Love

Enough is enough

By agony - 17/12/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML

agreeclassic 37 071

vote type 1 5 895

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 20:11 - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

agreeclassic 32 662

vote type 1 13 811

By NinjaWafflesx - 15/12/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML

agreeclassic 40 766

vote type 1 3 962

By scribbles1475 - 15/12/2011 05:00 - United States

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

agreeclassic 23 838

vote type 1 10 899

By dumped - 14/12/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? His best mate got dumped yesterday and my boyfriend thought it would be 'more fun' to be 'single lads together'. FML

agreeclassic 34 421

vote type 1 3 200

Harsh

By anonymous - 14/12/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text that said, "I can't be seen with you anymore. You're too fat." FML

agreeclassic 38 541

vote type 1 12 239

By newlysingle - 14/12/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

agreeclassic 57 844

vote type 1 3 636

By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

agreeclassic 32 414

vote type 1 3 963

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

agreeclassic 30 575

vote type 1 17 516

By Embarrassed - 12/12/2011 13:45 - Germany

Today, while having dinner with my boyfriend's family, his mom told me that it looks like I've gained quite some weight. When my boyfriend told her that this was a rude thing to say, she said it wasn't rude, just the truth. FML

agreeclassic 34 230

vote type 1 6 302

By smurfisurfer1 - 12/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

agreeclassic 34 895

vote type 1 4 937

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, my mother refused to agree with any of my logic because it's "not in The Bible." She can't find any fault with it, just refuses to agree with it. FML

agreeclassic 29 795

vote type 1 3 886

By PunkChik27 - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

agreeclassic 35 147

vote type 1 4 472

By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:33 - United States

Today, my wife and I had a huge fight. I was getting ready to go to sleep on the couch when she came downstairs and grabbed a very large metal spoon. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 26 981

vote type 1 4 250

That's not what I said…?

By wow - 12/12/2011 01:37 - United States

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

agreeclassic 35 325

vote type 1 4 548

By anonymous - 12/12/2011 00:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

agreeclassic 30 227

vote type 1 2 696

By DJ - 11/12/2011 01:01 - United States

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

agreeclassic 32 234

vote type 1 2 865

By Vince - 09/12/2011 19:38 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

agreeclassic 37 082

vote type 1 3 243

By LinaLinaYeah - 09/12/2011 16:26 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

agreeclassic 11 878

vote type 1 28 521

You tried

By Anonymous - 09/12/2011 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

agreeclassic 37 350

vote type 1 3 268

By thatisnotcool45 - 09/12/2011 05:22 - Canada

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

agreeclassic 31 142

vote type 1 2 729

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

agreeclassic 30 666

vote type 1 8 350

By disappoint - 08/12/2011 09:14 - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML

agreeclassic 32 108

vote type 1 3 784

By sparklethelette - 07/12/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

agreeclassic 28 063

vote type 1 3 504

By grannygirlfriend - 06/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

agreeclassic 36 380

vote type 1 5 102

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 02:31 - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

agreeclassic 17 700

vote type 1 46 164

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

agreeclassic 30 064

vote type 1 3 392

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

agreeclassic 50 175

vote type 1 3 450

By Mary - 04/12/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML

agreeclassic 50 069

vote type 1 4 111

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Keywords

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Today, I was taking my 3 month-old nephew for a walk in his stroller, when a lady stopped me to coo over him. Then she patted my stomach and said, "Don't worry, you'll lose the baby weight soon." I've never had a baby. FML

agreeclassic 5 018

vote type 1 705

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and politely asked if I could keep my “crying baby” quiet at night. I live alone. I don’t even have a baby. I have a cat. A very dramatic, needy, attention-hungry cat who yelps when I close any door or leave her eyesight. FML

agreeclassic 332

vote type 1 140

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

agreeclassic 24 858

vote type 1 2 662

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included, "I want to go to the car" followed by, "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

agreeclassic 35 862

vote type 1 3 393

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

agreeclassic 41 373

vote type 1 3 534

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

agreeclassic 25 676

vote type 1 3 454