Kids

By itsjustmyluck - 09/11/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I was in line at the store behind a lady and her young daughter. Trying to be polite I smiled at the little girl. She burst into tears asking her mommy 'what is wrong with that ladies teeth'. Apparently braces on a 25 year old is not 'kid friendly'. FML

agreeclassic 31 340

vote type 1 3 295

By Dan - 09/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I got a call from my ex asking if I could fix her computer. I brought my 7 year old son with me. On the way I told him, how I hated her, but I can't be rude. Once we get there, I say to her "it's nice to see you." My son says "but I thought you said you want her to fall off a bridge?" FML

agreeclassic 10 809

vote type 1 49 264

Crooked

By Anonymous - 08/11/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I taught my younger cousins a more effective way to brush their teeth. Tonight when I was getting them ready for bed, I asked them why they weren't brushing their teeth like I taught them to. The littlest one replied, "Daddy said if we do then we'll have ugly teeth like yours." FML

agreeclassic 28 514

vote type 1 7 162

Boozed up

By AuntSucka - 08/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I let my nephew and his friend spend the night to watch movies. After I fell asleep, they stole my liquor and went roaming. When they saw the cop car in front of my house and realized they were busted, they went up to the cop and told them I gave them the alcohol to avoid being grounded. FML

agreeclassic 33 631

vote type 1 3 700

By raebay - 05/11/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, after I bathed my nine month old, I laid her on my bed to grab a diaper. I turned around to see that she'd peed on my comforter. I then put her in her playpen to put my cover in the wash. I came back into the room to get her, and saw she'd taken off her diaper. She'd crapped in her playpen. FML

agreeclassic 33 932

vote type 1 8 372

By Chubby - 02/11/2009 20:39 - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

agreeclassic 39 582

vote type 1 5 544

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter is dating my boss's daughter. I found this out because my extremely homophobic boss told me and wants me to 'heal' them or get fired. I didn't even know my daughter was gay. FML

agreeclassic 31 240

vote type 1 3 381

By Mike - 31/10/2009 04:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

agreeclassic 36 898

vote type 1 6 763

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my son couldn't find all the parts to his Cub Scout uniform. I had a serious talk with him about being prepared, and how he would need to live with the consequences of not having the right outfit on. When we arrived at the meeting, everyone was in costumes because it's Halloween. I forgot. FML

agreeclassic 7 766

vote type 1 44 141

Stuck

By Chub - 27/10/2009 04:45 - United States

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

agreeclassic 26 194

vote type 1 8 692

By laxie - 27/10/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

agreeclassic 38 228

vote type 1 3 914

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

agreeclassic 23 150

vote type 1 48 341

By oh dear - 25/10/2009 09:06 - France

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

agreeclassic 44 338

vote type 1 5 180

By Granny - 24/10/2009 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

agreeclassic 34 976

vote type 1 3 486

Incoming!

By mvgirl - 22/10/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, while sitting with my son, an ice cream cone landed on my head from out of nowhere. I look up to see three children on the balcony above us yelling, "Look! We hit the fat lady!" They ran away laughing. FML

agreeclassic 39 095

vote type 1 5 602

Pissed

By holy - 21/10/2009 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

agreeclassic 16 084

vote type 1 33 457

By Jessica - 21/10/2009 18:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

agreeclassic 67 407

vote type 1 3 471

By Raiders4ever - 21/10/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

agreeclassic 43 395

vote type 1 24 986

By NikkiiFireStarter - 20/10/2009 10:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my 10 year-old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including a £600 guitar. FML

agreeclassic 42 127

vote type 1 2 938

By MGZ - 19/10/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

agreeclassic 45 409

vote type 1 8 589

Good one, mom

By hairdresser - 18/10/2009 15:27 - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year-old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She'd just given my sister a haircut. FML

agreeclassic 50 078

vote type 1 5 224

By Anonwymous - 18/10/2009 10:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

agreeclassic 35 975

vote type 1 5 532

Priorities

By karina17 - 18/10/2009 05:03 - Canada

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late. He said, "Oh, something came up." I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

agreeclassic 34 408

vote type 1 2 334

By hamster cookie - 17/10/2009 21:08 - France

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

agreeclassic 48 323

vote type 1 5 097

By hatelittleboys - 15/10/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

agreeclassic 8 982

vote type 1 64 399

By Jer - 11/10/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

agreeclassic 38 449

vote type 1 8 965

By stupidsantaclaus - 08/10/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

agreeclassic 15 892

vote type 1 41 948

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

agreeclassic 32 245

vote type 1 7 980

Stop lying

By dinosaurman - 07/10/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that my sister, who is 16 years older than me, is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

agreeclassic 192 666

vote type 1 10 025

By vbscb - 07/10/2009 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

agreeclassic 14 019

vote type 1 39 626

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Today, I called my husband when his shift at work ended to talk about what we needed to do this weekend. He got angry and asked if he could have "five goddamn minutes" after work to get home and change before I started "throwing the fucking to do list at me." FML

agreeclassic 141

vote type 1 1 541

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

agreeclassic 29 896

vote type 1 5 684

Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. Twenty minutes before I was able to clock out, some kid puked all over herself in the playground. FML

agreeclassic 2 006

vote type 1 177

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

agreeclassic 901

vote type 1 110

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

agreeclassic 29 219

vote type 1 4 382

Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML

agreeclassic 1 025

vote type 1 143