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Be warned

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I have to admit that while I do love my children I absolutely fucking hate being a mom. I hate that I’ve completely lost my identity to motherhood. I don’t even feel like a person anymore. Just an invisible servant and nothing more. I didn’t know it would be like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 212

Deep cleanse

By Anonymous - 08/09/2025 22:00 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I took my car to the automatic wash for the first time in years. I didn’t realize you’re supposed to remember to close the sunroof. I now own a freshly-cleaned car interior, soaked seats, and one very wet, traumatized dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 605

Bad mix

By Anonymous - 14/09/2025 12:00

Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 326

Not the barber on Penny Lane, then

By Jeremy89 - 23/09/2025 09:00

Today, I told my barber, “You cut my hair perfectly this time!” He frowned and said, “This is the first time I’ve cut your hair. Who’s been screwing it up for you?” It’s been him, for the last two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 120

Always assume you're being watched

By Wilmot - 04/10/2025 00:00

Today, I was alone in the work elevator, so I practiced my “serious professional face” in the mirror. I made finger guns at myself right as the doors opened to reveal three executives from my company. They got in. Nobody said a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 373

Pet peeve

By Cherry Bomb - 05/10/2025 20:00

Today, I had to interview someone for a news article. Nothing too serious, but the person I was interviewing answered every question with a sentence beginning with "I want to say…" It's one of my pet peeves and it took a lot for me to not ask them to stop or I'd walk out. Yes, I'm a petty bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 348

And how do you know that?

By Anonymous - 07/10/2025 15:00

Today, my colleagues have been trying to play matchmaker between myself and the new girl at the office. I'll admit we share more similarities than differences from what I've learned so far, but I know something my colleagues don't: she's actively pursuing a guy through online dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 89

Too late

By Kelly - 09/10/2025 09:00

Today, I stayed late at work to finish a project. The lights are motion-sensor activated, and they turned off while I was in the bathroom. I stumbled out in total darkness and screamed when I saw a shadowy figure. It was the janitor. He screamed too. We both apologized to each other for way too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 97

Healthy lifestyle

By Jennette - 11/10/2025 03:00

Today, I went for my first morning run in years. I made it half a block before tripping over nothing and face-planting in front of a dog walker. The dog looked genuinely concerned. The walker didn’t. She just snorted and carried on walking the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 114

Public spectacle

By Veronica - 22/10/2025 15:00

Today, I got locked in a restroom because the doorknob jammed. I had to text my coworker to come and rescue me. He brought half the office with him because, “It was too funny not to see.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 83

I wonder…

By Anonymous - 24/10/2025 09:00

Today, I was talking with my Grandma, who lives on the opposite side of the state, and congratulated her on reaching 87. She said she was hoping to reach 90. My brain went in a very morbid direction as I quietly wondered if she'd live to 90. She didn't hear it but my dad, her son, did. Apologizing didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 391

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 27/10/2025 22:00

Today, I had a dentist appointment and walked into what looked like the clinic but it was a dental lab. Two technicians were polishing dentures so I asked where Dr. Patel’s office was. They pointed me down a corridor as if it explained why I’d just sat in their reception reading outdated magazines for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 308

I'm horny, horny horny horny

By It was a mistake!! - 12/11/2025 20:00

Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 755

Squeaking the day away

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 12:00

Today, I wore new shoes to work, which turned out to be the loudest shoes on the planet when walking on the office lino. Every step echoed like a cartoon villain entering a room. My coworker asked if I needed some WD-40. I still had six hours left to walk around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 93

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 02/12/2025 09:00

Today, I answered a call I thought was from my friend and opened with, “What do you want, fuck face?” It was actually my dentist confirming my appointment. There was a long pause before she politely repeated my name to ensure they had the right patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 503

Narrative

By ADHD - 16/12/2025 15:00

Today, I tried explaining a movie plot to a group of friends, only for them to inform me I had described three completely different movies. One said my version actually sounded better. Another asked if I’d hit my head recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 138

Just my luck

By Nunya - 04/01/2025 01:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after walking on the beach for an hour with a friend, I noticed I'd lost my car keys. Thirty minutes from my friend's house, three hours from mine. It was getting dark & the tide was rising. We retraced our steps with no luck; the keys could’ve been washed away. I'd also locked my keys in the car earlier this week an hour from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 495

Cutie

By Lauren - 05/01/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize saying, "Hey, cutie." Thinking it was the guy I met in a bar during a NYE party, I flirted back. Turns out, it was my grandma learning how to use her new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 224

The indignity

By Anonymous - 12/01/2025 06:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually shattered beneath my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 182

Pianissimo!

