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By DabTheFuckOut - 16/09/2016 19:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 573

You deserved it 1 144

Bad sex

By Undersexed - 14/09/2016 22:01 - United States - Washington

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 047

You deserved it 2 479

By yessssir - 09/03/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 891

You deserved it 4 948

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 07:16 - United States - Roscoe

Today, my 3 year-old woke up with diarrhea. The stench caused him to throw up. My husband started sympathy puking all over the floor. I'm so exhausted already that I'm considering just burning the damn house down to avoid cleaning it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 823

You deserved it 1 676

By bobosgonnagetyou - 01/11/2013 06:04 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 996

You deserved it 3 747

bobosgonnagetyou tells us more.

bobosgonnagetyou 8

Saturday 2 November 2013 8:41

Hey FML, OP here! I created an account so I could answer some of your questions. First off, I live in Oregon. Secondly, I thought it was hilarious, although a tad creepy at times, but I just let her do her thing and didn't try to stop her. Most people thought it was great and took it really well. She had a blast doing it, and was simply pulling a prank, which is what Halloween is all about! :)

By jitterbug - 02/01/2015 05:36 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 757

You deserved it 4 743

Supportive

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 110

You deserved it 2 464

Unfair

By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 059

You deserved it 38 626

Awwww

By ljjprchf - 13/12/2009 01:29 - Australia

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year-old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year-old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 13 829

Oh, so NOW you're listening

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 05:28 - United States - Lewes

Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for a serious discussion was to heavily imply I wanted to talk about having a threesome. In actual fact, I just wanted to break up with him face-to-face, because he barely acknowledges my existence unless he's horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 2 700

It's not what you think

By Redfaced - 15/05/2013 16:54 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting, because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 805

You deserved it 11 779

By creepycrawley247 - 01/05/2013 02:50 - United States - Ellington

Today, after being nearly homeless and couch-hopping for the last few months, I finally signed a 1-year lease. When I got home, I was surprised to see a picture of my new complex on the front page of the newspaper. It turns out that they are fighting a serious bedbug infestation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 306

You deserved it 3 819

By BrandNewLemon - 15/08/2015 02:09 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 320

You deserved it 1 939

By janice - 03/06/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my boss called me to his office, and played back a recording of me telling a co-worker that if I still worked there in a year, I would hang myself. He then bitched me out for unprofessional conduct. The taped conversation took place over a year ago, with my recently ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 685

You deserved it 7 735

By IcyWinter - 02/04/2014 08:16 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 641

You deserved it 6 508

By tycrist8 - 26/06/2015 23:32 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 727

You deserved it 3 166

Hit the gym

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 563

You deserved it 3 255

Surprise !

By kelsey - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They apparently thought it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 652

You deserved it 5 100

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 18:38 - United States - Canton

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 765

You deserved it 4 548

By :^( - 07/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 242

You deserved it 3 212

By ellabellabooboo - 22/03/2015 02:27 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 302

You deserved it 2 686

Road rage

By badidea - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 266

You deserved it 10 262

Good boy

By AgathedeBlouse - 18/11/2008 06:42 - France

Today, as I do every morning, I woke up and gave my dog, who sleeps next to me, a kiss on the nose. Except that this morning he had been sleeping the other way round. I kissed him on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 25 188

By killme - 11/11/2014 17:43 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 968

You deserved it 7 144

By Foam - 26/12/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 715

You deserved it 3 007

By Anonymous - 23/08/2012 21:40 - Ireland - Kilkelly

Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 042

You deserved it 1 695

By WasteOfTime - 01/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 379

You deserved it 3 451

By Anonymous - 31/05/2014 07:24 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 735

You deserved it 4 068

By Anonymous - 25/03/2009 04:48 - Canada

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 692

You deserved it 81 371

By kha - 24/03/2009 10:18 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 326

You deserved it 15 167

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The Top

Today, it's my three month anniversary with my girlfriend and so I decided to bake her a cake from scratch. It took me three hours, a call to my mom, three different recipe books, and half my pantry. On the way to her house, I stopped to pick up flowers and left the cake in the car. It melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 668

You deserved it 11 788

Today, the man I've been with for ten years left me for a coworker he's known for three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 84

Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 259

You deserved it 3 503

Today, my husband called me “my little zebra”. I gave birth a month ago, and I’ve kept a few stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 762

You deserved it 2 719

Today, I realized my wife named our newborn son after her ex-boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the abusive, cheating, womanizer ex that she originally described when we first met. To make things better, he was the one that eventually cut her off, not the other way around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 117

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close it because I'd seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 177