Today, I dropped my hair straightener. The good news is I caught it. The bad news is I caught it by the iron itself. FML
Today, I decided to declutter my closet and donate old clothes. Proud of my altruism, I packed everything into bags and drove to the donation center. As I handed over the bags, the volunteer looked at me sympathetically and said, "We're not accepting donations right now." So not only did I just Marie Kondo my wardrobe, I also managed to be a one-person traffic jam for nothing. FML
Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML
Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML
Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML
Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML
Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML
Snapp...that hurts. 27... pull up your pants.
I agree her pants looks like they belong to her little sister