The Top

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By dundundadumb - 06/08/2009 21:25 - United States

Today, a very good friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said, "Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said, "You've made me the happiest man alive" as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 023

You deserved it 107 759

Looking good

By YoushouldsaythattoHER - 12/09/2018 22:00

Today, a guy was telling me how his girlfriend considers me a "perfect beauty." Not used to getting this sort of compliment every day, I felt extremely flattered… until he started explaining in great detail why he couldn't disagree with her more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 978

You deserved it 210

By shart - 09/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 563

You deserved it 2 295

By BroadcitySF - 28/02/2016 03:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was mugged while changing my tampon. The mugger took everything, including the fresh tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 593

You deserved it 1 639

By BikerGuy - 24/02/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 881

You deserved it 2 208

By AlwaysAfraid - 16/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 222

You deserved it 297

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 17:02

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 034

You deserved it 735

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 101

You deserved it 7 227

Hardly getting used to it

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 02:22 - United States - Columbia

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 969

You deserved it 1 788

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 872

You deserved it 6 015

By Anonymous - 29/01/2016 19:12 - United States - Watonga

Today, I was feeling terrible and posted on Facebook about how I was stressed out and feeling really lonely. My sister replied saying "#fatfuckproblems". 13 people liked it and some so-called friends posted stuff like "rekt" and "SLAYED, bitch!", all in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 518

You deserved it 4 627

Trick Or Treat Struggles

By FML Videos - 31/10/2018 19:30 - United States - New York

That little tiger has some serious attitude. Relatable.

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 88

By Jen - 26/11/2018 07:30 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 279

Who dis? New phone

By Sexting - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 770

You deserved it 9 377

Crackers

By crazycrochetlady - 17/12/2018 20:00

Today, I'm 7 weeks pregnant. For the first time in a week, I feel well enough to eat something that isn't cheerios, a bagel, or crackers. I woke up 2 hours after going to bed with the shits. I'm almost convinced this kid hates me already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 280

By brokebackanus - 18/12/2015 14:15 - United States - Detroit

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 632

You deserved it 7 885

By Itchy - 28/02/2017 18:00

Today, I found out I'm allergic to soil, pollen, dust, mold, the colors green, yellow, orange, black and grey, most metals, wood, carpet, drywall, most hygiene and beauty products, and plastic. Basically, I was told to avoid the entire planet and everything man-made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 430

You deserved it 686

Horny and dumb

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 802

You deserved it 1 789

A different kind of wind

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 372

You deserved it 4 947

Cool your jets

By unimpressed bride - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 325

You deserved it 3 233

By adieu Barbie - 03/05/2016 06:43 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and subsequent funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 92

By Loveless - 06/05/2019 00:00

Today, I discovered my girlfriend's secret blog, where all she does is vent about how much she cheats on me and hates me, but will never leave me because she can’t afford to. Her followers love and support these actions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 326

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 21:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 883

You deserved it 2 072

Beach bummer

By GrossLump - 27/05/2019 16:09

Today, I was swimming at the beach. At the end of the day, I felt a huge hard lump in between my toes. When I looked closer and pushed on it, it sounded and felt exactly like a bean bag. I had a blister from the day before and it had filled with sand. I had to cut it open to pour the sand out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 23:30 - United States - Trenton

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 313

You deserved it 2 210

By fingerfuckd - 29/04/2009 15:47 - Canada

Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 816

You deserved it 13 716

By BrokeStudentTryingToDoSomethingNice - 02/12/2016 06:31

Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all the post and gifts they have been sending her. For a special birthday / Christmas, I'd splurged on an expensive, interactive mystery game where you are mailed clues over the course of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 990

You deserved it 1 575

Dementia

By RyoKioKio - 30/05/2017 20:00

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 898

You deserved it 204

By Kml - 14/11/2016 12:31

Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 481

You deserved it 735

By Anonymous - 12/06/2017 02:00

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 592

You deserved it 324

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The Top

Today, I found out that in September I will be expected to teach a student whose mother described as a more pedantic, nitpicky, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 100

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 874

You deserved it 2 367

Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 325

You deserved it 3 323

Today, I threw a goodbye party because I'm going to live to Chile soon. Nobody came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 140

Today, my best friend told me he loved me, so I reminded him that I'm a lesbian. "That's just a phase, just wait till you suck my dick," was his reply. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 194

You deserved it 348

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on the toilet, and then had to give my boss a valid reason for why I was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 085

You deserved it 5 246