a girl the night before, I sent her a message saying I was sorry for everything I said. All she could say back? "Those were some of the most normal drunk texts I have ever read. I'd hate to see how boring you'd be sober." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 7 618

Needs

By Kelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out that all the things I've lent to my best friend over the last few years that have never been returned were actually pawned off so she could pay her cable bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 552

You deserved it 3 447

By please stop singing!!!! - 21/03/2014 23:59 - United States - Windermere

Today, I got to spend 4 hours on a bus with a group of selfie-taking teenagers who spent the majority of the time trying to harmonize while singing various songs. I'm pretty sure half of them were tone deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 351

You deserved it 4 146

Facebook drama

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 18:20 - United States

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 073

You deserved it 5 753

By nottananny - 21/07/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 750

You deserved it 3 535

By IhadToTakeCareOfTraumatizedFish - 03/03/2016 05:32 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 660

You deserved it 2 575

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 267

You deserved it 3 022

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 522

You deserved it 6 589

By InDebt - 04/02/2016 04:47 - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 504

You deserved it 1 967

Dude, what are you doing?

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 705

You deserved it 30 265

By poopexperttt - 07/09/2012 07:12 - United States

Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 575

You deserved it 2 455

By Hmmwtf - 10/12/2009 10:38 - Australia

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 104

You deserved it 3 066

Who? Where? Why? What?

By up to no-good... - 22/08/2014 04:09 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 531

You deserved it 3 227

By kp. - 03/09/2015 16:30 - United States

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 299

You deserved it 3 933

Anything counts

By bubblegummm13 - 27/09/2009 04:30 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my university informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 765

You deserved it 4 489

Ouch

By leaannec30 - 10/07/2016 18:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I thought my car was overheating. I then thought it was wise to put my hand close to my muffler to feel the heat. Needless to say, I stuck my entire hand on my muffler then had to drive around with the only cold thing in my car. A cold beer from my cooler. Yes, I got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 762

You deserved it 11 971

Shine on

By owmyfoot - 24/02/2014 02:22 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 681

You deserved it 40 892

Queasy

By photofaint - 23/02/2012 12:11 - United Kingdom

Today, we had our whole staff photo. We all had to stand up in rows in height order, as I'm tall I had to stand in the middle, at the back. I'm horribly claustrophobic and ended up fainting in front of 100 colleagues, taking down 4 people around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 3 648

By D.J. - 25/01/2014 01:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 908

You deserved it 6 531

Profiler

By ocean555 - 07/03/2011 00:27 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 134

You deserved it 4 291

By UnchainedGaruda - 17/11/2014 15:29 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I heard my mother say, "I feel bad for any girl that marries him because he's, what's the word? Metrosexual!" To my girlfriend. About me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 278

You deserved it 3 500

UnchainedGaruda tells us more.

UnchainedGaruda 8

Tuesday 18 November 2014 2:17

Hey guys! OP here to shed light on the situation. Homecoming is this weekend and my girlfriend, mother and I were out getting the final vest and tie to finish off my attire, so I can match my girlfriend's dress. Then my mom said that. She isn't ignorant, a bigot, or anything of the sort. She was joking around and said it proudly. She went on to say that "if you're in the store buying face cream to stay smooth or whatever it is, he's right there with you to look good too" Which has an element of truth in it. I try to look good and keep myself hygienic and it pays off. It's also a bit of curiosity to be honest too! There's so many things for girls!! Anyway, my girlfriend laughed with her, and yes that's probably one of the reasons she's with me. Hope you all enjoyed!

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The Top

The Top

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you." My heart melted and I told her that I loved her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 294

You deserved it 3 219

Today, I went to my first job interview. I didn't think I was doing too badly, until the interviewer said, "Wait a second, you're in high school?" I explained that the guy who'd called me had said that this wouldn't be a problem. I then watched as my interviewer left his desk to "deal" with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 102

You deserved it 1 183

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 774

You deserved it 398

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 428

You deserved it 4 334

Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to "love the gas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 342

You deserved it 8 057

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 666

You deserved it 14 786