The Top

Hey guys, OP here. I talked to my landlord about my roommate a few hours ago. She's a very sweet older lady, and she was in tears when I told her what happened. My roommate now has 48 hours to get out. I took Paprika to the vet right away, and they said she'll most likely survive, but it's possible she'll have brain damage. She woke up in the car on the way there (after a good ten minutes of not moving, I was so afraid she didn't make it) but they gave her something to make her sleep for awhile. Thank you all for your support!

Handy

By screwed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 245

You deserved it 12 253

By SierraDiaz2097 - 23/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Vardaman

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 645

You deserved it 9 667

By pleasestop - 11/06/2011 08:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 222

You deserved it 3 426

By laurwitharawr - 06/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 454

You deserved it 4 442

Who does this?

By Wanda - 11/05/2021 01:59

Today, my demented mother-in-law had my dog euthanized while I was on vacation, because he was, "too feral and disorderly." Why? Because he, "peed on the grass." I had that dog for 9 years. Why couldn’t my husband put her in a nursing home instead? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 108

Gun control

By grant b - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss asked if he could pay me in guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 728

You deserved it 6 165

By worker666 - 13/04/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 925

You deserved it 4 255

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 12:59 - Colombia - Bogota

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 1 928

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 376

You deserved it 7 952

By Spanishredhead - 03/10/2009 10:31 - United States

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 201

You deserved it 3 901

Growing pains

By mirie - 20/05/2021 08:01

Today, it occurred to me that it’s not normal that I still fit into all my clothes from when I was in high school. I’m 24 and I haven’t outgrown any of my clothes since I was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 421

You deserved it 8 246

Stuck

By PizzaBoySwag - 04/06/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 309

You deserved it 126 047

Hmmmm, breakfast

By Spiderchick - 26/09/2019 12:00 - Germany

Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 128

By fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuc - 02/04/2014 21:22 - Denmark - Herning

Today, the girl I've been dating for two weeks brought up the topic of marriage, then started asking me when we're moving in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 133

You deserved it 6 902

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 031

You deserved it 47 203

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 05:26 - Canada

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 468

You deserved it 39 952

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was taking a dump at work at a nursing home. While reaching for the toilet paper, I accidently pushed the emergency button. The nursing supervisors broke into the washroom to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 849

You deserved it 2 969

Today, my boyfriend bought a bikini he wanted me to wear in our hot tub. Unfortunately, I ran out of swimsuits for my daily swim at the public pool, so I took the new bikini. Now I know why he wanted to be alone when I wore it, as water turns it see-through and melts the stitching so it falls off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 799

You deserved it 522

Today, I saw a little boy wandering in the supermarket looking lost and distraught. I gently put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Hey buddy, where’s your mommy?” He screamed, “STRANGER DANGER!” and kicked me in the shin. His actual mom wandered over from the cheese section, gave me a dirty look, and walked off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 185

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 547

You deserved it 1 997

Today, my elderly neighbour was having some kind of house party. It was incredibly loud, so I went and asked if he could tone it down a little. He responded by grabbing a deck chair, smacking me with it, then chasing me back to my house, all while his guests cheered him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 832

You deserved it 7 601

Today, it doesn’t matter that I had major surgery on my hand 2 days ago and am supposed to be on bed rest with no hand movement for 3 weeks. According to my father and my husband, it doesn’t excuse me from wifely house duties and being the sole caretaker of our one-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 641

You deserved it 574