By Otala - 28/01/2025 07:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to an orchestra concert and everyone was sat really close together. I tried to avoid hitting people nearby, and tried to lean back to not hit anyone. My bow ended up hitting a cymbal from the percussion section and made quite a loud sound. It was during a really soft part of a song. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 125

County AND country

By Anonymous - 13/02/2025 07:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I learned a state senator is pushing a law to prosecute women for murder if they have an abortion, even out of state. Miscarriages would be investigated for aggravated assault, and if deemed unintentional, life insurance benefits would still be denied. I fear for the women in my county. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 214

Scramble time

By Anonymous - 03/03/2025 02:00 - United States - Sullivan

Today, I found out that all the birthday presents and decorations I bought for my son's birthday got lost in transit. I ordered them two weeks in advance, just in case something went wrong. His birthday is today and his party is tomorrow. Guess who's going to be making a Walmart trip… FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 95

Thanks?

By Sheila - 10/03/2025 12:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I wore a new outfit that I thought was super cute. I was feeling confident until a seemingly drunk woman came up to me in a bar, tapped me on the shoulder, and said, “I don’t know what you were going for with this", gesturing at my outfit, "but it’s not working.” Then she stumbled off to join her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 96

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 04:00 - United States - Enfield

Today, I found out that college stressed me out so much that my stomach acid now eats holes in my stomach wall. I went from, “Oh, I have a tummy ache” to “You can’t eat or drink for 24 hours because we gotta do surgery on a perforated ulcer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 96

Ashes to ashes

By Anonymous - 21/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, if anyone wants to know how my day’s going, I have a preteen who recently discovered the idea of death, which led to life after death, which led to "What if there is no life after death?", just non-existence, no self awareness, just oblivion. Preteen plus existential dread. God help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 124

Not fair!

By Anonymous - 26/03/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 112

Cutthroat

By Glume - 05/04/2025 17:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my boss asked that I add the work of our third coworker's position to my shift because he's never finished his duties. She gave us a 50 cent raise to "babysit" a 60-ish year-old man. I responded to respectfully fire him or pay me 20/hr. His last day is Friday and he doesn't even know yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 167

Get me out of here!

By There there dear - 09/04/2025 12:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I hired a babysitter for my two kids for the evening. When I came home, I found her sitting on the floor, crying with a full bowl of popcorn, watching a kids' movie. Apparently, my six-year-old had decided to re-enact every scene from the movie, and she couldn’t take it anymore. I had to hug her and assure her that she was doing a great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 127

He said what?!

By Anonymous - 16/04/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I filed my taxes and I normally claim my parents as dependants. My taxes got rejected because my parents filed their taxes without informing me, and they don't have income. They believe if they file taxes, they get $5000 back, per Trump. It ended up costing me over $3,500 extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 151

Ticket to ride

By Newny_Newny_Newny - 04/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, after I just finished a 16-hour double shift, my brother asked me to ride with him to do an Instacart. While delivering these people’s groceries, his car overheated and oil light came on. He had no money, so I had to fix and pay for the parts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 81

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The Top

Today, I was supposed to meet up with a girl I met on a dating app and had been chatting with. We exchanged the classic, "I'll be here and wearing this." At the location, a girl from a distance, wearing the described outfit, was checking me out. I immediately bailed out. Not only she is 9, she is also a student of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 126

Today, I went on my first date in seven months. We hit it off really well, having a lot of things in common. The only thing we don't have in common is a tan line from a wedding ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 428

You deserved it 1 171

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 362

You deserved it 3 964

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 199

You deserved it 13 582

Today, as I tried to get off the bus, my bag and the hand holding it got stuck between the exit doors. I dropped the bag in panic, but the driver wouldn't let me off until we got to the next stop. I had to walk all the way back to get my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 601

You deserved it 3 147

Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 864

You deserved it 4 447