The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Fully relaxed

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 133

Seething

By Roy - 25/12/2023 23:00 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, a guy I genuinely hate more than anyone else in my life complimented my new haircut. I had to thank him or I'd be yelled at by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 231

Night predator

By Gwen - 28/06/2025 16:00 - Russia - Rostov-on-Don

Today, I'm a 40+, aging, ugly woman with bad skin, and gaining weight. In the middle of the night, the cat landed on my face, clawing it so badly that it left actual scars. Just purrrfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 146

Anthropomorphism

By Anonymous - 19/07/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom - Southend

Today, I spent hours making an elaborate bird feeder for my backyard. It was finally ready, and I proudly hung it up, imagining the birds chirping happily. Instead, a squirrel discovered it within minutes, devoured all the birdseed, and then gave me a smug look before knocking the feeder to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 167

Body issues

By JeremySayz - 25/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was in an elevator with a coworker I barely know. My stomach thought that it was time to remind me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. It growled like a dying whale, and my coworker gave me a concerned look. To make it worse, the elevator got stuck for five minutes. We stood in awkward silence, with my stomach making noises the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 120

What should I do?

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 21:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, every girl i've ever been interested in will not text me back or follow up. I barely had any luck back in high school. I thought it would get better. Is this what dating is like in the mid-20's? FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 204

Good luck!

By Anonymous - 03/03/2026 15:00

Today, it's my breaking point. I've been in a roommate-type marriage for too long and I've finally lost the spark of hope that made me stay. It's going to be a terrible process to rebuild my life but I can't deal like this anymore. I'd rather live in the dirt than another day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 78

Out of the frying pan into a similar frying pan

By NervousDog - 26/10/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, they're jackhammering through concrete walls at my workplace in order to build an addition. I'm allowed to work from home… but I live right next to where they're jackhammering down a concrete garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 72

Scaredy cat

By Luke - 15/02/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to surprise my cat with a fancy new toy. I spent $30 on a laser pointer. Turns out, my cat is terrified of lasers, and spent the next hour giving me the "You betrayed me" look from under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 224

Happy Easter!

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my kids are at the age where they no longer want to go to church, and if I take them anyway, they misbehave on purpose to embarrass me. I don’t even want to go, my wife is the religious one, but if I refuse to go she’ll see to it I get hell on earth daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 345

Really specific gripe with road rules

By Toolegittoquit - 26/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - West Kelowna

Today, my girlfriend, who I really liked, dumped me after I sent proof of Canada’s government supported merge-like-a-zip campaign, because she thinks that zip-mergers are just people taking advantage of others. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 117

Doing my part

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 08:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I didn't feel like cooking when I got home from work, so I decided to go to the local restaurant nearby and do my part in supporting small businesses. Long story short, I woke up later feeling like absolute shit. Hello, food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 94

Badass

By Anonymous - 06/01/2024 08:00

Today, on a plane, a little kid was kicking the back of my son's chair. When the kid's mom went to the toilet, my son told this little kid, "If you kick my chair one more time, I’m going to kill your mom and you’ll never see her again." He stopped kicking but damn, what kind of son did I raise? FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 255

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, when I left for work, my girlfriend had gorgeous, very long (down to her hips), dark red hair. When I came home from work, her head was shaved. I asked her why she did it, and all she said was, "I just got tired of taking care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 383

Take it easy

By KittyT - 02/12/2023 10:00 - Australia

Today, on the third day of my first holiday ever, I still have food in my stomach from the first night. Yesterday I tried to walk up the beach and ended up crying in immense pain. I guess a holiday wasn't such a great idea after being diagnosed with gastroparesis a couple of weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 164

Screen time

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 06:00 - Germany - Welle

Today, our school won third prize for a project about inclusion. At the fancy reception, none of our students got included in anything, though. They didn’t manage to talk to people from any other school, because everyone else was busy staring at their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 125

By SirDirtyRedD - 25/01/2014 01:03 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I found my little brother breathing heavily and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me intensely and said "Breathing in all the oxygen so you can't have any and die." 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 41

SirDirtyRedD tells us more.

SirDirtyRedD 15

Saturday 25 January 2014 20:11

i would just like to make a point that he is only six he has plenty of time to make better plans lol

Same

By Anonymous - 07/01/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I’m just living. Nothing I want matters. Just the same repetitive thing day after day. What must I do for things to change? FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 184

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 08/10/2025 00:00

Today, after nerve pain and trouble sitting down, I found a lump in my ass crack. My doctor thought might be a tumour or cancer, so I was sent for scans. Apparently my whole life I’ve had an ingrown vestigial tail at the bottom of my spine hidden under the skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 70

Denial no more

By KittyT - 13/02/2025 10:00 - Australia - Randwick

Today, after years of me trying to get better, I finally have to admit that I'm severely disabled, as I saw it on my assistance paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 82

The step before rat-licker

By Annabelle - 17/03/2021 17:01

Today, I got caught sniffing a rat, and now my boss is forcing me to be tested for the black death and is "terrified" that I made everyone sick, and says I may be fired from my job as a pediatric anesthesiologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 242

Avalanche

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 05:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I fell, cut my hand, and needed four stitches. Yesterday, I caught a cold. Two days before that, my girlfriend broke up with me. No rest for the wicked, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 109

Strained out

By Anonymous - 05/03/2026 22:00

Today, my parents happily announced that they're getting remarried. They divorced because of the strain brought on by me nearly dying in a car accident. So basically they put us through all that shit, including me blaming myself for everything, for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 66

By voyagevoyage - 09/04/2014 22:38 - France - Les Montils

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 277

Foundations

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 20:00

Today, I caught the woman I’ve been dating for a few weeks in bed with my brother. We’ve not had sex yet. If she wanted a relationship with him, why not say so instead of wasting my time? This truly feels like I did the work digging the trench, but my brother got to lay the pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 104

Dysfunctionally functional

By Anonymous - 21/05/2024 10:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, a coworker confided in me that he’s taking a leave of absence to get treatment for alcoholism. I feel for him, but I’m also incredibly jealous. He’s better at our job while drunk than I am while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 203

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 16:00

Today, I had a phone call from a company I was applying to. It was going really well, until the call ended. Now since I'm so used to calling my girlfriend, I ended the call with, "Love you, bye." And if things couldn't get any worse, I started swearing to myself. The recruitment officer heard me. I forgot to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 893

Family

By You're next, ex-mom! - 08/02/2026 03:00

Today, I came home to see my house trespassed, vandalized, and looted by my cousin, whom I have always hated, and his friends. As I get the cops to haul them to jail, he got kicked out from home for the Nth time and said my mom invited them. When I confronted my mom about it, she dismissed it saying, "He's family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 80

Tax evasion

By Single4Life - 22/02/2025 18:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, my long-term boyfriend still does not want to get married and file our taxes jointly, but rather wants to claim me as a “dependent” so he gets a bigger refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 149

Revealing

By Anonymous - 08/05/2025 08:00

Today, I am fuming. We went to the beach in the sunny weather and my husband finally got round to posting the pictures on Facebook. In one of them I’m sunbathing and one of my fanny lips was hanging completely out the edge of my bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 215

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 243

You deserved it 5 117

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 677

You deserved it 6 161

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 698

You deserved it 7 114

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 089

You deserved it 2 048

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 916

You deserved it 2 590

Today, I found out that I'm completely and utterly head over heels in love with a man who, as it turns out, doesn't actually exist. Thank you, the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 689