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The all-time greatest FMLs

Mr Whiskers takes priority

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 16:58

Today, my daughter forgot my birthday. When I asked her, she said she'd remembered my birthday, but was too busy at work to acknowledge it. However, she did have time to post a message on Facebook, wishing a happy birthday to her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 137

Bad Moon Rising

By SleeplessinNJ - 10/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Raritan

Today, one of my fiancé's groomsmen is an alcoholic, and my fiance is in denial about it. He's a nice guy when sober, but belligerent, disrespectful and out of control when drinking. My fiancé refuses to acknowledge my anxiety at having him in our wedding with an open bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 110

Spending spree

By cheapskate supreme - 09/08/2023 00:02

Today, my husband guilt-tripped me for buying a $14 purse. According to him, my old one, with its busted zipper, frayed hems and holes in the interior, was still “perfectly good to hold all your crap.” I literally only have one purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 119

OK Shaggy

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 03:01 - United States - Randolph

Today, I was pumping gas at a gas station. An attractive woman walked by and the guy pumping gas behind me did a whistle/catcall to her. She then looked at me and gave me a disgusted look. I didn't even try to hit on a girl, and still got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 123

Running on empty

By SleepyRN - 31/03/2023 15:00 - United States - Round Lake

Today, it's been 3 weeks since I was suspended and the fired from my job for falling asleep at the desk. Very unprofessional, even if I was 29 weeks pregnant and sick. It's also been 3 weeks since I've had trouble falling asleep because I'm too used to working nights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 247

No, you do it!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 08:01

Today, despite being hearing impaired, I just spent an hour on the phone with Comcast setting up my mom's internet, because my sister who hears fine is "too busy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 92

Smack my bitch up

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 01:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 240

Animal lover

By fml9124 - 01/03/2021 02:00

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threatened to run away. Why? We live in southern Arizona. In the last week, she's found a dead tarantula and a live scorpion in her bedroom. In a couple of weeks it will be rattlesnake season. She's not liking the desert much anymore, where even the plants want to hurt you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 499

The joys of public transportation

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 04:56

Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 244

Thanksgiving 2020 is going to be a doozy

By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 08:08 - United States - Bakerville

Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 142

Hype house prank style

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 17:00 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I woke up to find I'd peed the bed. My girlfriend did the warm water trick to me, where she put my hand in water while sleeping, which can make you piss yourself apparently. As I went to get up, I noticed she'd also painted my toenails pink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 202

Many such cases!

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 02:00

Today, I found out that I can’t get my COVID vaccine due to my chance of going into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 144

That took a dark turn…

By lukey101 - 17/12/2020 01:58 - Australia - Caboolture

Today, I asked a colleague what part of town he was from. After explaining, he went on to say how much his wife loved the house and its location. That was of course until she died and soiled herself in their bed one night, which he didn't realise until the next morning. Sorry for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 162

Great excuses

By sumi - 01/06/2021 22:00

Today, I dumped my boyfriend because I found his OKCupid account. He claimed that he only has it so he can do the quizzes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 129

9 to 5, what a way to not make a living

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 18:01 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I excitedly went to check this week's paycheck, only to see that I only received $9.00. This isn't a mistake, this is really what I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 172

Wise kid

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 17:02

Today, I had to give my four year-old daughter some tough love, which I hate doing. When she ran away crying, my son, her twin brother, looked at me and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 455

Dude…

By Nothanksimdone - 09/07/2021 15:59

Today, I received a new like on a dating site… from my extremely creepy second cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 101

Secretive

By whattheHellman - 23/10/2022 09:00 - Australia - Traralgon

Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 131

Clusterfuck

By WhyEvenBother - 16/12/2021 04:59 - Germany

Today, I just learned that instead of celebrating my birthday as a small group, my mother has invited dozens of family members from all over the Germany, amidst spiking Covid cases in my region. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 197

With military bearing

By Pin Chi - 20/02/2022 14:00

Today, my sister’s son, who adores me, started calling me, “my funny uncle.” I was later informed this is also a euphemism for an uncle who molested you. I didn't know, and now he won’t stop saying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 78

Compassionate management

By Dean Roberts - 01/02/2021 13:01 - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, my manager said it was my choice to have surgery on my arm and that I shouldn't complain, everyone goes through pain. She's right, but I was born with a birth defect in my wrist. The surgery was going to happen sooner or later, I didn't want to be born this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 87

Barely legal

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 13:00 - South Africa

Today, I recently got into a relationship with a 15 year-old. I’m 17. All my friends are calling me a pedo. Am I the only one that doesn’t think the age gap is weird? FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 434

Wise words

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 05:01

Today, I realised that I live to work. I’m not even good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 201

Hate speech

By Meow - 27/07/2022 18:00

Today, I woke up sick from crying all night because I got dumped by a dude who couldn't stand my tone of voice, which I can’t completely control because of my Asperger's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 193

By Anonyme - 25/03/2016 03:52 - Japon - Tokyo

Today, I tried a photo booth that automatically whitens skin. Being naturally very pale, the machine whitened me so much that my face merged with the white background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 151

Opening old wounds

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 12:01 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out the garage and found one of my old science fair projects. It was disqualified for outside help and cheating. I didn't do either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 89

Priorities

By Anonymous - 10/03/2022 04:00 - Australia

Today, my mum bought a boat. She still hasn’t paid me back the $1000 she owes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 96

Ace in the hole

By anna - 15/05/2021 07:58

Today, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero desire for sex. I’m well into my 20s and not a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 184

The Lovecats

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 136

I'm too old for this

By anon - 08/06/2022 22:00

Today, my parents lectured me about how my girlfriend will ruin my life, because she's a single mom, a recovering alcoholic, and has chronic health issues. Apparently, I should be with their friend's rude, trashy daughter, who can't keep a job, and goes on a drunken, drug-fueled bender every other week. I'm 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 186

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The Top

Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 913

You deserved it 2 896

Today, after 38 years of never meeting my dad, and paying a private investigator thousands of pounds over several weeks of searching, I found him living 2 floors down in the same block of flats. He’s the grouchy downstairs neighbour I’ve hated for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 089

You deserved it 480

Today, there was a massive thunderstorm in my area. My first instinct - as well as my parents' - was to go to my sickly grandma's house and make sure she was okay, as she lives alone. As we prepared to step outside, we all remembered a rather crucial detail: My grandma is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 179

Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 128

You deserved it 448

Today, I was supposed to having the interview for which I'd been preparing for the past week. I join and 5 minutes later, some guy joins, just to tell me that there's been some technical issue and the interview will be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 87

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 256

You deserved it 6 080