Nearly FMLs

By Pottymouth - 15/07/2016 13:52 - United Kingdom - Bridgwater

Today, I found out what it feels like when you use disinfectant bathroom wipes on your intimate area instead of moist toilet paper wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 21

By Teachersneedhelp - 15/07/2016 13:46 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found out i failed my English class. I failed because i got a 0 in a subject. The teacher gave me a 0 because he lost 'MY' test and wouldn't tell me so i could rewrite it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 14

By blanka - 15/07/2016 13:27

Today, marks the second week I adopted an abandoned kitten. Little Snak got his teeth kicked out so he has trouble breathing and sounds like a small Darth Vader. I feel really bad for being annoyed with him because he can't help it but I haven't slept in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 23

By Ramis182 - 15/07/2016 08:03

Today, my coworker came in eating a whole, skinned watermelon pinned to a stake. I have to work with this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 102

By biochem19 - 15/07/2016 05:35 - United States - New Iberia

Today, while taking a picture of my new cat she gave me a kiss. Excited that she seemed to be warming up to me, I went to scratch her chin. I now have a bloody gash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 68

By vegantreegirl - 15/07/2016 05:32 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I picked up my car from the mechanics for the third time this year. The first time it cost $200, the second was $300 and this time it cost $400. At this rate it may be worth it to buy a whole new car, but I can't afford that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 43

By nonamebranding - 15/07/2016 05:20 - Canada

Today, while playing with my sticky little 3 year old boy, I came away with something sticking to my arm. Now, I'm used to having ice cream, jam, and various other sugary foods stuck to me and my clothes whenever we tussle but this time it was a big green booger stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 49

By Rahrahrahrah more power! - 15/07/2016 04:25 - United States - Florence

Today, my name is Tim with a middle name Allen. I learned my parents named me after Home Improvements Tim the tool man Taylor. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 42

By OutofWork - 15/07/2016 01:12 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, I casually asked my boss about my hours for the next month because I hadn't received them. Turns out, the company is actually getting rid of my job title next week to save money. I don't know when they were planning on telling me, I was the only one in the office that didn't know. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 33

By NoPromotion - 14/07/2016 21:22 - United States - Houston

Today, my supervisor told me he's attempting to transfer to a different facility instead of completing the training he was giving me to be promoted. It probably wouldn't piss me off so bad if this wasn't the fourth supervisor to do this to me in the past three years across five different stores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 14/07/2016 19:30 - United States - Bronx

Today I found out my rotation student has had mono since he started working with me a few weeks ago. I've been having fatigue, headaches, nausea, and vomiting for the past week and couldn't figure out why. I guess now I know. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 31

By Coolguyxx - 14/07/2016 18:16 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my friends and I thought it would be funny to scare my older brother by pretending to break in. He thought it'd be funny to beat the shit out of us because he thought we were burglars. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 363

By Can'tJackOffNow - 14/07/2016 14:57 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, after an intense work out program, I pulled a wrist muscle unscrewing the cap of my water bottle. It's the first day, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 35

By HolyyMolyy - 14/07/2016 11:53

Today, my car got a flat tyre on my way to school near an ice cream parlour. It was raining and hence pretty difficult to change the tyre alone. Just then, I saw my muscular crush stopping his car next to mine, I was happy that he's gonna help but turned out he just bought an ice cream and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 79

By EpicMarkus - 14/07/2016 11:52 - United States - Chicago Ridge

Today, While getting a ride to school by my dad, the radio talk show we were listening to was talking about getting caught watching pornography. This would have been okay if I wasn't caught jerking off the previous day. It was so awkward. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 50

By CatchThemAll - 14/07/2016 11:43 - Belgium - Gent

Today, I contacted my long-distance girlfriend after hardly hearing her for the past week, thinking something was wrong or she was ill because we usually talk daily. She's healthy, but busy trekking about 25KM a day to catch Pokemon after her job, sleeping unusually early because of exhaustion.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 54

By QrowBranwen - 14/07/2016 11:15 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm on a different Pokémon Go team than him.

