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The all-time greatest FMLs

Racing rats

By Anonymous - 04/10/2019 20:00

Today, after working my ass off for months for an open supervisor job at my work, I found out that they hired someone for the position. The guy has never worked for the company before, has a background completely unrelated to what we do, and has to be trained as he knows nothing about what we do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 153

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 1 303

RED ALERT

By Chlo - 11/08/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the floodgates are opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 409

Roommate From Hell

By bigbuldge - 17/09/2019 00:01

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 183

Piece of shit car

By Anonymous - 15/08/2019 16:04

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 129

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 231

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 02:00

Today, I tracked down my birth dad. He lives in a massive house, with a wife and two kids, 3 cars and a fucking sailboat on the drive. My mom and I grew up in poverty, but I was calm when I confronted him. He had his gardeners throw me into the street like I was inconvenient trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 288

By metalmeow - 17/06/2019 05:00

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 219

Creepy

By TraumaPhobe - 02/01/2022 16:58

Today, I went out in public for the first time in four months since I was mugged and stabbed. Today, I also found out the guy who did it was out on bail. I discovered this walking across the road from the shopping centre where it happened, and he was crossing the road towards me, smiling the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 22:00

Today, the speaker I ordered from the distant country of America arrived. This is after it was held up by local customs, who demanded I pay no small amount for the import duty. Upon unboxing, I found out it was actually made in my own country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 338

By tripleBBB - 09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 2 651

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 22:00

Today, I woke up and my date I'd had the best sex ever with last night had found the sex doll I hid in a cupboard. She'd left a note calling me a creep, and to lose her number. It was a prop for my brother's stag do last week, I’ve never had sex with it, I’m just waiting for the recycling bins on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 429

Panic! At the Costco

By abutorac951 - 16/03/2020 16:48

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 207

Tonight, on Idiots in Cars…

By STOPattheSIGNbitch - 05/04/2020 08:00

Today, a woman in an SUV rolled a stop sign and hit me, resulting in simultaneously twisting my foot in my bike and being knocked into oncoming traffic. Her excuse before I went to the ER? The sun was in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 158

By millie14225 - 25/07/2019 14:00

Today, I live in a household of 3 people, with only one vehicle. My transmission blew right after working 16 straight hours. I had to walk 6 miles home, not to mention figure out work tomorrow. Now my oldest, who does not live with me, is pissed because it is an "inconvenience" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 19/06/2019 06:26

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 243

Thanks ma

By 1940s wants their attitude back - 29/09/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, I excitedly told my mom how I got accepted to the master’s program of my dreams. She decided now would be a good time to proudly repeat for the millionth time how she gave up a full ride to the Ivy League to marry my father, and I ought to be a "good woman" and do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 216

Fashion Week, Bitch

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 21:02

Today, I found out that my blazer was not in fact lost. How did I find this out? The girl who'd "lost it" was wearing it. She now denies it was ever mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 155

By peapapeanut - 15/07/2019 20:06

Today, after months of my best friend telling me we were going to be roommates and moving to a new city together, with me trusting her, she ditched me because “everyone” told her not to live with me. She’s still moving, and we’re going to be in the same school and class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 173

Smash capitalism

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 14:02

Today, I was basically treated to, "Hey, you're laid off by the end of the month. Oh, and would you mind training your replacement? We have budget cuts, and he works for less." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 113

Give Out But Don't Give Up

By Anonymous - 10/03/2020 12:00

Today, my wife told me that I was a 5 on the scale of how well I flirted and romanced her, and that the guy before me was a 9. This was at the kitchen table in front of our kids. They thought it was hilarious, and told me I shouldn’t bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 200

Time to relax

By Calimero - 26/04/2019 02:00

Today, I forked over a hefty sum to stay the night in a beautiful, luxurious hotel room, because back home I have a baby that doesn't sleep through the night yet. Never would I have imagined I would be staying directly next to the town nightclub. I'm still awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 1 244