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The all-time greatest FMLs

I'm the main character!

By Singer - 08/01/2023 03:00

Today, I found out why my friends don’t invite me to Karaoke Thursday Nights anymore. Apparently, I act like a “show off” and “presumptuous” and make the others feel bad. It’s not my fault I have a decent singing voice. I guess they don’t like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 628

MacArthur Park

By Melody - 08/02/2024 06:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, as I was leaving church with a cake in my hands (mind you it was pouring, and I was in heels) I decided to walk on the road instead of the sidewalk so I could get to my car as quick as possible. Turns out, the road is slippery, and slipping means falling. With the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 345

Ego boost

By Anonymous - 30/01/2026 12:00

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I took my girlfriend to meet my friends, and they made her play a drinking game. A question she had to answer was about me and how she liked my hygiene, because her ex had terrible hygiene and never wiped his ass. Today she dumped me for him, so now to my friends I'm the guy who is lower than the skidmarks guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 77

The babysitter's handbook

By ACHOOOOOOO - 14/09/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 184

Tapped out

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fitted a new shower hose and head, and it went perfectly, until it sprang a leak in the middle of the night, which completely missed the bath and went right onto the floor. We were asleep, so it went for hours, half the house is now soaking wet, and will need redecorating and new carpets FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 101

Fitting in

By Keerah - 11/08/2025 04:00 - Russia - Krasnodar

Today, feeling a little bit chatty, I found this "most tolerant and supportive forum specifically for autistic people." I was never rude or sassy or anything, but got booed outta there for being "weird." Really? Too autistic for their liking? Never again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 114

Frustrated

By Anonymous - 03/04/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I realised it’s been too long since my partner and I have had sex. How do I know? This is the third night in a row he’s humped me in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 1 087

Bad idea

By Anonymous - 28/02/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I brought my mom to my work’s annual party. She insisted on meeting my boss and introduced herself as my "very supportive, overly involved mother." To make it worse, she gave him a lecture about how I was “just too shy” to ask for a raise. My boss is now both confused and terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 242

**** Spotify

By WTF? - 08/07/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, while I was on Spotify with smart shuffle enabled, it started playing a really stupid, but funny song I'd never heard in my life. I then looked at the cover and realized the song playing was AI-generated. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 129

Don't let me be misunderstood

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 03:00

Today, I was driving when this guy aggressively rode my tail and crossed over the yellow line to pass. He reached the stop light before I did, and I slowly pulled beside him and started clapping for this lunatic driver. He rolled down the window and said, "My daughter is in the hospital. How do I get there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 1 104

Oh hi!

By Anonymous - 03/04/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I was at a theme park with an old friend. We were standing in line when she reached into my shorts and pulled my thong so high it was almost to my shoulders. It would’ve been fine if I didn’t see my boss behind us in line who saw the whole thing. She waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 122

Disappointing

By Muon66 - 11/06/2021 03:59

Today, I showed my 5-year-old son a photo with a ginger cat and her 6 newborn kittens. I forgot to tell my son the cat mom is not the male ginger cat at home, despite them looking exactly same. His excitement became deep sorrow and a tantrum when he figured out that we didn't get half a dozen kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 632

Scary!

By Heather - 03/02/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 82

My brain hates me

By This is a nightmare - 17/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my anxiety decided to play a new trick: When I'm trying to go to sleep, I get anxious about having nightmares. It sure does wonders for my insomnia, which I've otherwise completely controlled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 101

Not the time to get distracted

By Lost Reggie - 28/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Vilonia

Today, after a tearful weekend of burying my best friend, I stopped for gas on my way home. I got distracted by a guy next to me who was acting strange. I unknowingly filled my car with Diesel. It cost over $1000 to tow home, and I can't even get it looked at until Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 298

Never engage with the enemy

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Henderson

Today, I was at a grocery store when I saw a kid waving enthusiastically at me. Thinking he was adorable, I waved back with a big smile. The kid looked horrified and ran to his mom, screaming, "Stranger danger!" Everyone in the store aisle turned to stare at me like I was some sort of creep. FM

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 111

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 174

Same

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 12:00

Today, I hate my life. I'm too smart, too dumb. I'm 5 year single after a horrific marriage and I can't seem to make any ground since. No one likes me. I can't find a job. I wish I would have died in the numerous car wrecks I've been in. This life has been too hard and I fucking hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 130

HELP!

