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The all-time greatest FMLs

Block-cocked

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 19:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, I finally met a guy I was interested in, after being a single 21 year-old virgin, but my brother decided to be overprotective and drag me away. Like, literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 142

Shush

By Bride - 25/02/2021 23:00 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 209

Know your worth

By Anonymous - 20/05/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 106

Bad boy

By Pythagoras_is_from_Mars - 20/10/2022 03:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my first day on dating apps in a long time. I have a prominent facial scar from a car accident that happened a long time ago. All the girls that contact me want to hear stories of dangerous behavior and jealous exes. I'm a small town high school math teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 122

Help!

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 19:58

Today, our boss nicely asked if we were stressed. Before I could answer in the affirmative and ask for help, my colleague replied, “Stress is for the weak!” She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 142

Bad car day

By Jess - 12/03/2021 14:01

Today, I got not one but two flat tires after hitting two separate potholes big enough to take chunks out if my original rim and to bend the shit out of my spare. This was in about a 3 mile radius and within minutes of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 200

Nutshot

By Unwilling Target - 03/10/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad decided to test if Nerf guns actually hurt by sneaking up on me and shooting me with one. He missed; however, when he shot at me again, he hit my cat on my lap, causing my poor cat to run away. After desperately trying to apologize to my cat, he then shot at me a THIRD time, nailing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 171

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 07:00 - United States - Palos Heights

Today, it's been 3 months since I've been talking to a guy. He told me that he doesn't want the responsibility of being in a relationship. He likes me and would still like to have sex, but not ready right now for something serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 311

Olympic kerfuffle

By Stace - 29/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my dad went on a rant about the US Olympics gymnastics team, claiming that it was a disgrace that someone dropped out, and that it was disrespecting "our flag". He's never watched the Olympic games ever, not to mention any gymnastics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 156

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 20:02

Today, it's the last day of my three-week vacation, during which I couldn't go anywhere due to COVID and lockdown. I just learned that some of my colleagues are infected and I will have to fill in for two department superintendents at the same time when I go back to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 106

Dude, stop arguing!

By Christ on a bike - 22/01/2023 00:00

Today, it was only after our third date, a random traffic stop by law enforcement, and a long, insane argument with the officers that I found out that the guy I've recently been getting to know is a Sovereign Citizen nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 175

Ban appeals time

By Anonymous - 06/01/2023 00:00 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was playing my favorite online game when I had to use the bathroom. While I was away for five minutes, my little sister went on my laptop, typed the “N-word” in chat, and got me banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 468

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 14:00

Today, after I decided to see what would happen if I didn’t text my boyfriend first in the morning, I haven’t heard from him in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 358

This is going to be great!

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 04:00 - United States - Morristown

Today, after we got married five months ago, my wife and I planned a trip to France and Spain as a honeymoon. We’re supposed to be leaving on Saturday. She just told me last night, “I am so not looking forward to the trip.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 130

People are people

By Astounding competence - 03/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my country is going back into a full national lockdown after the government swore they wouldn't do another one. We desperately need to stop the spread, but with so many U-turns and broken rules from the government, no one is going to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 221

The invisible man

By Anonymous - 18/05/2023 15:00

Today, all I wanted after a bad week was a takeaway. We had a few houseguests, plus my wife and kids, so the order was on the large side. When it came, the order was perfect, except mine. The only things they forgot were my starter, my main, my side order, and my dessert. Everything else was perfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 107

Zamboni please

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 05:01

Today, I took a part time job at McDonald’s and started working in the kitchen. The floor is so greasy, you can’t walk normally, you move around like you’re on an ice rink. With some momentum built up, you can even slide a couple of meters when no one is looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 180

The final straw

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 10:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend of several months to post a picture of us. He deleted his Facebook instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 283

Cover up

By Anonymous - 20/09/2023 10:00

Today, my stepmother ruined my wedding by trying to get me to cover my tattoos with makeup. She spilled makeup on my dress, delayed the limo, talked through the ceremony about my tattoos looking horrible, and tried to cancel our photographer so there’d by no official photos of my horrible tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 190

Disproportionate response

By Anonymous - 09/03/2022 14:00

Today, mom caught me watching YouTube while doing schoolwork. I'm grounded, and not allowed to do anything but schoolwork. She got mad, EVEN THOUGH I was doing schoolwork while watching videos, maintaining a 98% in my class. Now I'm grounded longer, because I'm supposed to do schoolwork and nothing but. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 353

Spook Magook

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 132

High value male

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 10:00

Today, my boyfriend has been fired from Amazon, rejected by the army, deactivated from Uber, and quit his fast food job. He also proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 365

**** the lifescript

By Angela - 08/03/2021 00:28 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my twice-divorced boomer mother made another passive-aggressive remark about my partner and I not being married, despite our 13-year relationship. What is this, 1950? We don't care about marriage, deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 302

You tried

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 05:01 - United States - Gilbert

Today, after thinking my crush maybe liked me back, I confessed. He didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 115

Close shave

By Your cars extended warranty - 30/08/2021 06:01 - United States - Titusville

Today, I was texted by a number that their "date" had given them. I replied that they'd got the wrong number. She then sent me a picture of herself and started flirting. I was suspicious about this, so I ran her photo through Google image finder. Her "photo" is apparently used by scammers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 104

Get better friends

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 00:01

Today, after years of being too self-conscious to do anything big with my appearance, I finally got an undercut. My best friend went on a rant about how I "ruined" how I look and now she can't be seen with me, because we "look mismatched together." Looks like I'm back to being self-conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 142

Show bobs and vagene

By c2style - 12/02/2022 00:00 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I had my first conversation with someone on a dating site. “I’m trying to get to know you.… so, are you a big girl? I haven’t really been able to look at your profile.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 217

Dumbass

By ParentingFail - 13/12/2022 15:00

Today, my 18 year-old son threatened to sue a store because they refused to give him a senior discount, at which point he trashed the store in a blind rage, and got banned for life. That would make more sense if he was actually a senior, not a senior in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 391

The betrayal!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2023 11:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years left me for the woman I had previously expressed concerns about. I wouldn't feel so bad if he hadn't dumped me and then got with her not even two hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 171

End of the year assessment

By robbert - 04/12/2021 01:59 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I overheard my female coworkers huddling in the breakroom, rating the male coworkers from hottest to least. My manager is, “Probably packing, teehee.” The new kid, “has a girlfriend but that won’t stop me.” They unanimously agree that I’m, “friendly but probably lowkey a creep.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 265

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The Top

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 953

You deserved it 3 350

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 373

You deserved it 1 856

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 885

You deserved it 3 558

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 331

You deserved it 27 424

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 448

You deserved it 6 855

Today, despite the fact that I live with my parents and pay rent, my mom decided the best spot for my brother, his wife and one-year-old son was my bedroom. So I'm sleeping on the couch, because it would, "take too long to clean her room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 275