Miscellaneous

By bellaskyeb - 08/01/2012 17:42 - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 300

You deserved it 4 258

By musicislife1337 - 08/01/2012 07:24 - Canada

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 066

You deserved it 3 108

By scardeycat13 - 08/01/2012 05:38 - United States

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. I was so scared I passed out. I was only on the kiddy hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 265

You deserved it 10 755

By Jman6295 - 08/01/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 026

You deserved it 15 242

By elijahrobrt - 07/01/2012 06:48 - United States

Today, I went to a great concert. Against all odds, I got to meet the band. All I had for them to autograph was a flyer protesting their concert that was given to me on the way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 379

You deserved it 5 723

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 22:13 - Denmark

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 662

You deserved it 5 289

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 20:36 - Mexico

Today, my blanket got caught on my nose ring and it took my boyfriend over an hour to get it free. Afterwards, he admitted he was trying not to laugh because it reminded him of a bullfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 576

You deserved it 30 941

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 15:50 - United States

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 552

You deserved it 9 425

By Anna - 06/01/2012 11:25 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 300

You deserved it 3 387

By neveragain89 - 06/01/2012 00:37 - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 808

You deserved it 5 335

By silvernights21 - 05/01/2012 23:40 - United States

Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun to cheer me on. I felt happy since I don't have many friends. Only when I got closer did I realize that they were cheering for the girl behind me, and in fact, not one person was cheering for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 839

You deserved it 2 976

By awesome - 05/01/2012 17:13 - United States

Today, my Christmas tree was finally shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 4 618

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 928

You deserved it 35 976

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, I'm so insecure that I was still slightly flattered when the demented old man at the nursing home where I work hit on me, because at least somebody finds me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 156

You deserved it 3 565

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 208

You deserved it 4 592

By jada - 04/01/2012 23:29 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend over and over again and he never answered. His mom just called me and asked how I was holding up. I asked her what she meant and she had to tell me he checked himself into rehab because he was addicted to heroin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 378

You deserved it 3 770

By Angela - 04/01/2012 19:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 564

You deserved it 5 593

By mazzer - 04/01/2012 02:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 062

You deserved it 2 271

By max - 03/01/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I went jogging with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure my moobs bounced more than her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 096

You deserved it 30 417

By cheese123 - 03/01/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 294

You deserved it 3 219

By Anon O'Mous - 02/01/2012 15:38 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 601

You deserved it 5 701

By jku - 02/01/2012 13:18 - United States

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 800

You deserved it 3 226

jku tells us more.

jku 14

Wednesday 4 January 2012 7:40

Yes. Yes he did. Maybe more ninja-samurai-hybrid style.

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 604

You deserved it 8 727

By Leigha - 02/01/2012 02:14 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, I found out that if you see a tray with some black stuff in it and you can't decide whether it's powdered black pepper or cigarette ashes, it's not a good idea to taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 207

You deserved it 50 197

By Anonymous - 01/01/2012 20:06 - United States

Today, I received a late Christmas present from my estranged father. I was really excited, having neither seen nor heard from him in nearly two years. It was a $200 gift card for a store that only exists in Canada. I don't live in Canada. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 740

You deserved it 4 003

By msnewyearseve - 01/01/2012 17:19 - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 876

You deserved it 33 160

By Grandson - 01/01/2012 13:51 - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 898

You deserved it 2 751

By tooearly - 01/01/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 024

You deserved it 3 376

Creeped out

By Anonymous - 01/01/2012 07:34 - United States

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked, "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied, "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 203

You deserved it 3 871

By Scarred4Life - 01/01/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 784

You deserved it 3 523

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, as I squatted down to get a snack, my pajama pants ripped wide open. I guess the universe is try to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 450

You deserved it 1 858

Today, I was going to my first job interview since I was laid off. About 10 yards from the door, I felt a sharp pain in my side and something in my pocket. It turned out to be a knife in my side, and a mugger robbing me because I looked rich. I haven't had any money in months, and missed the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 971

You deserved it 2 894

Today, I was using the elliptical when I got a bad wedgie. All the ellipticals are up against a wall so after trying to pick it, I finally decided to just pull down the back of my pants and underwear. I then remembered there was a window to a yoga class behind me. I mooned them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 424

You deserved it 57 516

Today, five hours into my shift, I found out that I had been given the day off. They just forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 120

You deserved it 345

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 244

You deserved it 1 305

Today, my new neighbor broke into our new house because his key didn't work. We just closed on the house this week and changed the locks when footprints were found in the bathtub after the cleaning crew went through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 664

You deserved it 217