Kids

omg,everybody needs to calm down. im not fat. and im not looking for sympathy. i just thought it was funny that the kid said that. i dont think that "my life is over", i thought it was hilarious and laughed forever and told pretty much anyone who wanted to listen. i probably have higher self esteem that most of you on this site anyways. go find something better to do with your life than waste it on the computer ranting about stupid things. k thanks bye

By anonymous - 12/08/2009 16:14 - Canada

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 227

You deserved it 53 495

By dkajxu - 12/08/2009 12:57 - Singapore

Today, while studying in the middle of the night, my dad came home drunk. I helped him to the sofa and after clearing up his mess, he started going on about how useless my sister Vanessa was, and how good a daughter I am. I am Vanessa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 280

You deserved it 3 145

By SomeDJ - 12/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 111

You deserved it 46 913

By ahhahaha - 12/08/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 52

ahhahaha tells us more.

ahhahaha 0

Wednesday 12 August 2009 17:25

Okay this is my FML and to address everyones comments- yes the name candyman was thaught of and is used. And I can't believe only one person figured out that it's simply a midlife crisis issue. And yeah, I put it under kids for a reason. It is FML because I can't use it against him cuz he's too much of an ass. And for another reason that will be posted as another FML. Thank you and goodnight

By ahhahaha - 12/08/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year-old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 991

You deserved it 4 702

Tonight, on Weird Parents…

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying, "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 881

You deserved it 7 348

You swam into that one

By ugh.. - 09/08/2009 15:27 - United States

Today, while working at my lifeguard job, I noticed a girl bouncing on one foot over to the pool. Afraid she would trip, I whistled at her and yelled, "NO running or messing around on the pool deck!" She removed her towel, revealing her legs. Or leg, she only had one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 512

You deserved it 21 443

By mochiko - 09/08/2009 07:28 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 488

You deserved it 56 352

By embarassed - 08/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 113

You deserved it 73 098

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 787

You deserved it 91 842

By anonymous - 03/08/2009 07:37 - Taiwan

Today, my cousins and I were bored so we began talking about weird dreams we've had. My little cousin turns to me and says "I had a dream you were in a beauty contest. You lost badly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 477

You deserved it 5 048

Thanks kids

By BadMurderer - 31/07/2009 04:01 - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year-old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied, "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 094

You deserved it 3 872

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 465

You deserved it 4 496

By Herdad - 30/07/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 072

You deserved it 3 700

Plans shelved

By Anonymous - 29/07/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 352

You deserved it 4 263

By bsaucedo - 28/07/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 939

You deserved it 9 920

bsaucedo tells us more.

bsaucedo 0

Wednesday 29 July 2009 9:19

who says my tank top was low cut and my cleavage was showing ? my shirt doesnt need to be low cut for a bee to fly in. so you deserve to be run over :)