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The all-time greatest FMLs

Controlling douchebag #688484

By Natalia - 10/07/2023 03:00

Today, I took off my pretty lingerie and hid it in a pair of trousers that were already in the laundry. Sometimes, I wash it in the sink and dry it with my hair dryer before my husband gets home. Yes, he routinely checks for "proof" that I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 574

Sir, this IS the internet

By greg - 03/04/2024 13:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I’m 24 and apparently going back to school and working a minimum wage job is still considered less than the bare minimum. It sounds like something off the internet. However, people’s actions speak even louder than their words. Sorry I wasn’t given everything or blessed with good looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 153

Shock and awe

By Embarassed Girl - 14/07/2022 02:00

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, hanging out with him and his mom. I had to do a number two. A while later, we hear his mom in the washroom. She had turned on the bathtub and was flushing the toilet. A lot. Later on, my boyfriend leaves the room and she says, “Did you make that mess in the toilet?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 832

Gimme a crumb

By Anonymous - 07/06/2025 14:00 - United States - Manlius

Today, my dad informed me that my mother's 100k life insurance policy was being processed perfectly, for him. I rent a falling apart mobile home and work 3 jobs to get by. He owns outright and already gets all her pension benefits, etc. I am receiving nothing as inheritance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 12:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 45

Tell us more

By Anonymous - 01/04/2024 08:00

Today, my wife is very insistent that we try to get our boys more involved in her religion, starting with church tomorrow morning. She foolishly trusts our boys to behave. They really don’t want to go and I’m convinced they’re plotting something bad, like real bad, the devious little hooligans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 270

My skincare routine

By Fuck anxiety - 19/05/2024 02:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I noticed a random dark spot on my skin around my groin area. Fearing that it was possibly melanoma, even though I don't really go outside a lot, I made a mad dash to the doctor. Apparently it's just a fucked-up stretch mark, and is perfectly normal. Nice thing to have a panic attack over. Good job, brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 142

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 261

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 3 273

Where's my shiny thing?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 10:00 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, it's been week since I won a Hackathon at work, while working from home, yay! Winners get trophies, which is cool. I asked my coworker who won if he got a trophy and another coworker decided to chime in with, "Only winners get the trophies." I won, but I just didn't get a trophy. "Oh, guess they ran out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 108

What could go wrong?

By Rebecca - 03/10/2020 23:07

Today, I slipped into an ATM vestibule quickly without a mask. The place smelled like the antiseptic at a doctor's office, so I figured, "What could go wrong?" Not more than 6 hours later, I found out that I’m sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 930

Ewww, gross

By Raisin Brain - 22/01/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I was happily messing around with my girlfriend's toddler niece. I suddenly sneezed, coughing out a tonsil stone as big as a raisin. Before I could even react, she horrifyingly said, "Oh no! Your brains came out!" My girlfriend started to laugh, saying, "That's just about right!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 140

What happened? Where are we?

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 06:00 - Italy

Today, I'm aware that being tied up by your rugby friends is something that happens after a night of drinking. Still being tied the following morning is less fun, especially when you’re outside a local school on a Monday morning, wearing nothing but a feather boa around your waist, and zip ties on your arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 204

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 05:02

Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 101

Mr Hyde comes out at night

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 161

Daddy!

By Andy - 10/07/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, I went to pick up my niece from daycare. As I walked past the gates, a little kid yelled, “Daddy’s here!” and ran to hug me. His actual dad was right behind me, clearly very confused, while the daycare workers glared at me like they were about to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 76

Hippies for life

By Anonymous - 10/04/2022 12:00

Today, rather than age gracefully my parents have decided they’re going to be the witch and wizard of our neighbourhood, meaning they grow herbs, redecorated the house atrociously, swapped their clothes for dresses and robes, and smoke questionable tobacco in wooden pipes. God they’re so embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 047

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 199

Warehouse blues

By Anonymous - 12/09/2025 22:00

Today, I got up early to wait for my new sofa to be delivered. I spent yesterday taking apart and getting rid of my old crappy sofa. At midday, the furniture shop said they'd cancelled my order due to not having enough of that model in stock. Even if I re-order a sofa now, it's 2 weeks until they can deliver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 81

Beliefs

By OnTheReceivingEnd - 13/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of disagreeing with a friend I'd known and cared about for 25 years. The disagreement? She wanted me to believe the exact same way she did. I treated her with dignity and respect for her beliefs, even though I didn't agree with them, but I didn't make that a requirement. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 109

Collector's delight

By what is wrong with people - 18/09/2025 09:00

Today, my boyfriend said he had a "long nose hair" collection. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. He then showed me a tin of long-ass hairs. I gagged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 115

Flustered

By Anonymous - 14/02/2025 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to a coffee shop to meet a potential client. As soon as I sat down, I knocked my coffee over, and it splashed all over my lap. I tried to play it off by making a joke, but I hadn’t brought a spare pair of pants, and the client turned up just as I was mopping my crotch with paper towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 138

Grudge

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 10:00

Today, my grandmother informed me that I was rude to her at my wedding two months ago, all because she couldn’t sit at the bridal table, even though she "paid for the wedding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 876

Spiteful

By Anonymous - 04/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I sent my mom a text to tell her about my promotion at work. She responded with, "Who is this?" It turns out that she deleted my number, because I "never call." FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 180

By boudinette - 15/04/2015 10:14 - France - Saint-martin-d'heres

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 233

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 29/03/2025 11:00 - Canada - Eastern Passage

Today, while trying to pick up dog poo, I tripped and landed in the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 115

Be warned

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I have to admit that while I do love my children I absolutely fucking hate being a mom. I hate that I’ve completely lost my identity to motherhood. I don’t even feel like a person anymore. Just an invisible servant and nothing more. I didn’t know it would be like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 216

Flustered

By Anonymous - 21/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I went grocery shopping with my toddler. At the checkout, I realized that I forgot my wallet at home. As I frantically searched my purse, my toddler shouted, "Mommy, do we need this?" and held up a box of condoms she'd grabbed from a nearby shelf. Everyone stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 127

Gun control

By Emily - 28/12/2020 17:01

Today, only a few hours after getting certified and buying my first pistol, I dropped it and blew off two of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 2 306

Overly enthusiastic

By Dan the man - 08/10/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I excitedly got ready for my first day at my new job. I arrived on time, dressed up, only to find out they meant next Monday, not today. My new boss just gave me a weird look and said, "See you next week?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 160

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I'd put him on a six-month sex ban if he didn't binge watch Glee with me. He took the sex ban without hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 2 072

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 637

You deserved it 48 181

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 507

You deserved it 64 320

Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 473

Today, my wife told me she is no longer sexually attracted to me. She also can’t understand why I still don’t want to go on her 35th birthday trip to London. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 212

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 151

You deserved it 14 154