Love Lazy ass

Lazy ass

crizzy - - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

41 116

4 335

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Nature is healing

KeysToHappiness - 16/08/2015 12:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML

22 476

8 687

Daddy - 02/06/2016 08:04 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, I fell off of the deck in my backyard, which wouldn't have been that bad if my drunk, idiot brother hadn't jumped off behind me yelling, "FINISH HIM!" while delivering a bone-crushing body slam. He is fine. I, however, am currently getting a cast for a broken arm. FML

8 490

703

mytoehurts - 26/06/2015 13:09 - Canada - Ayr

Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML

28 440

2 885

Anonymous - 06/11/2010 11:45 - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

32 341

5 610

Kinda sus, dude

Owie - 14/06/2023 12:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML

840

101

Pirate move

Anonymous -

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses, and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

9 723

26 867

wintersoldier - 14/07/2015 02:36 - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

25 071

2 384

letmediealready - 22/12/2017 19:00

Today I saved my wife's puppy from drowning in an icy pond and I ended up in the ER struggling to breath from the water in my lungs. When my wife showed up to see me, I caught her flirting with my doctor. FML

5 779

350

Rellies - 02/05/2019 02:00

Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML

2 093

291

Saved!

No good deed... - 29/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML

520

108

Henningdale 5

Sunday 24 April 2011 9:17

Looks like u chose the wrong one..

AKALurch 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 9:09

at least u were saved 

zamyr 0

Monday 25 April 2011 4:56

haha thats mean well his feet did hurt lol :)

lexxyolivia 0

Monday 25 April 2011 5:00

ydi for marrying a pussy

shaniecerb 0

Monday 25 April 2011 5:27

it aint like she was dying.and his foot wasnt workin!how could he save her anyway?she can pop her arm back in place so whatev

Fulcherw_fml 0

Monday 25 April 2011 6:26

Should have pressed x first

xgetxbentx 13

Monday 25 April 2011 8:22

maybe this is a dumb question, I've never been kyacking though, but why didn't you just swim out from underneath it?

awesomeloser14 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 7:21

well they are pretty heavy (I flipped over in the kayak once) but yah she could have done that unless the current was too strong

aloha31 6

Monday 25 April 2011 8:34

Your husband sounds like a real ******

13yearoldboy 0

Monday 25 April 2011 10:04

hey ur alive and well at least

jleep 0

Monday 25 April 2011 10:47

u should leave your husband for one of your brother in laws. thatll show him!!

Brennanrulez 0

Monday 25 April 2011 17:29

If the husband didnt help because his feet hurt, they were on land. and if you cant get out fromunder a kayak your the weakest person ever...

iwadasn 32

Friday 28 September 2012 20:33

Right, because everyone knows that sore feet magically stop hurting as soon as you get into a kayak.

MrJentipede 2

Monday 25 April 2011 18:57

You married him, can only blame yourself.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with, "Who the hell are you?" FML

42 775

4 535

Today, during the early hours, I got hungry and went to grab something to eat. I entered the kitchen, only to see my stark-naked dad sitting at the table, eating cereal and reading the paper. He just nodded at me and said, "Son." I think I need a new pair of eyes. FML

26 554

2 566

Today, I spent an hour cleaning my apartment because I thought I had a date coming over. Right as they were supposed to arrive, they canceled because they “got too tired.” Now it’s just me, alone in a spotless apartment, watching a terrible documentary on Netflix. FML

482

105

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

22 524

2 118

Today, a customer attempted to buy 5 mini blenders from our Black Friday sale. Our policy is a max of 2 per customer. When I pointed this out, the customer had a meltdown, spat on me, and stormed off. I have to get up tomorrow at the buttcrack of dawn to deal with shit like this again. FML

1 002

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

442

1 255