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The all-time greatest FMLs

Middleschoolers these days…

By Anonymous - 19/12/2022 00:00

Today, my son told me he wants to be a cop or enter the military when he grows up. Why? "Cops get paid to kill useless members of society" and "Only the military can stop communism." FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 305

Spill the T

By Seasonal Suck - 28/09/2022 09:30 - United States

Today, seasonal allergies are whooping my ass again. The last time this happened was… only two weeks ago. Even more unfortunately, today also marks the day I discovered that while hot tea does help soothe my poor, inflamed throat, if I drink too much of it without a break, I throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 214

#ForeverAlone

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 11:01 - United States - Marietta

Today, I woke up realizing that not even the scammer that I told I would pay for her friendship wanted to be my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 297

Thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:03 - United States - Kenton

Today, my mom saw me holding a plant and told me to walk around with it, to replace all of the oxygen I waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 234

Social parasites

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 16:00

Today, after pointing out to my landlord that they have taken nearly $6k from me through illegal rent increases, I was evicted for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 1 193

Sounds like an old joke, but unfortunately…

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00

Today, I opened my mail and mistook it for my bank statement. It was my hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 137

Free advertising

By NotFernMichaels - 28/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Red Lodge

Today, I received a package that I thought contained a textbook for law school, for which I paid $130 used. Instead, I received a paperback novel titled "The Nosy Neighbor" by Fern Michaels. My semester starts next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 123

Bad day

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 06:00

Today, I drove to my job and got a parking ticket for parking in my assigned parking spot. On top of that, my mom's dog gave birth to her puppies in my bathroom. I currently have a parking ticket and ten dogs in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 114

If only it was a leap year

By Nathaniel Bastien - 06/02/2021 23:01 - Canada

Today, I inquired about getting a raise from a company that I've been with for 5 years. My manager said I'll get one starting February 29th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 78

Slam dunk

By YEET - 21/12/2022 12:00

Today, I was trying to find my phone. My friend found it, and instead of handing it to me like a normal person, he threw it at me. I'm terrible at catching stuff. It bounced off my arm and landed in his cup of Sprite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 141

The world is your oyster

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 21:30

Today, the guy I really love, and who apparently loves me too, told me he just can’t be with me because he’s moving away to buy an oyster farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 100

Bro moment

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 11:00

Today, I had a stomach bug and had to run to the restroom because I messed my pants. My boyfriend's words of comfort? "Don't worry, bro. I've crapped my pants at least twice since we've been together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 175

Motherly love

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 20:00

Today, my son handed me a handful of snot he just sneezed out, then went back to playing with his Lego. I had IVF and gave up a career as a lawyer to have this little snot demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 1 650

To top it off…

By leo - 22/01/2023 12:30

Today, my alarm turned itself off, leading to me sleeping in and showing up to work two hours late. Throughout the day, I kept on fumbling my words because my job requires me to speak mostly in my second language rather than my first, and I'm not great at it. On my way home from work, I backed into a pole with my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 220

Just the tip

By Anonymous - 15/06/2023 22:00

Today, my mother is mad at me because I dared, yes DARED, to go out with a girl who stands up to her instead of just meekly doing what she tells her. Which should tell you exactly what sort of woman my mother is, so you know this FML is just the tip of my lifelong misery iceberg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 150

Emotional

By Vanessa - 18/01/2023 16:00

Today, I went to my boss’s office to ask him a question. He basically gave me a cold look and replied, “You just answered your own question.” Due to my pregnancy hormones, it took all the strength I had to not burst into tears right there and then. I went back to my desk and let it all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 244

Fall of Man

By Anonymous - 25/07/2022 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my husband moved out while I was out of town. The only thing of his he left behind was a copy of Paradise Lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 146

My dad, the gold digger

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 03:00

Today, I was telling my dad how I turned down some guy, but when I mentioned the guy's name my dad was like, “Oh, you mean the son of my old friend, studying computer engineering, genius, real future ahead of him, and you think you can do better than him? What’s wrong with you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 536

Lonesome wheels

By Anonymous - 28/10/2021 11:00

Today, while talking to my parents about my car, my dad said, "Don't put a lot of money into it because we will give you ours when we move." I asked why, and my mom responded, "Well, we helped your sister with her wedding, so this is going to be your wedding gift." I'm getting a car out of pity for not having a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 175

Mammy's boy

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 22:00

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 173

Tasty punishment

By Anonymous - 03/06/2023 06:00

Today, my aunts found grandpa's will, which left everything to me and nothing to them, and his lawyer confirmed on the phone this was definitely grandpa's wish. My entire family now hate me and think I manipulated him. My grandpa has hated me my entire life, so I think this is his way of punishing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 129

By comparison, I'm doing OK

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 12:00

Today, with my relationship in shambles, I reached out to my cousin who has been separated for a year. I asked her if she had any regrets, she said, “I wish I’d done what he said and sucked off his friend.” My spending issues now seems manageable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 195

Legalize it!

By fml9124 - 07/11/2020 17:02

Today, my state decriminalized small amounts of every hard drug you can name. Heroin, LSD, cocaine, you name it. I'm a recovering addict. I moved to Oregon to get away from the big city and drugs and take in nature. No I didn't. I knew this would happen. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 1 179

Let people believe what they believe

By Anonymous - 01/01/2023 15:00

Today, my wife and I finally got in touch with a therapist to deal with the fact that our daughter resolutely believes in Santa, despite being told by everyone and by common sense that he is made up. Before you make mad comments, be aware she is 17 and has no mental disorders we are aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 244

Rocket man

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 04:00

Today, I attended my wife's cousins wedding. While trying to help struggling teens with fireworks, I got shot in the eye by a commercial-grade firework. I spent the rest of the night in the ER, then headed to see the eye doctor. I have about 75% of loss of vision. Hopefully it's not permanent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 268

By franska - 03/11/2015 00:14 - Suède - Lund

Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 61

Checkpoint Charlie

By VHgolf1989 - 16/03/2022 22:00

Today, I get to go to my new job and have the boss's kid watch me as I do all the grunt work, and he just sits there watching me, only to come and correct me on how to do my job. Oh joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 130

Compression wars

By Guido - 09/03/2022 18:00

Today, I was written up and banned from playing my songs at the office. Turns out that my other workmates snitched on me because I was playing '90s rock and pop, which was stressing them out somehow. Of course, the burnout I had from listening to three straight hours of tacky Reggaeton music didn't matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 200

Christine

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 02:01

Today, after waiting a week for an update on my car after the engine blew, all covered by warranty, I was informed that my car is under investigation for warranty fraud. This is its fourth engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 127

My way or the highway

By Why are you still my father anyway? - 03/11/2021 06:00 - Mexico - Chalco

Today, whenever I call my father on the phone he never answers, but if I ever ignore his calls he wishes me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 92

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The Top

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 102

You deserved it 5 116

Today, I visited my old job to pick up some paperwork. Since leaving over a year ago, I’ve lost over 60lbs, but I’m currently 6 months pregnant. Not a single person believed that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 284

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 064

You deserved it 1 722

Today, I got fired. Not because of anything I did, but because my best friend, who'd I'd gotten hired, stood up for herself when both the owner's wife and daughter became disrespectful professionally. She then quit and got a job with a competitor. They started looking at her LinkedIn. Two weeks later, I get canned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 126

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 620

You deserved it 4 670

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 055

You deserved it 3 772