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The all-time greatest FMLs

You're fired

By Pyrophobia - 13/09/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 152

Family jewels

By DanJames24 - 05/06/2020 14:00

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 188

Mom hobbies

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, on a road trip my mom got out to walk her dog. Her jar of Marijuana fell out of the car and rolled across the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 309

Out and about

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 14:00

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 714

Mom of the year

By lana - 28/09/2021 21:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was feeling suicidal and needed to talk to someone about it, so I called up the only person in the world who cares about me: my mom. Or so I thought. Her immediate response was, “You should go ahead and end it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 148

Where's my dog?

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the dog sitter I'd left him with while I was on vacation. When I arrived at her house to pick him up, she said, "I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about." and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t "leave her premises for trespassing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 141

By YoshiSqu4d - 22/05/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 226

By Adrian James - 09/07/2019 12:00

Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 259

Get a load of this guy?

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my father won't let me sleep in the same bed as my fiancée, because, "God dislikes indecent things." I've been with my fiancée for over 5 years. My father came to live with us months ago, because his now ex-wife sacked him for cheating on her and scamming her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 362

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 145

Classy

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 22:00 - France

Today, I've got two family members over to stay. So far, I have found a dirty Q-Tip, a nasty toe nail and had to clean up period blood from toilets, bin, and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 23/08/2019 00:01

Today, I spent five hours in the back seat of a car with two dogs. Both had been sprayed by a skunk earlier in the day. One had a gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 215

Blockages

By jakestorm - 04/09/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 386

Trust

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I'm so confused. My husband had a vasectomy years ago, yet a bunch of symptoms and five pregnancy tests all say I’m pregnant. I’ve never cheated on him, but if a baby suddenly appears, there’s no way he won’t think I’m a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 215

Work it

By fatty - 07/09/2019 20:00

Today, after a full year of vigorous exercise 7 days a week, and a strict diet of vegetables, fruits, and water, I can proudly say that I've lost half a pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 362

By WTF. - 03/08/2019 20:00

Today, I was interviewed by a WalMart employee for a position in their pharmacy. I didn't get the job. I was more qualified than the woman who gave me the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 329

Wow thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 23:00

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 199

Creepypasta

By terrifiedanon - 29/06/2019 06:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 166

Never get involved

By Boyufd - 08/06/2020 17:06

Today, my sister told me her ex-boyfriend abused her and I went to go confront him. Turns out, she lied because he dumped her after she cheated on him. I got my ass kicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 602

By Wasthistheplace - 29/06/2019 11:12 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet my dad, who I haven't seen in years, at a convenience store. He didn't show up, because the location was "inconvenient." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 156

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 154

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 05:00

Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later, the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 3 775

Art

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 02:01

Today, I was at my job as a fitting room attendant and I checked a woman and her young son in. After several minutes, they left, saying there was lipstick on the mirror. Not only was it all over two mirrors, but also on the wall, the floor and the carpet. The whole place smelled of lip-balm and I was left to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 148

Boring FML

By Anonymous - 02/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife of seven years told me she wants a divorce because I'm boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 360

By owie - 29/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, after breaking my leg, I'm unable to put any weight on it whatsoever. Our bedroom? Upstairs. Our only bathroom? Basement. My husband thought it would be a great idea to leave me alone and unable to walk to go babysit his nieces. I had to piss in a bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 226

By zuzu - 01/05/2019 14:00

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 663

Join the club

By Anonymous - 01/08/2022 14:00

Spicy

Today, just walked in on my fiancé having a threesome with my brother and his husband. The wedding was supposed to be next week, and a lot of it is non-refundable FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 201

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

By hadakanbo - 17/04/2020 05:00

Today, after spending weeks collecting almost every star, flag, and stamp of Super Mario 3D World on the Wii U, I was working on the very last of the super bonus levels to get the final 12 of 380 available stars when my five-year-old decided to help. By accidentally deleting the file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 574

Judgement day

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 04:00

Today, I found texts between my wife and her boyfriend making fun of me. They would sext right before my wife would be with me so she could think of him. She brags about how she picks random fights with me, stalks me, withholds sex, and calls our son names as well. I cannot wait to present these screenshots during our divorce hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 130

Family values

By Anonymous - 06/10/2019 12:00 - Croatia

Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 643

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The Top

The Top

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 163

You deserved it 151 602

Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 884

You deserved it 11 218

Today, on a date, I told the guy I could swim. He suggested we race. I agreed to impress him. I jumped in, immediately panicked, inhaled water, and had to be helped out by a 10-year-old with floaties. He asked if I lied about anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 704

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 408

You deserved it 3 183

Today, despite putting all the food in the fridge, taking all the rubbish outside, cleaning the house top to bottom and setting up bait, we're still dealing with a bloody huge ant problem. I've now got a rash all over from being bitten while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 976

You deserved it 159

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 945

You deserved it 44 117