By David - 18/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom at a concert when I realized I was locked in. The door was jammed, and there was no way out. I knocked, I tried to force it, I even climbed through the air vent to escape, only to end up covered in dust and toilet paper. Meanwhile, people outside could hear me yelling “HELP!” for a solid 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 93

Sixth sense

By What does she know? - 27/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I've known for a while that my cat can sense when I'm not feeling good, as she gets more clingy than usual. I've been a bit under the weather as of late, not really sick, but just a little off, and she keeps meowing nonstop and refuses to leave me alone for any reason whatsoever. I'm honestly very concerned now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 122

How romantic!

By Anonymous - 15/02/2026 09:00

Today, it’s Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend promised me that instead of a packed chain restaurant we would have “dinner under the stars.” We ended up having Slurpees and Slim Jims in the 7-Eleven parking lot. He called me ungrateful for not appreciating his “romantic gesture.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 157

Beaming with pride

By Anonymous - 01/02/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband came running with his phone to “show me what our son did.” Was it a funny dance video? No. Was it a neat drawing? No. It was a turd. A foot long turd curled up in the toilet bowl. And it came out of our 5 year-old. He’s his daddy’s boy all right. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 119

Fragile

By John Doe - 04/03/2024 13:00 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I was standing in a bus, hanging on to a pole. At a roundabout, I turned with the bus… and blocked my spine. I'm 22 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 112

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 102

Broken

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 18:00

Today, I found myself in the unenviable position of buying tampons, chocolate, ice cream, and condoms for a woman I’m in love with, but am not dating. She asked me to get them since I was going to the shops anyway. I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 1 433

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 13:59

Today, I was getting ready for work and I sprayed my hair to stay in place, then went to spray deodorant under my arm, but noticed that it was super sticky. No wonder my hair spray smelled like baby powder, I'd confused one product with another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 694

Public freakout

By Rem - 26/10/2025 15:00

Today, I had to bail my husband out from jail for almost killing someone. What happened? He and my sister-in-law were in an grocery store when she spotted his old high school nemesis, who back then was the biggest bully in school. She thought that it would be "exciting" to see what would happen if their paths crossed again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 74

Ungrateful, dude!

By Anonymous - 24/05/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to surprise me by bringing homemade dinner over. I've been living off of ham sandwiches for over a week because I've been too busy and tired from work to cook. Of all the things she could have made, what did she make? Ham sandwiches. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 246

Got milk?

By IHaveNoIdea - 10/06/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, a customer asked if our milkshake flavourings contained dairy. I had no idea, and it seems the manufacturer assumes milkshakes will contain milk, so didn't state on any of the bottles that they were dairy-free. I had to google every obscure number in the ingredient list to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 137

Dream baby dream

By CJ. - 05/05/2021 14:01 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I had to babysit a 9 year-old girl. I hadn't slept for almost 40 hours and fell half-asleep while sitting on her couch for two minutes. She asked me something, but I thought it was a dream and answered with, "Your mom's a hoe." When I woke up, I realized I'd said it out loud instead of in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 1 390

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The Top

Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 280

You deserved it 5 232

Today, my mom revoked my shower privileges for a week, all because I'm “using too much water.” I'm the kind of person who will smell like garbage after one skipped shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 125

Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 136

Today, I found out that my 9 year-old cousin logged into my main chess account and lost 1700 points on purpose down from 2300. Which took 8 years of grinding and several national championships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 215

Today, I overheard my grandad complaining that without the winter heating allowance, it’s going to be too cold for him and grandma to get naked for sex, unless they just expose the necessary bits to each other for a few minutes. Props they still get it on in their 70s but still, ew grandad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 154

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 1 195