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By WritingWrongs - 25/11/2012 13:28 - United States

Today, my step-mom threw out some of the "boxes of junk" in my room, because apparently, I'm a pack rat. I guess she and everyone else in my family won't be receiving those Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 693

You deserved it 1 872

WritingWrongs tells us more.

WritingWrongs 8

Tuesday 27 November 2012 14:49

But the dead bird I got this year was extra special!

By Anonymoose - 25/12/2011 11:39 - Switzerland

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 641

You deserved it 55 515

By WiltedFlower - 31/07/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 273

You deserved it 6 391

The big reveal

By yeahthatsme - 30/07/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 970

You deserved it 29 406

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - 22/11/2012 21:03 - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 811

You deserved it 1 980

All heart

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss docked my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 305

You deserved it 2 624

Forbidden

By grounded - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phones at the table rule" and took my phone away until I could learn "proper table manners." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 598

You deserved it 48 110

By kittyslayer - 15/12/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 039

You deserved it 3 890

Tasty

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 631

You deserved it 5 570

Debt Wish

By FML Videos - 30/08/2018 13:30 - United States - New York

IT NEVER ENDS

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 97

What a question…

By Anonymous - 04/02/2015 03:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my science teacher decided not to recommend me for an honors science class for next year. The reason? Last week, I made the mistake of asking whether spray tans give vitamins in the same way as the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 011

You deserved it 47 736

By fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit - 12/10/2013 20:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 491

You deserved it 14 992

By Tj Hunt - 05/11/2012 03:26 - United States

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward two hours of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 757

You deserved it 4 476

Caught spunk-handed

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 23:01

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 2 270

By Anonymous - 01/02/2011 13:43 - United States

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 176

You deserved it 5 341

By Chemist-why - 30/01/2015 15:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 605

You deserved it 8 906

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 458

You deserved it 5 842

By Gen - 17/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 569

You deserved it 9 383

Workaholic

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 17:01

Today, after finally finding the one after so many heartbreaks, he’s leaving me because things are actually too good. He says having me around distracts him too much from work, and spends too much time with me instead of working weekends on top of working all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 170

Clapped

By frennyy - 04/06/2024 10:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I gave him an STD I didn’t know I had. Before sleeping together, he asked me to get tested. Feeling lazy, I got some fake test results from Google Images. He called me a few weeks later, saying he has the clap. I told him he must've got it from someone else. He was a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 1 787

By Obi1Shinobi - 30/10/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 163

You deserved it 4 668

Nice try

By Peel - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 064

You deserved it 7 885

By Whoopsx99 - 30/01/2010 19:21 - United States

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 823

You deserved it 49 069

Jump scare

By soonaked - 30/01/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 290

You deserved it 5 966

By davifilo - 26/10/2012 09:40 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 040

You deserved it 2 633

Birthday blues

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 17:01

Today, I turned 39 and I finally had my very first surprise birthday party. It was held by a group of video game animals in Animal Crossing instead of by real people, because I'm not important enough to them to remember my birthday without Facebook's intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 293

Sherri Papini has a lot to answer for

By FtHisSHet - 27/01/2023 17:30

Today, my wife faked being kidnapped. She composed a ransom letter and made calls from her phone screaming for help frantically and hanging up. I got the cops involved. Turns out it was all a scam, because she “wanted to see what I’d do” because apparently she “hasn’t been feeling loved” lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 188

By leaftheerickson - 21/10/2012 10:31 - United States - Bohemia

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 970

You deserved it 1 620

Sexy talk

By aur - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I spent my first night with my English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice, "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 877

You deserved it 8 007

By Krissy - 25/01/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 581

You deserved it 4 659

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The Top

Today, I went to our school golf banquet, after being with the team and practicing every day for a few months with them. When it came time to get the certificates, all the names were called out. Except for mine. When I asked the coach where my certificate was, he said "Who are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 629

You deserved it 3 326

Today, I said that I'm not okay with my body. I'm not extremely obese, just gained some pounds, but it bugs me. My wife told me to search opportunities instead of excuses, and go to the f*ing gym. I'm still recovering after a serious accident and surgery, and I can't walk yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 135

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 683

You deserved it 44 187

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 422

You deserved it 4 426

Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 295

Today, it has been a month since I was forced to attend my grandmother's birthday party, despite the fact that I was sick at the time. Just as I got better, my mom got sick. Then when she got better, my dad got sick. Finally, now that my dad is better, guess who's sick again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 123