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Well to be honest I made the whole thing up because I got tired of being that one guy at work who can't get a girlfriend. It's a small place, there are only 8 of us who work there, and I'm the only one that's single, so I get jokes about it quite a lot. They're nothing bad, I know it's all in fun, but yesterday someone made yet another joke about it and for some reason I just blurted out that I had a date tonight. As soon as I did I figured might as well go with the story, so when I got questioned about it I made up a fake name and description for the girl as well. The best part is that I told everyone I was taking her to this really fancy and expensive restaurant, so when they saw me at McDonalds it was ironic actually. Luckily for me today is a holiday, but I have a feeling tomorrow the mocking is going to be worse than ever. I voted YDI by the way.

Pleased to meet you

By Eww - 05/10/2014 17:48 - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

agreeclassic 44 066

vote type 1 3 147

By exchange - 17/12/2009 05:00 - Ireland

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

agreeclassic 44 065

vote type 1 3 057

By Anthony - 16/08/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend due to the fact that she's been cheating on me with my best friend for the past year. She said I was overreacting, and to grow a pair. FML

agreeclassic 44 065

vote type 1 3 880

Oh, the irony

By HassledAirfarer - 07/12/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an "inconsiderate, selfish bitch." FML

agreeclassic 44 061

vote type 1 2 449

Quick quick

By NoorFML - 13/09/2013 13:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

agreeclassic 44 057

vote type 1 7 540

By mugged - 15/12/2010 11:58 - Germany

Today, I went to the Salvation Army to donate some clothes. As I was handing over the 4 huge bags that I had carried for 10 blocks, while 6 months pregnant, somebody stole my purse. FML

agreeclassic 44 057

vote type 1 3 750

Jammed

By stinky car - 16/08/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

agreeclassic 44 056

vote type 1 10 460

By Python22 - 05/09/2013 00:52 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I realized that I have a rack and butt most girls would be jealous of. That wouldn't be bad if I wasn't a dude. FML

agreeclassic 44 052

vote type 1 8 314

Python22 app_comment_confession_title

Python22 12

Thursday 5 September 2013 21:20

OP here, for update 1 of a few. Basically, like #52 said, I believe that is the case. It's not so bad I can't go out in public (and for fat people they aren't big at all), but if they were on a average chicks body, they would be massive. As for my trunk, yeah.... I'm 5'-10, so it evens out.

By caaarl - 19/04/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

agreeclassic 44 052

vote type 1 6 546

Misconstrued

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

agreeclassic 44 052

vote type 1 3 210

By ac13 - 27/06/2010 18:03 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML

agreeclassic 44 051

vote type 1 3 802

By stop thief - 26/06/2014 15:11 - United States - Aurora

Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

agreeclassic 44 048

vote type 1 6 098

Adding insult to injury

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. While he was dumping me, he was holding hands with his new girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 44 045

vote type 1 3 144

By HauntedTwilight - 15/08/2014 01:09 - Canada - Mount Uniacke

Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML

agreeclassic 44 044

vote type 1 6 034

HauntedTwilight app_comment_confession_title

HauntedTwilight 20

Friday 15 August 2014 18:13

Hey, OP here :) I've never experienced any side effects from medication (until now), and when the doctor and I went over the side effects together he kind of chuckled when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur". The medication is cymbalta (anti-depressant) so I took it as a joke that an anti-depressant could cause such a side effect, and when he chuckled I really thought he was kidding. I was clearly wrong, haha. Luckily, I was able to bolt home before anything extremely bad happened. My dog enjoyed the quick run a lot more than I did. Still easily one of the most embarrassing days of my life! I've earned the nickname "Shitty pants" from my 61 year old father who is never going to let me forget this. Shitty situation all around! :P

By anonymous - 30/07/2014 02:36 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

agreeclassic 44 041

vote type 1 7 481