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By overexcited - 02/02/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 031

You deserved it 38 541

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 3 618

By monkeyzz - 12/10/2012 11:11 - United States - Sonora

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 591

You deserved it 7 007

By idonthaveauserna - 09/10/2014 16:48 - United Kingdom - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 237

You deserved it 4 890

idonthaveauserna_fml tells us more.

idonthaveauserna_fml 2

Friday 10 October 2014 18:04

OP here- It's a long distance relationship, he told me over Skype. I can confirm that he HAS had a (long) shower now.

Fight your own battles

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 746

You deserved it 4 801

Let it all out

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, my four year-old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 925

You deserved it 5 436

Curiosity should stay at home

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 12:43 - Malta - Santa Venera

Spicy

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 320

You deserved it 8 408

Bad luck

By login_eddy - 17/09/2010 18:37 - France

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 676

You deserved it 6 749

Impossible

By Anonymous - 06/06/2011 14:18

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 220

You deserved it 4 144

Hangry time

By Anonymous - 21/04/2011 18:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 996

You deserved it 9 723

By ryuken23 - 14/02/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 089

You deserved it 2 936

By Anonymous - 20/03/2010 08:38 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 4 075

By Teiu88 - 20/10/2013 14:34 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 706

You deserved it 6 911

By Mikaela - 01/06/2012 03:25 - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 874

You deserved it 31 411

By NikkiiFireStarter - 20/10/2009 10:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my 10 year-old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including a £600 guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 127

You deserved it 2 938

By skc - 14/03/2009 11:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 382

You deserved it 65 065

By cane - 05/03/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 209

You deserved it 65 510

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 829

You deserved it 3 446

By smeeagain - 21/10/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 6 386

Genius move

By Soopa-Genius - 22/09/2011 12:06 - Canada

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 529

You deserved it 2 694

By SprinklerDodger - 08/06/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 731

You deserved it 2 429

By corasmom - 27/07/2011 18:09 - United States

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 10 551

This has gone too far

By concernedson - 12/09/2010 11:34 - Australia

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 595

You deserved it 4 949

By MissyPants - 15/08/2015 08:22 - United States - Lebec

Today, my husband decided he would rather be with his mistress than with me while I gave birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 603

You deserved it 2 476

MissyPants tells us more.

MissyPants 11

Sunday 16 August 2015 10:04

I am the op of this FML and I hope it shows that but let me explain this a little further. My soon to be ex husband has been cheating on me for the last few months of my pregnancy. I noticed the changes in him but I hoped it was just nerves over the baby. I actually caught him about three weeks before I went into labor and threw him out. I had planned on letting him be there when I gave birth to our baby girl but he didn't answer my calls. My mother was with me so I wasn't alone but I really thought he would want to see the birth of his first child. I have filed for divorce and have no problem being a single parent. He makes me physically ill at the moment but I have tried to be civil for our babies sake. I want him to be in her life because she deserves a dad but I can't force him to be one. I'm thrilled to be a mom no matter the circumstances and me and my daughter will be ok no matter what. Thank you all for the funny, sweet, and even mean comments; they make my day a little better.

By Anonymous - 27/07/2015 12:58 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 076

You deserved it 2 258

Spotted

By Username - 07/03/2010 17:41 - France

Spicy

Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 979

You deserved it 3 545

By Goth_Hawk - 13/01/2015 08:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 178

You deserved it 8 924

Goth_Hawk tells us more.

Goth_Hawk 28

Tuesday 13 January 2015 18:18

I'm OP, she does have a jaw issue, and the doctors have said they would have to break her jaw to fix it. I thought about it because it was 3am and the thought of her chewing came to mind as I was reading some of the dirtier submissions on FML. It was so jarring that I had to post it.

By Rachel - 23/10/2014 04:04 - United States - Waynesburg

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 006

You deserved it 11 769

By mac_miller55 - 31/07/2012 16:47 - United States - Lansdowne

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 651

You deserved it 2 252

mac_miller55 tells us more.

mac_miller55 2

Wednesday 1 August 2012 4:47

I posted this and I am a girl

By GrahamCracker - 21/05/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 681

You deserved it 8 945

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Keywords

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Today, I posted a story on Instagram just so a certain someone who has been ghosting me could reply. He didn't. He never even opened my Instagram story. I should give up by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 1 170

Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 345

You deserved it 3 438

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 356

You deserved it 3 847

Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend, who I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 318

You deserved it 258

Today, my house was pelted with rotten eggs. Apparently, my daughter and her friends are bullying a boy in her class. So, his older brother set out for revenge. According to the threatening note he left, "This is just the start if they don't leave him alone." My daughter thinks this means she should bully harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 1 756

Today, I called my mom to let her know that my father, her ex-husband, suffered a series of mini strokes. Her reply was essentially, "Oh that sucks. Are you still taking your grandmother to lunch sometime this week?" Dad lives halfway across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 176