Love

By Username - 23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

agreeclassic 31 001

vote type 1 4 809

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend said that we can "maybe have sleepovers" at his house when he FINALLY moves out. He's 24, and we've been dating for 6 years. FML

agreeclassic 28 469

vote type 1 8 101

By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

agreeclassic 11 632

vote type 1 45 541

By lisa - 22/12/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML

agreeclassic 12 458

vote type 1 51 786

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 08:01 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

agreeclassic 23 324

vote type 1 6 495

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 17:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was, "Clean your glasses." FML

agreeclassic 32 655

vote type 1 4 246

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

agreeclassic 27 187

vote type 1 6 885

By pinkfloyd777 - 20/12/2010 16:15

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

agreeclassic 44 569

vote type 1 3 858

By Me - 20/12/2010 06:22

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

agreeclassic 28 952

vote type 1 5 737

By hugme101 - 20/12/2010 00:20 - Canada

Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML

agreeclassic 31 119

vote type 1 9 717

By married and hates - 19/12/2010 18:51 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

agreeclassic 38 407

vote type 1 5 646

Love is love, dude

By lonelyengineer - 19/12/2010 10:28 - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

agreeclassic 16 038

vote type 1 32 215

By lovecrisis247 - 19/12/2010 07:46 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

agreeclassic 17 131

vote type 1 25 516

Check this out

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

agreeclassic 30 880

vote type 1 4 548

By fouryearswasted - 19/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML

agreeclassic 46 946

vote type 1 3 907

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

agreeclassic 32 171

vote type 1 4 746

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML

agreeclassic 38 143

vote type 1 4 802

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

agreeclassic 29 221

vote type 1 3 577

By asdfghjkl - 18/12/2010 19:14 - United States

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

agreeclassic 35 338

vote type 1 3 937

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

agreeclassic 57 821

vote type 1 4 881

By unattractive - 18/12/2010 09:32 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

agreeclassic 32 555

vote type 1 6 367

By anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

agreeclassic 39 443

vote type 1 4 480

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 03:07 - United States

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

agreeclassic 40 978

vote type 1 3 205

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

agreeclassic 28 144

vote type 1 3 859

By LD619 - 16/12/2010 05:51 - United States

Today, I gave my ex-girlfriend two concert tickets to show her I still care about her and want to win her back. She sold them. FML

agreeclassic 14 598

vote type 1 44 643

By A. nonymous - 14/12/2010 13:32

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

agreeclassic 39 998

vote type 1 3 031

Pros and cons

By blahblah - 14/12/2010 02:01 - Canada

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

agreeclassic 16 504

vote type 1 53 459

Romantic

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

agreeclassic 32 855

vote type 1 3 173

Catfished

By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

agreeclassic 45 727

vote type 1 10 463

By fordn4h - 13/12/2010 05:32 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

agreeclassic 37 531

vote type 1 5 189

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my girlfriend asked me to marry her, and I said yes. My parents were thrilled, but my brother is so immature, he couldn’t stop laughing that of two lesbians I’m the “girl” and my girlfriend is the “guy.” I swear I’m going to ban him from the wedding in case he tries to make a speech. FML

agreeclassic 1 033

vote type 1 271

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

agreeclassic 567

vote type 1 50

Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML

agreeclassic 36 686

vote type 1 2 920

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

agreeclassic 41 860

vote type 1 3 163

Today, I couldn't prove my son has had chickenpox, so his school gave us the option of getting a potentially dangerous shot he didn't need, pay for an expensive blood test to show that he previously had the virus, or sign a waiver stating I'm a religious nut refusing medical treatment. FML

agreeclassic 33 026

vote type 1 7 945

Today, it was graduation day, and the very first time I was hosting an event. When I got on stage, I stared at the audience for a good 5 seconds, then fainted. FML

agreeclassic 50 661

vote type 1 6 173