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The all-time greatest FMLs

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 1 758

Single and unwilling to mingle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2022 14:00

Today, without really meaning to, I’ve become the angry old widower who lives alone, and whose neighbours don’t talk to him and their kids are scared of. I can’t be sure, but I think the kids even invented a legend about me being the old man monster of the neighbourhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 203

It's not a phase, mom!

By gelly donut - 22/10/2023 20:00

Today, my parents disowned me because I told them I don’t want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 142

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 01/06/2022 03:00 - United States

Today, I had to watch my grandparents' dogs. Unfortunately, my grandparents forgot to tell me that their new dogs bark non-stop whenever anyone else is in the house, which inspires the older dogs to do the same thing. The result: Five dogs barking incessantly, for hours on end. This is exactly why I'm a cat person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 180

Kids say the darndest things

By Anonymous - 30/09/2020 02:02

Today, I asked my 2-year-old if he loved me. His response? “No mama, stop.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 1 120

Picture this

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 10:59

Today, I've got so many pimples in my face, I could actually fill a bucket with my own pus. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 159

Coinbased

By Keekee - 19/01/2023 14:00

Today, I rang up a customer’s items. The total came out to $24.67. She handed me a bag full of coins and looked at me expectantly. I asked if she had any other payment methods; she got irritated and said ,“If I did, I wouldn’t have given you this, stupid!” I had to count them. She was still 6 dollars short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 140

Sketchy

By Jen - 07/09/2022 21:30

Today, my fiancé broke up with me, because he was mad I was worried about him due to him not answering me for ten hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 288

Guilt by association

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my partner is pissed off at me because someone sent me a meme she disapproves of. As if I have any control over what people send to me… FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 153

Poot

By dumblonde76 - 14/09/2021 07:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had a rumble in my tummy whilst picking up groceries. I tried to let out a little poot, but ended up shitting in my pants. I had to leave without the groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 388

Marty McFly

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 03:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I've heard some weird reasons before, but "My future self told me to" is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 137

Great start

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who kept checking his phone every five minutes. When I asked him if everything was okay, he told me he was just playing Candy Crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 112

Shipping culture

By Anonymous - 07/03/2022 14:00

Today, my friend accused me of lying about being gay. Why? I happen to ship some m/f couples in the works of fiction I follow. According to her, gay people are inherently opposed to anything heterosexual, and therefore it shouldn't be possible that I like those ships. The kicker? She herself is straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 124

You must obey

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 14:00

Today, my company decided to give me a second role, since I’m "the best performing candidate.” When I turned it down, they asked me to work half-time instead. I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 140

Real life

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 22:59

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 16 months has had an "internet-only" girlfriend since before we got together, but she wasn't ever "real" to him, so he didn't think it would get in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 116

Golden child

By Lennell - 24/08/2022 02:00

Today it's my twin brother's and my birthday, and like every year people wish him a happy birthday instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 115

Neverending story

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 11:01

Today, it's my birthday. We were supposed to be going to a nice Italian restaurant at 6.30 p.m. Instead, the whole region is going into a snap lockdown from 6 p.m., due to the recent community transmissions of Covid-19. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 165

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

By ReginaW - 14/03/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down to tell me he’s filing for divorce as he’s fallen out of love with me and loves my 19 year-old daughter (his step-daughter). Furthermore, I’m off the lease when it expires next month so they can live together. We have a 2 month-old son. He replied, “OK, and? I’ll pay child support.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 122

Rulers of the world

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 18:01 - Germany

Today, my mom insists on leaving both the front and kitchen door open in case the cat comes home, no matter if it gets cold inside. Yes, the cat is that important. Yes, he also has a cat flap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 98

One track mind

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 419

Affection breakdown

By Anonymous - 19/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 150

Serfs

By Impotante - 11/06/2021 02:01

Today, at work while everyone else was at lunch, my boss's sister-in-law called. Realizing I was manning the phones alone, she immediately asked, "Oh, is everyone of importance gone to lunch?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 91

So annoying

By Anonymous - 11/12/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend and I were arguing. I told her that "same" and "similar" were two different words that meant two different things. She said, "I don't know about that, let me research it." This is the level of, "I always need to be right" that I deal with every day. I need to end things, for both of our sakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 317

God is Dead 6: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 188

Discrimination!

By DamnYou - 04/01/2023 18:00

Today, in this horrible job market, I finally got an interview with a dream company. But like the dumbass I am, I mentioned my baby in the interview and got the "look" from the interviewer. Bye bye yet another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 1 127

Keeping up with the Joneses

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 00:01

Today, in our family group chat, my sister-in-law asked me what I got my new girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. Not long after, my brother called me pissed off about me making him look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 96

Circular logic

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 11:01

Today, I was told I was disrespectful for letting a parent know that her son was disrespecting adults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 82

Snaggletooth

By sara - 30/05/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, I finally got my health insurance after waiting a few months. Now I have to wait at least 6 months before getting my cracked tooth fixed, thanks to the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 130

Lick that corporate boot!

By leteeatinpeace - 18/04/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, one of my super obnoxious coworkers tried to snitch on me and record me for “being lazy” on the clock. I was sitting in my car, while eating trail mix ON MY BREAK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 115

Creepy Crawly

By chelseasdead - 04/07/2021 06:01

Today, I was smoking a cigarette outside and kept thinking I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. I would look and there was nothing there, so I kept brushing it off. Finally I figured out it was an earwig crawling through my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 144

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 326

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 802

You deserved it 1 615

Today, I started Lifeguard Training and we had the fitness test you had to pass to continue. I work out everyday and I start on our football team. It's spring break and i've worked everyday (construction). I'm fit. Time comes to take the test, I finished last, beat by a 44 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 148

You deserved it 17 734

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 092

You deserved it 2 230

Today, I said to my wife that I wished I had met her 20 years ago. Her response was, "Twenty years ago I had beautiful tits and many options, I wouldn't have even looked at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 257

You deserved it 5 920

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 193