Miscellaneous

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 636

You deserved it 35 849

By smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - 10/11/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 871

You deserved it 4 506

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I tried opening a can for the first time using a manual can opener. I tried for a half hour to open a can of ravioli, mutilating the can in the process. Only after watching five Youtube videos on how to use a manual can opener did I notice the pull-tab on the top of the ravioli can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 860

You deserved it 65 748

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 16:32 - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 468

You deserved it 3 916

By dearprudence89 - 10/11/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 623

You deserved it 3 088

By crazyparents - 10/11/2010 07:12 - Australia

Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 538

You deserved it 3 326

howtragic tells us more.

howtragic 5

Thursday 11 November 2010 23:40

I am 24 years old and have been married for 4 years, own my own home etc. I went to private schools and uni, all the "good family" crap. But in reality, my mother is just off the rails, and my father is just as bad. She's always been like this, and it was ok when it was just me she was trying to hurt me but its gone beyond that now. Calling it quits and keeping well away from her. And she dosn't take sugar.

By dcsunshine - 10/11/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was excited to hear that I received three of my grad school recommendations in the mail from a very busy professor. They need to be submitted sealed, and of course, my nosy mom decided to open them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 711

You deserved it 2 734

Leave me alone

By snitcheyes - 09/11/2010 16:00 - United States

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 980

You deserved it 2 850

By pottyhostage - 08/11/2010 21:26 - Sweden

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 891

You deserved it 45 132

By beforegirl - 08/11/2010 21:11 - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 574

You deserved it 8 984

First and last time

By pixie09 - 08/11/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 467

You deserved it 11 653

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 18:16 - France

Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 814

You deserved it 15 740

By facingit - 08/11/2010 10:32 - Australia

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 823

You deserved it 3 309

By lambxox - 08/11/2010 09:04 - United States

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 362

You deserved it 25 866

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 033

You deserved it 12 053

No time like the present

By jadehin - 08/11/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I had a small gathering of family and friends over to celebrate my son's baptism. One of my friends happens to be a police officer. The entire event consisted of him arresting three of my family members. Don't worry, he came back to get some cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 4 406

By kaitlintaylor - 07/11/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my family went to a football game. It was a little cold, but then it started to rain. I wasn't dressed for rain and I'd left my umbrella in the car. My dad wouldn't let us leave our seats for the whole game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 649

You deserved it 5 250

Finally

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 00:37 - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 4 168

Lost in the sauce

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 23:56 - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 824

You deserved it 2 975

By Username - 06/11/2010 17:58 - France

Today, at my cousin's baby shower, there was a discussion on what to name the baby. When the name Jacqueline was brought up, I made a face and exclaimed, "Ugh, I hate that name!" I was then informed that's the name of my cousin's mother-in-law. She definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 644

You deserved it 27 640

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:36 - United States

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 14 443

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, after getting out of the shower, I was in a good mood. So I decided to run around the house naked, then play air guitar while air drying, just for fun. My blinds were open, and the men in the Fedex truck in my front yard did have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 633

You deserved it 34 584

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 928

You deserved it 13 449

Antisocial personality disorder

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart where all the aisles had been moved. An elderly woman asked me where the pet products were, so I told her that I didn't know, but showed her where they could be. An hour later, she came back with security. She'd told them I'd purposefully gotten her lost. They threw me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 698

You deserved it 3 404

Roasted

By Whitley - 04/11/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 524

You deserved it 4 087

By Anonymous - 03/11/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, after 30 minutes of pre-heating the oven to make a special meatloaf for my husband's birthday, I remembered that I had hidden the cake in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 670

You deserved it 32 089

Better out than in

By flying13 - 03/11/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 537

You deserved it 13 283

By 6boss - 03/11/2010 05:00 - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 048

You deserved it 4 710

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked, and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 485

You deserved it 25 724

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 3 981

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 203

You deserved it 51 076

Today, my mom told me that I needed to manage my spending better. This is the same woman who will log onto Candy Crush Saga, play a level and not come remotely close to beating it, and then blow $20+ on it to complete it. She got just a tad angry when I pointed out this hypocrisy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 108

Today, the coworker I have been hitting it off with rejected me. Apparently she has a crush on another male employee. An employee who is married and somehow has three other girls in our store actually fighting over him (I've heard arguments). She thinks she has a chance? FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 229

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 925

You deserved it 6 018