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 39

By petert71 - 14/07/2016 11:05

Today, I discovered that there was probably something wrong with last nights chicken dinner. I also discovered that farting at work is a bad idea. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 30

By sadworker - 14/07/2016 10:41

Today, I left my job of 2 years, which I absolutely loved. Every time someone leaves who has been there a while, we all sign a card and sometimes chip in for a cake or wine or a gift. I didn't even get a card, but you know who did? The girl who's been there less than 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 30

By rightherewaiting - 14/07/2016 09:52 - United States - Auburndale

Today, I was so lonely that I finally accepted a date offer from a man who has liked me for months. I'm a lesbian. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 49

By Rusty - 14/07/2016 08:53

Today, I was talking to my neighbor which I had a crush on when she decided to kiss me. I thought my dream had come true then she said "That was definitely not worth the 10$ my friend promised me". She then tried to give me a tip on kissing then proceeded to kick me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 27

By potatoesforlife - 14/07/2016 08:42

Today, I found out that a gel that I use on my face frequently isn't supposed to be a gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 27

By Pokemon Trainer - 14/07/2016 08:25 - United States - Piscataway

Today, my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because he found out I had chosen Team Valor instead of Team Mystic in Pokemon GO. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 40

By 2 weeks to get a new one - 14/07/2016 08:24 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was excited to drive my mom to the store after passing my driver's test and finishing my first driving lesson. As soon as she got home, she told me the car was broken into and my permit was stolen. To the jackass who took it, good luck stealing anything from a 15 year old with no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 10

By getbentmrbond - 14/07/2016 08:23 - Finland

Today, I realized that "Sure, we'll talk things through" is actually code word for "I'm going to end the past ten months by ghosting you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 16

By laina103 - 14/07/2016 07:50 - United States

Today, my room mate told me he's madly in love with me. It wouldn't be so bad if the feeling was mutual, or if he didn't tell me on his birthday. We also just renewed our 12 month lease. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 17

By pardi_boi24 - 14/07/2016 07:11 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my learner's permit expired. I let this happen knowing that I'd get my license soon and didn't wanna waste money on a renewal. little did I know you need the permit to take the test. Oh and you can't renew expired permits. So I'm back to square 1. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 14/07/2016 07:05 - United States - Redwood City

Today, after being woken up three times a morning for two weeks by my roommate's panic inducing deaf alarm, mine went off a little loud. So I got treated to my roommate storming up to me, yelling, and messing with my alarm. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 12

By FYouEverything - 14/07/2016 05:30 - United States - Helena

Today, I locked myself out of my car. No big deal, right? Wrong. It's the second time this has happened, in the same parking lot at the same time of day. Also, my lock picking set and spare key are in said car. To top this shitstorm of a cake off, I broke my phone's screen trying to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 25

By MsMicaelaAnn - 14/07/2016 05:27

Today, my new next door neighbors left their dog outside when the left for the night. He hasn't stopped barking and he's got all the neighborhood dogs barking, including mine. No sleeping tonight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 11

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while my husband and I were having sex, we were trying this strawberry flavored lube which had a very strong candy smell. My husband starts laughing mid-performance, looks me in the eye, and exclaims "F*CK THE RAINBOW, TASTE THE RAINBOW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 864

You deserved it 1 310

Today, I pointed out to my manager that I haven’t been paid for my first month's work. They told me my paperwork had been misplaced, so I hadn’t actually been hired yet. So I just worked a full month for free. Oh, and apparently they’re not legally obligated to pay me, so I’m not getting paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 190

Today, I found out my ex bought a digital camera, an iPod, and a large flat-screen TV, all purchased with the alimony I'm paying him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 797

You deserved it 7 785

Today, I woke up with a really annoying bogey blocking my nose. Eventually, I just covered the other nostril and snorted as hard as I could. Good news, it came flying out. Bad news, it landed in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 372

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 956

You deserved it 4 382

Today, I learnt that I could be happy and free from the negative emotions brought on by my ongoing clashes with my fiancée. All it took were some tears in front of my mum for her to assure me that it's okay to be alone and single, and to do whatever is best for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 203